Bipolar sucks so much.
i got a high paying job and it’s not glamorous at all. I’m a woman, and it’s traveling in construction management. I actually used to work for the same company several years ago and did very well, but I wasn’t cycling and was unmedicated with no need for medication. My how times have changed.
im very sick now. I’ve been off work for 6 months and tried to get back to work and thought this would be a good job. I must be crazy. I can’t handle the stress at all. It’s destabilizing me rapidly. Another thing that’s a ticking time bomb that just tells me I need to quit ASAP. My psychiatrist back home. The last time I saw him was October 18th. I told him I was going to get back to work and travel and he thought it was a good idea and he assured me he could call in my scripts to any state and as long as I saw him once a year that would be fine. Well, I called about a month later to get call in scripts and he was taking time off and having another pdoc call in his scripts. Gulp. So I have been doing that since October and I think my state medical board only allows another dr to do that for two months. I have enough meds hoarded for another month and a half. I called my psychiatrist and he was supposed to be back mid December and now they are saying mid February so now I am stranded with no psychiatrist and 5 meds including geodon and klonopin I’m dependent on.
so I’m in trouble. Plus I’ve been cycling since I started working even on meds. I’m realizing I can’t work like I used to and I just need to face reality and move in with my parents and file disability. It’s hard to face. Hard. My sister is friends with a psychiatrist and she called him last night. I have two options on the table now. 1. Quit my job at the end of the week and tell my boss the truth and deal with him being mad and just get over it and make the 12 hour drive home and check myself into the hospital and see the new psychiatrist and get my meds changed and tweaked. 2. Wait on a call from the psychiatrist to my sister tonight telling her if he has any outpatient appointments over Christmas and if he does see him then and try to get him to call in scripts across state lines and keep working anyway even though it’s breaking me down. I couldn’t change meds because I wouldn’t have any time off to do so.
I think I know what I have to do but I’m terrified to talk to my boss. The company is based out of my hometown and I’m not sure what to say. I was considering talking about my doctor disappearing on me and not being able to get my scripts and needing them immediately or I will have seizures. Or just outright saying I have bipolar and I can’t do this and I apologize. I can’t work anymore and this is disabling and I didn’t want to think it was. Or just say I quit and I’m leaving my computer and company phone and it’s effective immediately. Help. What do I do and say? I wish I hadn’t gotten into this mess. The problem is he will have to replace me immediately or the job will shut down. I have to look at that as not my problem. My problem is my lifelong bipolar diagnosis and the fact that I could go psychotic if I don’t get help. That’s my problem. Not this project.
Any helpful advice is welcomed. I wished this had gone differently but I guess bipolar just blew up my life. It’s about to ruin my finances and burden my parents to care for me until I get ssdi. Plus I own a house that my parents will have to pay for until we rent or sell it. I feel like I’m made of glass. I used to handle stress without a worry. Now it destroys my life. I feel like I’m crying inside right now.
This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is.
Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do.
I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh*
Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month.
Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks.
The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up.
I'm currently having real difficulty at work and with a lot of my other relationships.
The issue is that I'm constantly being talked over and really have to fight to be heard at all.
I stutter slightly so that doesn't help me, and no-one seems to give a fuck most of the time.
At work it is particularly bad because my bosses will start to talk over me before I've finished half a sentence. This is an issue because I work as a software developer and communication is key to getting my job done.
The issue is so bad at work that every Sunday before I go to work I get angry thinking about having to deal with any of them. I feel that part of the issue is discrimination, because of my illness (I regret telling folk at work about it). I don't feel that I can move onto another job because I'm becoming unstable because it is leaving me feeling alienated. Other folk in the office seem to be following the example of what the bosses are doing.
I've tried to tell the bosses that they're doing this, but I'm being largely ignored.
Does anyone have any experience on how to deal with this sort of issue?
By Dr. Marshall
The thing is we're moving in few months. I will need to change my job. The place we're moving into is quite far away from the city we live now in our apartment. I might find a job somewhere closer but I have another oportunity from my cousin. She works for the company where you can just work from home. I could do what I do now proffessionally, but I could appear in the office just from time to time.
What do you think? Is it a good idea for someone with a bit of social anxiety? Or will it only deepen my phobias? My therpiest is very sceptic about that as she thinks i shoud be more among people. I really liked the job I've had and the people there. But there is always a risk that in another office it might not be that good. On the other hand I don't know if i want to stay at home most of the time and separate myself from the people even more.
If you have any ideas or experiences please share.
So I first had issues with the psychosis when i was 16. Im 26 now.
I tried to go back to school when i was 17 but I was asleep far too much to be able to get to classes and do all the work
Since then I have really not done much. I've never worked. No work experience. I did a course or two here and their but that's about it.
Recently my Dad has suddenly started on the 'you need to get a job' thing once again.
The last time this happened I ended up moving out for two years because it was driving me nuts and was very stressful. He doesn't seem to recognise what my condition is and instead sees it as laziness.
But simultaneously I do realise that I ought to be doing something. My struggle is finding work/courses/volunteering that I actually give a 'F' about.
On top of that I sleep a lot (easily 12 hours a day if not usually more) and I don't drive so it has to be relatively close to me. (I get the bus a lot but is very slow)
So much of it just seems so meaningless, and uninteresting, that even if I had an easy way to get to/from it, I still wouldn't really care about the activity.
I had an Occupational Therapist work with me a while ago, and its the only patient/professional relationship I've been in that completely broke down. She didn't seem to understand that I didn't care about the actives she had lined up for me. She kept saying things like "Everyone has to start somewhere" - "when I was your age I did all kinds of lousy jobs" which while I do understand, it doesn't make me any more motivated to do it. Working with her was the only time I've tried to take my own life because I didn't feel like life was worth living.
(She also wouldn't listen or wasn't qualified to address my psychotic problems, and persuaded me to move into a place that I absolutely detested)
"You should be thankful for doing these activities" really though? It often felt (and still feels) like I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it because I'm being told to do it.
Does anyone have any practical advice to be motivated for work/volunteering?
Any jobs or volunteering that someone with schizoaffective disorder can do well?
Ive looked over my local volunteering website many times and I'm almost always never impressed or optimistic about what I find.
There's also really not that much advice out there for finding and surviving work for schizophrenics