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[farnsworth] Good news, Everyone [/farnsworth]

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I am in a really good mood today.  Fairly calm but there is a hint of hypo ... I don't think I am hypo now, just how I feel reminds me a little of what it feels like.

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I was able to get to the PO and ATM machine this morning.  I needed to do this so badly; otherwise I would have had to wait until the 8th to get the cash, and to mail a package.

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I have a friend whom I was in a bromance with had a recurring "bro's quarrel" that escalated to a toxic level between us. His way to deal is to stonewall me and ghost me. This has been affecting me deeply and making my depression worse. Mutual friends reported that I was "dead to him". That hurt deeply. Eventually I had to force his hand or I was not going to be able to heal. 

I showed up at his office after work. Awkward as hell. Expressed that I missed him and cared very much for him. Then asked if we can just be civil and cordial to each other so that it's not awkward for our mutual friends. He agreed. I shook his hand then departed. 

I feel so much better now. I can move on with my life. If my ex-bro wants to rekindle a friendship, I'm receptive to that but by no means I will entertain re-entering a bromance because it's an toxic ingredient in our friendship. And I won't take him on as a consulting client again because some of his family members he has hired are utterly toxic. 

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1 hour ago, Bostonian Aspergian said:

 

I showed up at his office after work. Awkward as hell. Expressed that I missed him and cared very much for him. Then asked if we can just be civil and cordial to each other so that it's not awkward for our mutual friends. He agreed. I shook his hand then departed. 

I feel so much better now. I can move on with my life. If my ex-bro wants to rekindle a friendship, I'm receptive to that but by no means I will entertain re-entering a bromance because it's an toxic ingredient in our friendship. And I won't take him on as a consulting client again because some of his family members he has hired are utterly toxic. 

(in bold)  I think that was really good idea and a really nice of you to do, to confront him hoping for a truce, in a calm way ...  and you and him are civil now.  So I think you did a great job!

I'm glad you are able to move on in you life now.  And you know that you could never be with him again, knowing your limits.

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3 hours ago, Bostonian Aspergian said:

I have a friend whom I was in a bromance with had a recurring "bro's quarrel" that escalated to a toxic level between us. His way to deal is to stonewall me and ghost me. This has been affecting me deeply and making my depression worse. Mutual friends reported that I was "dead to him". That hurt deeply. Eventually I had to force his hand or I was not going to be able to heal. 

I showed up at his office after work. Awkward as hell. Expressed that I missed him and cared very much for him. Then asked if we can just be civil and cordial to each other so that it's not awkward for our mutual friends. He agreed. I shook his hand then departed. 

I feel so much better now. I can move on with my life. If my ex-bro wants to rekindle a friendship, I'm receptive to that but by no means I will entertain re-entering a bromance because it's an toxic ingredient in our friendship. And I won't take him on as a consulting client again because some of his family members he has hired are utterly toxic. 

Wow, that actually is good news. Good on you for taking the high road and extending an olive branch and at the very least got an agreement to be civil! Would that more people would be so gracious!

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Well I have proof my meds work. I asked pdoc if I could try 10 mg Abilify (vs 15mg) to improve my diabetes labs.I gave it a full month has it takes this long to  reach steady state. The bottom did not fallout at a month but it got rocky. Returning to15mg I quickly recovered. An error in counting out the pills to the pill boxes caused me to go without Wellbutrin for about 10days before I caught it. Again things got rocky quickly, I have begun to cry at the drop of a hat. That resolved quickly demonstrating that even after 20 years of being on Wellbutrin it still works.

A change in medication improved my diabetes labs enough that I will not have to go on insulin yet. I have good control of my diabetes.

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notloki, I discovered the exact same thing about Wellbutrin. I guess that speaks well for it as a med.

Bostonian Aspergian, I LOVE your avatar. So appropriate.

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So far Christmas is going well! 

Today will be a test though ... people are coming over and I don't want a stressful day.

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a really good therapy session that got at the hypersexuality stuff and the shame around it that i've been dealing with for quite some time (having been told growing up that it's not something to be talked about).  i'm not 100% over it, but I'm on the right path.  And we talked about actual ways to get past the specific things I became interested in that I'm not in normally...one she threw in the disclaimer of "trust me we've had people do it" and said that it's essentially overexposure to that type of pornography in order to take out the appeal of whatever the particular thing is. seeing (and predicting in advance most likely) that that wasn't my preferred route, she said it's more cognitive in nature and something we can do some more work on.

some time i'm going to have to get even more specific but it's a huge load off my back talking about it and putting it into context.

Edited by dancesintherain

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22 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

a really good therapy session that got at the hypersexuality stuff and the shame around it that i've been dealing with for quite some time (having been told growing up that it's not something to be talked about).  i'm not 100% over it, but I'm on the right path.  And we talked about actual ways to get past the specific things I became interested in that I'm not in normally...one she threw in the disclaimer of "trust me we've had people do it" and said that it's essentially overexposure to that type of pornography in order to take out the appeal of whatever the particular thing is. seeing (and predicting in advance most likely) that that wasn't my preferred route, she said it's more cognitive in nature and something we can do some more work on.

some time i'm going to have to get even more specific but it's a huge load off my back talking about it and putting it into context.

I'm glad you had that!  It is awesome when a person has a great therapy session, like when leaving you feel like you accomplished something big, and like you said, get a load off your back.  For me I feel so free afterwards.

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8 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm glad you had that!  It is awesome when a person has a great therapy session, like when leaving you feel like you accomplished something big, and like you said, get a load off your back.  For me I feel so free afterwards.

thanks Melissa!  Yes, definitely free-ing.  It's not going to be fun to dive into hte specifics and talk about them, but just talking about "kinky stuff that I'm really not interested in when I'm healthy" and having a conversation on that was really, really helpful.  It was also helpful, honestly, to just talk about sex and not flee underneath the table or try to hide somewhere.  I was able to talk about it without wanting to throw u[ or disappear (out of shame) and she didn't seem judgmental in the slightest.

When I mentioned that now I was having those thoughts/images flash through my brain almost like fintrusive thoughts but without teh trauma to qualify them, her comment was "it sounds like your brain got wired in that direction for some time and now it's having a hard time getting rewired on a different path so that' swhat we need to get it to do."  And having an idea as to how was big. 

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35 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

"it sounds like your brain got wired in that direction for some time and now it's having a hard time getting rewired on a different path so that' swhat we need to get it to do." 

I can relate to this feeling in the sense that because I waited so long to tell pdoc I was hearing voices, all the delusions and hallucinations ETC became ingrained.  Permanently.  Because I didn't get on medication right when it all started (I didn't tell anyone about the voices for a long time), the delusions and all are still in my head as a past life (that I remember ... it won/t leave my brain).  If I had told pdoc right away, I think things would be much different now. 

Right now, the only thing that helps is the medication ... kind of slows my brain down enough that I can't think of them when thinking about other stuff IRL. 

And that is why it took so long for me to get "better" than I am now ... meaning less delusions/hallucinations, etc.  If I had just told someone in the beginning. 

So I am very glad you were able to talk to your tdoc, instead of let it go on and to become ingrained.

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2 hours ago, nervousbat said:

I finally have a hairstyle that I'm happy with (it's not always perfect, but I've had more good hair days than bad) and I have some new shirts and don't have to wear my old pilly tee shirt anymore. I'm so glad. I don't look/feel like a sad hippie finally, yay! This I think is... probably the best that I've ever looked in my life. 

:)

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.  wrong thread.

Edited by melissaw72

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Tomorrow is the dawn of pink hair!!!  

It's after 10pm so tomorrow is even sooner than it was a couple of hours ago.  :D

I've already started a Flipogram with my chosen song for all the new selfies I will take.  The song is Pink by Aerosmith.  Fitting.  

I am going to start my new painting tomorrow!

I haven't gained any weight the past few weeks even though I wasn't counting calories.  

It will be 67 degrees tomorrow.  

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- Something I bought will be on the next billing cycle so I don't have to worry about it this month.

- I am totally off of Afrin.  Finally. After trying to do it for 3-4 years.   A couple weeks ago it was like an overnight thing, and since then I haven't used it.

- Propranolol is working.

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That's good you are off the Afrin. I've had to resort to it before for short periods to control symptoms. In the end it wrecks your nose and causes hypertension.

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4 hours ago, notloki said:

That's good you are off the Afrin. I've had to resort to it before for short periods to control symptoms. In the end it wrecks your nose and causes hypertension.

Thanks notloki ...  Fortunately it didn't wreck my nose.  My allergist checked my nose every few months since first seeing him at the appts (asthma) and it stayed ok.  He was definitely not a fan of afrin, never encouraged it, but it was up to me to get off of it.  He does prescribe flonase.

I don't think for me that afrin alone caused hypertension ... if it did I would have been on blood pressure meds constantly over the past few years.  The reason for propranolol now is stress and anxiety.  I have been under extreme (understatement) stress for the past 2 weeks or so (my normal stress plus something else that happened in addition to that).  It all really got to me the end of last week, woke up in the middle of the night with my left arm and armpit all feeling squeezed tight, felt like it was hot, and my heart felt like it was squishing.  I've had this exact same thing happen before and the blood pressure med helped.  My DRs are aware of this, and right now I am doing a lot better.

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