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Found 47 results

  1. I made the prolonged mistake of not refilling my meds for about 3 weeks. Whoops! I'm on 20 mg of aripiprazole (Abilify) and 200 mg of lamotrigine (Lamictal), which I've been on for about 2 years in varying doses. So my friends finally took me to the pharmacist today to pick them up, but I want to make sure I'm safe about going back on. Should I slowly increase dosages? Or can I just start back on my normal amount ASAP? I would go to a psychiatrist to figure this out, but I there aren't any appointments for another 2 weeks.
  2. Bipolar sucks so much. i got a high paying job and it’s not glamorous at all. I’m a woman, and it’s traveling in construction management. I actually used to work for the same company several years ago and did very well, but I wasn’t cycling and was unmedicated with no need for medication. My how times have changed. im very sick now. I’ve been off work for 6 months and tried to get back to work and thought this would be a good job. I must be crazy. I can’t handle the stress at all. It’s destabilizing me rapidly. Another thing that’s a ticking time bomb that just tells me I need to quit ASAP. My psychiatrist back home. The last time I saw him was October 18th. I told him I was going to get back to work and travel and he thought it was a good idea and he assured me he could call in my scripts to any state and as long as I saw him once a year that would be fine. Well, I called about a month later to get call in scripts and he was taking time off and having another pdoc call in his scripts. Gulp. So I have been doing that since October and I think my state medical board only allows another dr to do that for two months. I have enough meds hoarded for another month and a half. I called my psychiatrist and he was supposed to be back mid December and now they are saying mid February so now I am stranded with no psychiatrist and 5 meds including geodon and klonopin I’m dependent on. so I’m in trouble. Plus I’ve been cycling since I started working even on meds. I’m realizing I can’t work like I used to and I just need to face reality and move in with my parents and file disability. It’s hard to face. Hard. My sister is friends with a psychiatrist and she called him last night. I have two options on the table now. 1. Quit my job at the end of the week and tell my boss the truth and deal with him being mad and just get over it and make the 12 hour drive home and check myself into the hospital and see the new psychiatrist and get my meds changed and tweaked. 2. Wait on a call from the psychiatrist to my sister tonight telling her if he has any outpatient appointments over Christmas and if he does see him then and try to get him to call in scripts across state lines and keep working anyway even though it’s breaking me down. I couldn’t change meds because I wouldn’t have any time off to do so. I think I know what I have to do but I’m terrified to talk to my boss. The company is based out of my hometown and I’m not sure what to say. I was considering talking about my doctor disappearing on me and not being able to get my scripts and needing them immediately or I will have seizures. Or just outright saying I have bipolar and I can’t do this and I apologize. I can’t work anymore and this is disabling and I didn’t want to think it was. Or just say I quit and I’m leaving my computer and company phone and it’s effective immediately. Help. What do I do and say? I wish I hadn’t gotten into this mess. The problem is he will have to replace me immediately or the job will shut down. I have to look at that as not my problem. My problem is my lifelong bipolar diagnosis and the fact that I could go psychotic if I don’t get help. That’s my problem. Not this project. Any helpful advice is welcomed. I wished this had gone differently but I guess bipolar just blew up my life. It’s about to ruin my finances and burden my parents to care for me until I get ssdi. Plus I own a house that my parents will have to pay for until we rent or sell it. I feel like I’m made of glass. I used to handle stress without a worry. Now it destroys my life. I feel like I’m crying inside right now.
  3. Hi everyone, it's been a while. So, I took the full 6 months of my short term disability, and I just started a new job. It's a little stressful, but it pays well. It is a contract job, and it required me to move to the location of the contract. I'm salaried though, and my company is putting me up in an extended stay hotel, and they are flying my home once a month and getting me a rental car when I am home...so I can come home and see my sisters and parents. That is a blessing. I can see my best friend too. I am struggling with the never ending anxiety that I can never beat. I take a lot of meds for my bipolar. I think mine is really non specified because I'm so hard to treat. I take geodon, gabapentin, topamax, klonopin and lunesta plus vitamins. If I could wean off klonopin I could probably wean off everything but geodon. I'm just not ready to wean off klonopin, and I take .5 mg even though I'm prescribed 1 mg. I am doing therapy online with betterhelp since I am on the road, and it is going pretty good. I just selected and therapist, and am sticking with her. I don't like her as much as my IOP therapist, but it is online, so I acknowledge the quality of therapy won't be as good but it is consistent. I did go no contact with my ex boyfriend because that relationship was slowly killing me. He'd been abusive in the past, and was a narcissist. I loved him so much that it contributed to my breakdown in a serious way, and taking this job moved me out of state and away from him and helped me go no contact, so I am working through that with my therapist. It's hard. I've had ptsd over the past couple months since my short term disability was about to run out and I wasn't sure what I was going to do about money, and I knew I had to do something about him. I was waking up with nightmares and night terrors thinking someone was trying to kill me or I was going to die or the world was going to end. I don't know how to describe it. It was terrifying. I felt completely untethered from this world and it felt like I was threatened and like I was going to not live or survive or maybe subconsciously didn't want to. That was the scariest thing. I slowly started to feel disconnected from everything. Like I am just meaningless and one of billions of people and what does it matter? Those weren't my thoughts but my feelings. I was fighting that daily. I have been fighting that. ive also been fighting some mortality issues with my age. Since I just broke up, I just turned 39, and I am traveling and single again. I am scared I won't meet anyone again or fall in love again. I worry about my parents aging. All of a sudden this stuff is in my head. I think because I have leaned on them so much this year since it has been so hard. 'I guess the good news is, I stopped having nightmares a few nights ago. No more night terrors and waking up thinking I'm going to die. I enjoyed music at work today. I went to a recovery group at church last night and that was helpful to talk and heal about what I went through with my ex. I'm trying to do the best I can at work. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, life will go on, and hopefully, so will I. I am trying to live more in the moment and practice mindfulness to help with my anxiety. Trying to take things one day at a time and if I can't do that, take things one moment at a time. I know bipolar is for life, but I think recovery is possible, and it is possible to function with this illness, but maybe we just have to modify our lifestyles. Right now I just come to the hotel, take it very easy and am very gentle with myself and rest at night. I try to exercise when I feel like it. I need to be a little better with my diet. But it's not that bad. I'm not pushing myself working late or volunteering to work longer hours even though I know I can. I know what that leads to...cycling. My goal is boring stability. I take turmeric and magnesium to keep brain fog at bay but I wish I knew what I could do about these feelings of despair and loneliness. Maybe that's not mental illness. Maybe that's just heartbreak, and will take time to heal on its own. Love to you guys and to everyone living with mental illness.
  4. I will try to keep this brief. I was always depressed and my senior year of college (a year ago) I had a major psychotic break where I literally thought I was flying through the universe. I was hospitalized in for two weeks, and I have been trying to fine tune my meds. I am working closely with my Pdoc, but am getting very discouraged. Any input would be appreciated. Lithium is what brought be out of my mania, and I have been on 900mg er every since. I have gone thru Latuda. Could only get to 60 mg. I took with food, but still felt ill most of the time. Cannot take Lamictal due to headaches. Tried Vryalar and I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I am now up to 4mg of Rexulti as of last weekend. My Paranoia is the highest it has been since my hospitalization. Saw my Pdoc Friday and he said too soon to tell on the increased dosage and I can go from 7. out of 10 to 3 out of 10 in a matter of minutes. He added a small dose of Lexapro to help with my depression. Rexulti has been the best drug from a side effect profile. If I could rid myself of the paranoia I would almost be normal. Does anyone have any suggestions? Really appreciate it.
  5. Hi there, I've just started using CBD oil. Has anyone had any experience of using this?
  6. This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is. Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do. I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh* Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month. Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks. The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up. Rant over.
  7. Over the past month, since my mood swings have become more prominent, I am not sure if these are hallucinations I am having or not. I see out of the corner of my eye, fleeting forms, but when I turn my eyes to the object in the room, it disappears. This morning I saw a white cat sitting in the bathroom staring at me out of the corner of my eye just near the doorjam, when I looked it disappeared. But I am seeing things like this continually throughout the day.
  8. Hi, I have Epilepsy and I'm also Bipolar. I have been taking Lamotrigine for years which tackles both. I started taking Topamax for my Epilepsy and it's given me serious issues with finding words, so I need to change. I also take Abilify for the Bipolar issue. I've been reading about Vonisamide for Epilepsy, and am curious if anyone has taken it along with Abilify or with Lamotrigine and Abilify. Thanks so much!
  9. I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week. I see him in two weeks. So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help. I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened. Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived. I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person. That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day. I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately. It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary. I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think. I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months. I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic. She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her. So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else. My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me. Okay, will close for now.
  10. Hi there! Recently a new girl has started work, and I've taken a liking to her. The trouble with this is that I've walled myself off from other people for around 7 years. I've been managing to deal with my illness by not talking to other people, not having friends, not having a partner. I wasn't looking for anything with this new girl, but unfortunately, my body has had other ideas. I've been hit by a wave of emotions for her that I'm just not able to deal with. What makes it worse is that she's been seeing a guy for 14 years and there's no chance that we will ever get together. I think that she was attracted to me when we first started talking; I don't think that she would want to go out with me still, but life isn't black and white. I was flattered that she was like this, but I didn't push the issue, I knew how things were. On the mood scale chart that I keep seeing everywhere, I'm normally between 5-8. Since this has all started. Since her turning me down, I'm now between 2-5 most of the time, I think I've dipped down to 1 twice in the last couple of months. With my mood being all over the place, it is becoming more difficult to talk to her and I think she's pushing me away now; I can see things from her perspective and I can't blame her. Recently, she's been smiling at someone else in the office that isn't me and I'm having difficulty with it. It all feels so stupid, but I've now let someone have too much power over me and it is keeping my mood low. I don't know how to get out of this. I'm worried that if it continues I will need to take time off work and if that happens I might lose my job, my house, etc. I need help! Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can move on more quickly? Has anyone dealt with similar issues?
  11. Second post on this forum (woohoo!), but, I was wondering if anyone has any advice for smoothing out a relationship between two bipolar people. My fiance and I have been together for nearly three years now, engaged for almost two of those years, we're both under the age of 25 (but over 18), we live together, and we're both bipolar. She has Type I and I'm just recently diagnosed Type II. Both our diagnosis(es?) have been in the past year, and we've both been trying medicines (her first, then me as my dx came months after); she is presently unmedicated. We both see the same psychologist but different prescribing doctors/GPs. We do not presently do any sort of couples therapy, our therapy sessions are separate and confidential. Our relationship in all it's years has always had very rough spots that we stick out because we genuinely love each other and care for one another, and want to see each other grow/be apart of each other's lives. However, our MIs (bipolar, ptsd, possible schizo-spect disorder on our end) have nearly ripped us apart for good many times. We took an almost month long break after our most recent big falling out, out of desperation to try and amend ourselves and our relationship. Being apart for a bit seemed to help, but we seem to have fallen right back into the "cycle" of our relationship. The extreme highs and lows that are no doubt also attributed to our bipolar. Does any have any words of wisdom or advice to think about/keep in mind when trying to keep the relationship afloat? We genuinely do love and care for one another and want to make what we have at our best work. It just seems to get more and more difficult. Hopefully meds will help even us out, we know we need to work on ourselves to help the relationship. Anything is much appreciated! -P
  12. In your experience have you taken an antidepressant specifically an SSRI and it made you activated, agitated, irritable and unable to sleep
  13. Hi. Years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II but after 6-7 years of messing with med cocktails I'm seriously wondering if I'm not just depressed and that's that. I've never had mania. Never had a "high". I definitely get depressed- and sometimes, when not medicated, I can get extremely irritable. My psychiatrist says that the irritability is my version of "mania" but I've never seen anyone else describe going through this or having this kind of bipolar. I've never seen this listed as the symptoms of bipolar anywhere. I don't fit the criteria of bipolar II that I've seen written anywhere. I just can't relate to anything I've read. Also, when I get depressed, it's accompanied by sheer panic. Not flat-out panic attacks but just feelings of dread and fear. I become convinced I'm going to lose my job, lose my house, etc. Things at work haven't been perfect but the level of fear I experience is completely out of proportion to the situation and it feels "chemical". I also feel like someone is sitting on my chest... I feel it in my chest and shoulders. It's bizarre. Can anyone relate to any of this?
  14. I know that a lot of bipolar folks take an SSRI as part of their daily regimen of meds and apparently it seems to help. But there's some growing concern in the pdoc world now that SSRI's may be causing manic symptoms and even directly causing manic episodes. I was on SSRI's for 10 years before quitting last October. In chronological order: Celexa, Zoloft, Celexa again, Lexapro, Zoloft again, Prozac, Zoloft again briefly, back to Prozac to close it out. For me, personally, after stopping them altogether, I was able to see what they were doing to my system. I truly believe they made me much more unstable and greatly increased compulsiveness and just made a bad situation worse. Switching from Lexapro to Zoloft sent me immediately full-on hypomanic for over a month in early 2015. I was high as a kite and on top of the fucking world. It was unreal and so obvious at the time. From the beginning of it, I was certain something unusual was going on. Now I wasn't diagnosed bipolar yet, just depressed, so I didn't even know what hypomania was then. It fizzled out eventually (sigh) but I had at least two more, shorter, and less intense episodes late spring 2015. I've not had anything quite as euphoric as those since. My last pdoc expressed some concern about the prozac but wasn't very insistent on me stopping it, just that I would want to eventually. I've since read that there is increasing concern in the pdoc community. Yet a lot of bipolar people still take SSRI's and don't seem to have problems. Do SSRI's seem to help your causes? Do you notice any unusual side effects? Have any of you stopped taking SSRI's and noticed a change? Other comments? This could be interesting.
  15. I noticed a few people on the board talking about having problems in summer. I was curious about whether the months of July and August are activating for you? If do you think this is from sunlight or heat? Is the pattern consistent for you from year to year? What do you do about it?
  16. I’ve a question for the hive mind. I get different diagnoses depending on who I talk to. I definitely have had serious early childhood adverse events, and have been retraumatized as a teen and adult. Symptoms: excessive worry and fear Overreactive, esp about marriage Poor sleep Inability to concentrate When my symptoms are acute, which happens every couple of years, and always in summer, which happens to be an anniversary date, I get: Feelings of rushing, or charged Irritable & agitated Emotionally labile (3 hour crying jags and I never cry) Dissociation/derealization/depersonaliation Paresthesias Self destructive behavior: sexual promiscuity, suicidal ideation Intensely strong sense of fear, heart pounding Intrusive alarming thoughts Time shifts between past memories and present experience Deep sadness I have a history of recurrent depression. I have never felt euphoria. I have persistent pain, and migraines. Those who say I’m bipolar seem to worry about my paresthesias and rushed electric feelings. Those who say it’s trauma seem convinced by intrusive thoughts & history. it’s important because SSRIs are verboten if you are bipolar but good for trauma, and antipsychotics or lithium do nothing for trauma long term but are good for bipolar disease. Has anyone had to navigate competing diagnoses? What did you do about meds?
  17. Ok, so you guys know me by now. Hard to treat. Bipolar 2 rapid cycling psychosis triggered by wrong meds or a bad cycle. Breakthrough mixed episodes on meds. Can’t take any antidepressants at all. so, what you don’t know is when I was a kid I found out I was blind in one eye and had exotropia. Fancy word for lazy or cross eye. I had surgery to fix it but when the MRI’s were done back in the 90’s my opthomalogist found I had an arachnoid cyst on one of my temporal lobes and an optic nerve disease. I always thought the cyst was on the left side because that’s the eye that has the optic nerve disease and the one I can’t see out of. fast forward to now: my mom kept everything from back then, and my psychiatrist knows I have an arachnoid cyst. He’s also a neuropsychologist so I think he can order an MRI. I asked mom to try to find the mri film so I can bring it to my pdoc. She did. I have read NIH studies on people with arachnoid cysts and bipolar or psychosis that are hard to treat. It always said left temporal lobe. I don’t know why but I’m my mind I kept thinking no, it’s on the right. Even though I felt like it should be on the left somewhere in time, I started thinking right. i like to draw, so I have a light box. So, I just turned it on, pulled out the film, looked at it and even though it’s small I swear the cyst is on my left temporal lobe and not my right. I started crying. there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s small, and it would be ridiculous to operate and I think only one surgeon will drain them in the country. The point is, I feel like I understand a little more why I’m so hard to treat and this helps me accept myself more. It’s something I was born with. If it caused me to lose my eyesight and an optic nerve disease why wouldn’t it cause bipolar? Wouldn’t it make sense my brain doesn’t respond to meds like a lot of bipolar patients do? Ie: antidepressants. It lets me know I can’t safely have ECT or TMS. It lets me know my body and it’s limitations. I’m going to bring the film to my pdoc on Thursday. I think a new mri is a good idea. I know it hasn’t gone away, it may be bigger. Usually it’s always stayed the same size. bipolar is in my family, but not like mine. Not so hard to treat and not so rapid cycling. Thanks for listening to me share. Hugs.
  18. Hi guys, just started seroquel/quetiapine 25 mg two days ago. I think it makes me hypomanic. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it go away? Im taking it for bipolar disorder
  19. Hi everyone. It's been a couple weeks. I promised to update after my genesight test results came back. I was OCD about getting the results because I was so deeply depressed, and desperate. I titrated off lamictal which was making me suicidally depressed while waiting on the results. The mood stabilizer green winner for me...or in my case AAP...GEODON. My pdoc immediately stopped seroquel, and put me on 20 mg geodon in the morning and 40 mg at night. It doesn't make me sleepy. At all. That's the only issue I have so far. It's in the green column, and so far I've had zero side effects. My mood lifted almost overnight. I had a sweet spot of about 4 days where I felt completely normal. It was amazing. My problem, at least I think it's a problem. He also prescribed 20 mg of Prozac to help with depression and OCD thoughts. I historically cannot take antidepressants. They always make me hypomanic. Always. I've been on prozac before, but that was much earlier in my illness. Before I started rapid cycling and having paranoid features. After about a week, I started noticing hypomanic behavior. Most notably, spending way too much money. Not concentrating as much. Taking on big ideas for fix it projects I can't do alone in my condition right now. That kind of stuff. I'm also taking deplin 15 daily, but I seem to manage that with niacin, but I'm wondering is it the Prozac, the deplin, neither or both causing the hypomania? I've consistently stayed on .5 mg klonopin and 50 mg topamax. I want to up the topamax to 100 and start reducing klonopin. One thing notable, I weaned off 300mg gabapentin. I was paranoid it was causing the suicidal depression, not accepting it was the lamictal which has done that in the past. So, my pdoc said ok. Since I weaned off fully about 3 days ago, I've had more anxiety each day. Don't blame geodon on that. I have terrible panic and anxiety problems. So, today, I realized there is no way I can wean off klonopin if I'm already feeling like this or I will start dissociating again, and that is horrific. So, I took gabapentin today. I was supposed to see my pdoc today, which is the longest I've waited to see him. 2 weeks. But...he broke his arms and nose somehow, so my appointment is postponed to next Monday. Meanwhile, sleep is awful. I'm maybe sleeping 5 or 6 hours a night taking Tylenol pm. I have a very limited amount of time doing this before I go full on hypomanic or get very unstable and rapid cycle again. Although, none of this is as bad as it was before, I cannot take anything with Benadryl long term. It has an opposite effect on me. I either need my pdoc to up geodon and add a sleeping med or help me figure something out. I'm not keen on trazadone or vistaril, because doxepin made me rapid cycle severely because it's an AD, and vistaril did the same thing. But, I can say, I think I am one of the oddballs that Geodon loves. Thank goodness. I need at least my main med to work. I am scared if we up it I could get akathesia, but since it was in the green column on my genesight, I think that's unlikely. Any insight or advice for me going into my appointment next week? I loved those 4 days of feeling normal. I know I am so close. I am going to start IOP 3 days a week after I see him next Monday. I think it's time for counseling to deal with how to cope with this disease on a day to day basis, not just during a huge episode like I've been in. I may go to my internist tomorrow and ask for ambien for a week to get me through to my appointment though. I don't know if I can do 5 more nights of Benadryl and not go into orbit. Edit: I've also been doing B12 injections weekly which maybe contributing to hypomania. I'm going to skip next week's dose and take more niacin this week to flush some out.
  20. Does anyone with BP or BP 2 specifically have any experience with 5-HTP? I've taken it off and on for the last few weeks and have concluded that it has had a definite effect on me. It definitely appears to be activating. I can take 100 mg (Vitamin World brand that also has 125 mg of calcium listed per 100 mg serving of the 5-HTP in 2 caps) and feel just a little bit but if I take twice the dosage within 6 hours I really feel it. I took 150 mg this afternoon at once with 2 caps of Now brand Dopa Mucuna and 2 caps of Vitamin World GABA-Plus (which has Niacin and Inositol as well unlike other brands of GABA) on top of 2 caps of the GABA this morning. Driving to dinner I felt like I was damn near hypomanic, if not there. If I had not been fully aware of myself and not driving, I might have gone right above what I feel is my hypomanic threshold. I may have actually dabbled with that line a bit for an hour or so. I definitely had to reign myself in a few times after noticing I was getting a little overly excited and happy. It was definitely a nice feeling, I just didn't want to get out of hand being in public with the family like that. Also of note, I took these capsules mentioned above after being in a pretty crappy but not lethargic mood and I did have a cup of somewhat strong coffee so I should factor that in as well. I have to think that the 5-HTP is a bigger factor in how I felt today though because I experienced something similar a few weeks ago after doing nearly the same thing, without the coffee, by taking a 100 mg dose in the morning, then another 100 mg dose just after noon that day on a nearly empty stomach. I went kind of haywire for about an hour and got kind of paranoid. Though once I was able to remove the fear by saying fuck-it basically and telling myself to just try to enjoy the ride that day, I felt pretty great. I was noticeably relaxed and calm after that almost tired but i did not want to take a nap because of the GABA I had taken (probably 6 of caps of the same brand over a 6 hour period with little food in my stomach) fearing a benzo-like effect on my breathing. That day, I had no coffee since a weak cup early morning. Since I was felt a little too tired after taking the rest of those caps mentioned, I did have another cup of not really strong coffee and then felt pretty great. Tomorrow I'll experiment with just the strong coffee I had today and report back in this thread. It was a mix of regular coffee and some espresso I had ground last week - about a 50/50 blend - in a French press that tasted good and strong, but nothing overpowering for my taste. Edit: Just wanted to include I'm not under the influence of any illegal drugs or alcohol anymore. Today is 24 days completely clean and sober and I'm enjoying the shit of out of sobriety honestly. Other than that, I've been on the same meds in my signature minus the 150 mg of Bupropion. I've stopped that for 3 days now as it's been too activating for me and has made my temper much worse. Temper has been about 1/2 what it was a week ago now. I would love to hear from any BP people, especially BP 2 folks, and their experiences with 5-HTP.
  21. Can anyone tell me what you take that has treated bipolar depression. I’m too scared to even touch an antidepressant with my history. I can’t get out of depression. When I think of my life since this illness onset I can only think of a handful of healthy times when I wasn’t at least mildly depressed. I am fighting so dam hard, and this is it. I have time off. I’m about to start getting short term disability and I’ll have at least 6 months to tinker with meds. I’ve already been tinkering with them for over a year and nothing is working for depression. i thought lamictal would do it this time but it’s making me worse. im desperate. I’m going to seriously look into Latuda with my pdoc but yes I am concerned about anxiety. I do have a goal to get off the .5 klonopin over the next several months. Maybe that is unrealistic or impossible.
  22. I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
  23. First time posting but I need some help. I am on 800mg of Seroquel and have been for over three years. I went from 110lbs to 200lbs in those years. This is the only medication to help me. I heard that tapering down can improve weight loss but I currently dont have insurance and moved to a new state so no pdoc. Is it really impossible to lose the weight I've gained? I just got a gym membership and a bike. I'm just really miserable with this weight but dont have many options when it comes to changing meds.
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