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1.

 

Obviously it is with discretion [such as in the case where a person asks to have a message generally passed along], but I agree with the above.

What I said before [as quoted below] actually should apply whether the person is in the chat or not.

So when I seem like I want to shut down a conversation pretty immediately after a person has left chat?

It's cause you got it spot on! That's what I want! 

 

2.

 

I have a couple times seen one member just end up shooting questions at another member kind of rapid interview style about their condition- I know personally I would kind of flip out if someone did this to me on some occasions. It's just important to remember we are all PEOPLE here, yeah?

 

1. good point, luna, about it not being ok, present or not. i agree. 

 

2. yeah, totally. i think, personally...there's a lot of...IF i'm up to it...and the questions aren't...too intrusive... i appreciate the opportunity to inform. and by "inform" i mean, i'll share my experience...and general documented information. but that's what that is....my experience and general documented info. i'm not a spokesperson for schizophrenics. also...with the question content... there are some boundaries. "what's it like to hear voices?" ok. "what's the craziest thing you've ever done?" no. or, "have you been hospitalized before?" fine. "how many times?" decline. (or, my personal UN favourite: "does your dog tell you what to do?" no, thanks...and i'm not a serial killer either. fuckhead.) i think it's the...like...sensationalism. when it's...spectacle. i'm not the fucking entertainment :P but i do realize there's a lot of really horrible ideas out there about mental illness and there are some piss poor media representations. i'm not donnie darko, i don't see dead people, and i'm not working on a woman suit. 

 

i do think it's important to remember that it's not the diagnosed person's responsibility to disabuse people of their ignorance. i'm cool with a respectful inquiry though. i find it personally, like...no shit...when people say...you don't have to answer. i'm sure it's ...some amount of politesse and well intended. but it does strike me, like... thanks for giving me permission :P

 

 

 

 

one other thing: reading through this thread, i saw some from examples from BD about questions that it's best to avoid asking because they'fre intrusive (asking diagnosis/medications, for example)

 

this post:

 

Great thread write! I'd say that for new members, one biggie is to respect people's boundaries.

 

One thing we do NOT do in CB chat is the A/S/L crap (thank GOD) and asking people 'what diagnosis they have' or 'what meds they take' is not cool. Many of us in chat will gladly volunteer that info, but asking for it, either in a PM or outright in public chat is not cool.

 

 

i agree with BD and have some additional examples of questions i think it's best not to ask

 

i think it's super inappropriate to be like... what'd you use? kinda like i feel, though not my experience, asking details about sexual trauma/abuse. it's when it's focused on...the ...."gory details" that it's super inappropriate. and it's even more inappropriate, i think, to inquire via a private chat. i can see the thought that maybe... i don't want to make it awkward on the main chat, so i'll ask privately. no no no. i kinda get weirded out by people i've never seen and who just joined who start private chat, but, i have had a couple where they were like...what do you think of this situation? and i see not wanting to expose on the main chat and so finding someone with the diagnosis in question and asking. i wouldn't advise it, but...i get it and i've not been perturbed when that's happened. but, only because my ..i feel for them facing that possibility more than i'm put off/lacking the safety of the group by a one on one with unknown quantity.

 

it's possible, though, that i only say it's inadvisable because i've totally had people start private chat things to ask me about my meds and symptom details that were not cool. it's also not cool to hit on people you've known for a hot minute in private chat. speaking for myself, that whole, flattery, really like to get to know me better, and offer to meet up so you can "be there for me" in a "real" way basically means you're ass is getting blocked. 

Edited by mellifluous

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Just a reminder that if people are acting creepy and doing inappropriate things like sending harassing PMs it's totally acceptable and even welcomed to notify the staff and let us deal with it.

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Try and backread if you can. It can give you some details so you don't have to  ask 20 questions. I've been guilty of not doing it many times, but it's a good idea. 

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Questioning my place in chat now, not sure I belong in it anymore, or if I even belong anywhere. It might be time for another break from CB for me. My stomach is twisting because I feel awful now. I want to understand what you mean meli, but maybe it'd be better for me to just leave without further discussion about what you mean. I'm sorry for any upset I have caused. Was not my intent. be well everyone.

BD,

Your response indicates I was unclear. Definitely. Because I am in full agreement with you! I was intending to build off what you said and say

Yes

Saw BD noted some intrusive questions to avoid

You'd cited asking diagnosis/meds/etcetera

And I thought, I have more to add to BDs list

Don't ask xyz

I apologies for my lack of clarity

I am sorry if I was hurtful

As to you questioning your place in chat:

I have questioned mine of late as well

I recently returned after three to four months away and

The thing is, a couple of people I enjoy and who have been amazing in my life are there only. We would otherwise not interact.

But, I often feel out of place. It depends on who's there

What I want to make absolutely clear one point though. And that's why I saved it for last:

You, BD, are someone I've unequivocally enjoyed talking to, when I see you come or arrive and find you there, I perceive you as a point of understanding, support, and someone I want to engage. You make chat a more welcoming, safer, and balanced place to be. Your feeling of belonging or whether you find it supportive are, of course, for you to assess and I hope it does for you, because you merit support and belonging. But, if you question your role or place there, I offer for consideration this: bottom line, you contribute constructively, openly, and honestly. You share and you also make room for others to share. You make chat better. If you need to take a break for yourself, absolutely prioritize your needs and whether they're met there or if it's a source of more stress and your health is better away. But make no mistake: you are a positive influence and one of the people I think really grasps the idea of community and social support. You are inclusive (not cliquish) and in my experience haven't been one to bitch about other members or be gossipy. I've never seen you ignore/dismiss or shame someone. And I've never seen you snide or rude or bossy or disrespectful. And all of those things, are why I hope you stay. You offer balance, support, and I see you as someone who "walks the walk".

I hope that clarifies. And I hope you see this. Actually, I'll message so you do :) x

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Thank you meli, yes, this clarifies things so much for me. I really thought the worst there and had a really hard time trying to understand if you'd meant that I was someone who was a problem in chat. I am relieved to hear that the train of thought I thought you were implying, was NOT the actual train of thought you were expressing. Thank you so much for the clarification. :) I really appreciate it. :)

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Thank you meli, yes, this clarifies things so much for me. I really thought the worst there and had a really hard time trying to understand if you'd meant that I was someone who was a problem in chat. I am relieved to hear that the train of thought I thought you were implying, was NOT the actual train of thought you were expressing. Thank you so much for the clarification. :) I really appreciate it. :)

 

you are most welcome :)

 

thank you so much for alerting me to how you'd felt so i could clarify.

 

i hope your stomach is better and if return to chat myself i hope to see you there.

 

much love and respect, x

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I am definitely feeling a whole lot better now. Love and respect right back at you meli. :)

 

To the thread I think it would be good to add, "Give people a chance to explain their comments and don't jump to conclusions about what they meant. Misunderstandings do happen, and it's a far better thing to work through them together as it brings people together rather then driving people apart."

 

Time for lunch! :D

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I found this post very helpful because I'm afraid that because I am new and wanted to talk to people, who may or may not have been in crisis mode, I may have annoyed or offended. No one corrected me but I still feel as though I have a lot to learn about the site and how to communicate better without possibly breaking the rules or offending others by my nature to get to know and/or give advice when I feel it relates to my life or feelings personally!

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A good thread. I try try to adjust and meet folks halfway (meaning talk if talk is useful). I agree with Luna and Melli. Also "it's also not cool to hit on people you've known for a hot minute in private chat." might be worth reporting. Very Not cool.

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Absolutely worth reporting. Crazy chat isn't a dating service. Definitely let a mod or admin know that happened, because that kind of thing is inappropriate. 

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my opinion, priority should go towards new/young/in trouble and the following terms have no place when delivered in anger: "fuck you", "cunt," "asshole." I've held my tongue in the past. This chat room is the only one. I'm not pretending know what's best. I DO know what kills it and I will not tolerate it. Guys, if you see something wrong when you are there, speak up in whichever way works.

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I really like the part about respecting that we have different shit going on so on that topic I would like to say this.  If your in chat and someone is on a topic that triggers you don't hesitate to pull the plug on chat.  You might want to at least warn people that the topic is making you go into a spin but in my experience its still more important to be able to step away and go do some chilling out stuff.

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I think it's important to add that using humor to break the ice, while it might seem like a good idea, might in actuality, NOT work out as you intend it to. If a attempt at humor is seen a thinly veiled personal attack on people in chat or our community as a whole, you will undoubtedly be shown the door. I get it that some people are nervous on trying the chat for the first time, but that is no excuse for trolling behavior. Which there is no doubt that tossing derogatory labels around and calling it humor, well that's trolling any way you slice it. 

 

Another thing worth adding, if you are called out as doing something 'wrong' in chat, don't make the situation worse by attempting to defend what's been deemed as bad or negative behaviors in chat-you are not going to win and the word/decision of any crazy boards staff is final. Also, as much as some people might think there are sides, as in a 'them or us' mentality, such a thing only exists in the mind of the one who's perceiving it. We are all living with various Mental Illnesses, and HERE there is no such 'them or us' mentality. You have to keep that in mind when chatting, that everyone IN chat has their own MI issues to manage, and that if people leave chat, it's NOT something to take personally. The rule is, manage your own triggers, which means if something is upsetting you, do like HAL9000 mentioned above my post here, and leave chat quietly. Come back when the painful topic is done and all is well. Chat is here to help us, be it venting about something bothering us, or to help talk us down from doing something bad-as in to seek professional help ASAP so we can be SAFE...

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I find that generally if you have to make use of posts like like this, you're completely hopeless and should stay out of chat.

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This is a good thread.

 

Here's a few things I learned!

 

-------------

1. Okay, don't PM people without asking first. Some people are irked,confused, busy, etc. So always ask first. Some people specifically don't even want to PM

 

2. avoid personal questions especially about trauma. I made that mistake, I think I was forgiven for it. Sorry! If you really want to ask always end your question with something like "ignore me if this is too personal". Trust me, if it is too personal, the person will ignore you.

 

3. I learned don't break the rules. Even for a joke. People don't like it. I don't blame them. Sorry! The cyberhug was a joke.

 

edit:

4. Turn the ding-dong door bell noise off if you have a puppy who barks when your doorbell rings!

-------------

 

Anyways, over-all the people in chat are very nice and I've really appreciated getting to know some of them and the conversations that have rolled by. It's a great place. It helps me battle the loneliness and stay connected to others.

Edited by RoadToRecovery

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There's only one. It's /me and it makes the action voice.

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Here are a couple tips... they may sound harsh, but I don't intend for them to be.

  • Mods aren't babysitters. We have a LOT going on.
  • Act like an adult.
  • If you don't like what a mod says, berating them to another mod isn't a good idea. We work as a team.
  • Don't discuss other people, especially if they've been kicked/banned, when they aren't there.
  • Mind your own business. Stay out of other peoples drama.
  • Mods/admins are members FIRST, mods last. We're crazy too. We may need to talk in chat, and often get ignored or berated. Most often ignored.
  • If you aren't a mod/admin, don't mod chat. That goes downhill really fast.
  • Most of the time when I'm in chat, I'm just a member that enjoys being in chat.

 

  • Like 2

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