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Well, heck.  I took the plunge.  I was so against trying ECT, but my latest mixed state wasn't showing any signs of breaking.  Will I regret my desperation?

I've had four treatments so far, and have nothing but headaches, confusion, dissociation, and hopelessness to report.  The pdoc says that I might as well do 6-10, since I started the series.  It's not his memory being scrambled!

I am legitimately scared that I'm going to lose my life to this illness.  If this fails, I can supposedly try oral MAOI's, but that sounds dicey with my mixed states.

I'm just really, really out of hope.  Any words of kindness or wisdom are welcome.

Edited by lifequake

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hey quake,

was poking around and saw this. you know i always wish you well, including with this. it really helped me (bilateral did) and i hope very much that it turns things around for you.

xx

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I haven't done ECT but am in a bad depression. I have been told to think about it. I wish you well good luck and take care.

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5 hours ago, Hermione said:

I haven't done ECT but am in a bad depression. I have been told to think about it. I wish you well good luck and take care.

Thank you, Hermione.

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My agitation is improved, but I'm still depressed as funk.  ECT pdoc asked about switching to bilateral, but I'm already having tons of memory loss and confusion.  I just can't win!

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On 8/27/2017 at 5:43 PM, Iceberg said:

How many rounds have u done?

I did #9 yesterday and actual felt some improvement.  #10 tomorrow.  How does one know when to stop?

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Darn, that was some short-lived stability.  Some flavor of mixed state or mania is trying to make a comeback...

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@lifequake :( Sorry to hear this. I think you have a lot of courage to try ECT! It's been in the back of my mind for awhile but i'm too afraid of the risks & possibility of getting worse. I hope things get better for you.

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  1. Did not respond to ECT.
  2. Memory and cognitive abilities profoundly f^&*ed. 
  3. Devastated by the above --> near-suicide --> thrown IP.
  4. Rock bottom + regret.
  5. See no way through this. 

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@lifequake I am so sorry to hear this!!! you did both unilateral and bilateral? I can only imagine how beyond devastated I'd feel if I tried ECT and it didn't work, or made me worse. Did the docs say that the side effects will go away eventually? Thinking of you, hoping you get through this.

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11 hours ago, lifequake said:
  1. Did not respond to ECT.
  2. Memory and cognitive abilities profoundly f^&*ed. 
  3. Devastated by the above --> near-suicide --> thrown IP.
  4. Rock bottom + regret.
  5. See no way through this. 

i'm so sorry you're suffering so much... i hope beyond hope that it gets better for you. xx

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@Blahblah @mellifluous  Thank you two for commenting and supporting.  Family won't be around to help me get to a doctor for a week+, and recovery is not really happening.  I'm so scared.  Lots of trouble walking, speaking, loss of taste, God-please-kill-me-now headaches.  I'm sobbing and begging the universe for some sign of hope.

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2 hours ago, lifequake said:

 I'm sobbing and begging the universe for some sign of hope.

Well, I don't know if it will help out in the case of bipolar mixed states, but for depression if ECT fails there is always ketamine therapy.

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lifequake, I am so sorry that you are suffering and I truly hope that you get better. I'm an ECT vet (three series, maintenance for 5 years--I found better results with TMS) and I remember the pain, confusion, and memory loss--oddly enough lots of those ECT memories didn't disappear.

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I'm kind of in the same boat. Just starting ECT now after failing so many drugs and TMS. I'm starting a MAOI, Parnate, after ECT. I've only had one session and feel ok. It might be worth finishing the course, you can't really cross it off the list unless you do. Memory problems usually go away supposedly and perhaps some of the other side effects you're experiencing are from the anaesthetic. 

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Lifequake,

I have been away from the boards for awhile, but just read your posts. I am profoundly sad and sorry to hear the negative effects ECT had on you. I don't know the details of the deleterious effect it had on you. My experiences with ECT were not good. I wanted to offer you one glimmer of hope though, and feel free to disregard if it's not applicable to your experience.  I had some cognitive impairment post-ECT. Difficulty finding the correct words to express a point and difficulty spelling. Both these things previously came very easily to me so it was extremely frustrating and absolutely devastating.  After about six months, however, these issues resolved. I very much hope this will be the case for you.

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I have had 27 treatments spread out over 3 hospitalizations. The last one was 12 treatments. I did have missing memories but most were when suffering from the depression. I was however, extremely mentally fatigued for sometime.

 

i would do the 6 and 9 treatments in the first 2  hospitalizations. Virtually no side effects.

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