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So I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 5 years. I want to love him I really do, I want to have a good relationship. But we don't even have sex. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I still love with my mom and I suffer from depression. I'm worried I'll fall into a spiral of depression like I did the last time we broke up and I almost committed suicide. It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to to tell me it would all be fine and i will find somebody else who makes me way more happy. Honestly I don't remember when my life was somewhat normal. I work 50,000 times harder then my boyfriend. I actually make decent money and I'm going places and being recognized for things I do. Where as my boyfriend hasn't worked in months, he just now got a job that pays him an average amount of money. For a man I think it's shit pay. My dad and all the men in my family basically except my mom side. Work super hard for their cash. My dads side is very traditional in that sense. So the fact that I'm dating a low life is very concerning. I have cheated and we broke up then got back together a few times. We have got in raging fights etc I've thrown things. Clearly very unhealthy. I used to be much happier. I wish I had friends. My only friend is my mom and him. It's very depressing. Right now I'm on a very low dose of escitalopram. Which helps a bit and my job definitely helps but I don't have a good support system at home. I miss having friends and a supportive boyfriend. I don't know how to help this situation. Or maybe I do and I just need some encouragement. Any advice? Anyone been through something similar? No judgment please. If I want judgment I'll go to¬†Yahoo answers... lol thanks in advance ūü§óūüė©¬†

photo is from when we first started dating maybe less than I year in. 

2015-02-26 17.58.44.png

Edited by Sara909
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I'm sorry, that's a tough spot. If you think someone is deadweight your instincts are probably right. I mean the fact u can't talk to him about this is a pretty big red flag, and it seems like he's not meeting your needs very well. Just going thru the motions isn't fair to you or him. Do you have a therapist? I find they are a good objective voice of reason for situations like these...at least mine is. Break ups suck, but does getting held down suck more? Sorry that sounds cynical...my point is why be with someone who can't make you happy...I'm not great to give advice on the actual method of breakup...but if your gonna do it be firm and don't look back. I'm sure friends will come in time. All the best 

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I remember when I was your age I stayed in relationships with boyfriends I didn't love for a while, I think it was for security but that would make me more depressed. I look back and think why did I waste my time. I started taking Paxil and it really helped me and I began making friends, it really did change my whole life . In retrospect I think I probably also needed a mood stabilizer but 20 years later I'm now dealing with that issue. If you believe you get suicidal I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, feeling suicidal makes me think that you are in a lot of pain and of course it would make trying to get out of an unhealthy relationship difficult. You may have already tried medication but if you get that depressed you probably need to see a therapist and or psychiatrist. The good news is that you like to work hard which tells me that you can still function but you deserve to be happy and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Good luck but make it your number one priority to deal with your depression. Also, as a side note, while I was on Paxil (which I still take) I met my husband who I am  still with and love dearly and when I go through stages where I am depressed he so supportive and sensitive and is really there for me so there is hope that you will find the right one!

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