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  1. So long story short i have developed a cocaine addiction. This week has been of intense use. Ive been close to overdosing. Ive mixed with other drugs and i cant even remeber what drugs i did. The thing is, psychologically i feel ready to quit but my body is literally dying. I cant eat or sleep, i cant get out of bed. I want to quit but im afraid leaving it too fast will only increase the physical symptoms. I cant get medical help, only my psychologist can help me and thats why mentally i have the urge to quit but idk how to help the physical side. Also i take a bunch of meds because of schizoaffective disorder and anxiety. So theres always a bunch of substances in my body. Any advice on how to stop this binge? I want my health back. I want to sleep. Eat. Walk. Im totally sick and i know is from drugs.
  2. I've got six years clean and sober, and lately I have really been craving a drink badly. My wife and I have started trying to make new friends, and we've made a few, but they all drink. They do not pressure me to drink, but I really want to. I have so much social anxiety plus life is really stressful for me right now. My wife was sober too, but last time we went to a party, she had a few drinks. She asked me if it was OK, and I said yes, but I did feel jealous. I just didn't want to impede her fun. The very fact that I want to drink so badly tells me that I am not ready to and besides, I am on meds. Anyway, has anyone been sober long-term and then started craving a drink badly? How have you handled it?
  3. xmo

    So... uh... Yeah...

    So... it would appear I am at it again. I have slipped. My life has become so apathetically bland a meaningless. As a result, I have come to have my nights between 10p and 2-3a serve as my "Happy Hours." These "Happy Hours" tend to consist of me eating an edible of some kind and just being "happy" (the fake kind you get from weed or other intoxicants) for he night until I fall asleep. But lately I have been seeking out other ways to have some fun when I don't have weed. For example: tonight I took a bunch more zolpidem, More than I would need for sleep. I am very relaxed and kind of hoping I at least get to see some of the well-known zolpidem illusions we all know nd love. Aside from the zolpidem (for the calming effect), in the last month there have been a few (2) times I was in such a "not okay" state in which I was desperate to try anything that I scarfed down a few Ritalin just to see what will happen - see if it makes me any more focused. I figured what could happen? I fall asleep? I grind my teeth for a few days? Would it work and let me get things done? We discontinued it but I still have it. I don't know what's going on with me lately. I have been relatively clean (save the occasional beer and some weed) for ten years... and now this, seemingly out of nowhere. I can't help but feel that my life's station is contributing to it. Almost as if, if I can get out of this environment soon, maybe I can go back to normal life. But if I can't... what then? All I know is, I don't want things to repeat when I quit drinking back in the day. That sucked. Worst depression ever! One would think these think these things are useless. zolpidem is for sleep, dummy! Ritalin is supposed to help you focus (and not be so scrambled), idiot! I know. I know. I guess whatever happens happens.... uuuggghhhhh In conclusion: every few years I slip up. Sometimes I have friends to help me. These days, I have none. It's all on me.
  4. This post is for everyone, even people without the substance abuse Dx. So I have this feeling I am not alone here. Are there any people out there who have a substance abuse Dx mixed up with other Dx and or stand alone in the substance abuse Dx? It is pretty common for someone with a MI to develop substance abuse disorders, especially if they self medicate before they get an official Dx. I do not have stats to post at this time but I can later if people would like to know. Now the purpose of this post is to find out people's opinions on what I think is a problem in the MI community. The rejection and or dismissal of someone with a substance abuse disorder Dx. I have seen it where a person with a substance abuse Dx is sharing in a group setting, and the other attendees will automatically shift in their seats uncomfortably and either try to change the subject or dismiss it outright when the person is done sharing. I know that it is an uncomfortable subject, and that if you have not dealt with a substance abuse issue then you can not relate to well. I am sorry for saying it that way, you may be able to relate indirectly, which is also very valid. Why is it though that sometimes people do not take the other Dx that people have seriously? I have been in this situation; I was sharing in a group and when I mentioned the drug use and my issues with that and how it affected my other MI's. I was then interrupted by another attendee, that person said, then you do not really have Schizoaffective then. Thankfully the moderator jumped in and said that minimizing and discrediting someone else is not allowed. which caused a few in the room to cross their arms and stop sharing. As did I because I felt like I was not allowed to share my experience any longer. So what is the deal here? Are we (drug users) not allowed to come and share on equal terms? This can apply to CB or really any group. Are we truly in our own grouping and our story has no impact or value anymore because we are just useless junkies? Is it that having a MI is very hard for anyone in this world, and adding a Dx of drug use is just a slap in the face for people actively pursuing treatment? Do people without a Dx of substance abuse think that we (drug users) have failed or have taken an easy way out? I would encourage anyone to post here, answer the questions, or create new ones. I would like to hear everyone and their side to this. No judgments will come from me, I just want to know where I stand within the community.