I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks.
So, I have a problem with germs. Not to the point of burning my clothes or bathing in bleach. But, I have a things with germs...
Thing is, I just got a walking cane (my meds were really making it hard for me to get around). It works great and I am thrilled. But it was touching the sidewalk....and now it is in my flat. I disinfected the rubber end with antiseptic soap and water several times. But I feel like this may be a problem for me.
How do I keep this thing clean without obsessing over it? Any simple suggestions that would allay the germ fear, keep the cane tip clean, and not have me panic!
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I could use all the help I can get in terms of tips to make cleaning easier and to generally suck less.
I'll go first:
1. Kitchen: I don't stand idle while I'm waiting on the toaster or the coffee to brew. I clean. It's amazing what you can clean in five mins and it makes it less painful than into the kitchen with a full cleaning mission. Also, I find that I'm on autopilot before coffee and toast. It's like anesthesia for cleaning.
2. Laundry: Pair your socks before throwing them in the hamper, floor, etc. Matching socks will not suck as badly.
What are yours?
I'd started cutting when I was in the 8th grade. Funny thing is.. I don't even remember why or how I started. And for the last 7 years I've recoverd and relapsed about once every few months. Everytime I feel too pressurized or feel like I'm stuck in some situation, I break and relapse.
But this time I managed to go one whole year without cutting. Even with sharp stuff in my hand (I do a lot of crafts) I've managed to stay away from it and haven't even tried to cut. And it's not like bad things didn't happen this year. Actually some of the worst stuff in my life happened this year. Somehow I've held back from relapsing. It's been tough but definitely worth it.
The urge, though, is still there. Behind all this satisfaction, I can feel the urge right there. I'm a lil scared now cuz its been growing a lil stronger recently. More than it was this whole past year. I do not want to relapse. It's too hard to get back on the recovery track and i hate the feeling of guilt and shame afterwards.
i've been keeping myself as distracted and busy as possible but is there anything else I can do, while resting? Suppose I were laying down, doing nothing.. How do I stop myself from having these thoughts?
I'm really lost and don't know what more I can do to help myself. I have people to talk to but.. they don't really understand. They try to but they are a lil judgemental even though they try not to be and I can't bear that. So I try to avoid talking to them much about it.