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Chantho

Worried/guilty about some things

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I'm not sure if I'm thinking logically or not. Both my boys have a couple things in common. It started off with both of them being nearsighted and having lazy eye. Then, they both had speech problems (though they are actually different ones). They both also had/have trouble with fine motor skills. 

Now, half of me thinks that it makes sense that they'd have similar struggles because they're brothers and maybe there's a genetic component or something. I think hubs had motor skill issues, but I didn't. Hubs didn't have the same vision problems, and what he has didn't really show itself until he was much older than they were. I don't think either of us had speech problems. The other half of me thinks that it's because I'm their mother. That I did things all wrong. I wasn't very good about helping them with fine motor skills, but I did try. They just would get frustrated and not want to do things, so I didn't want to force them, but I did work with them. I don't know about the vision. I mean, both developed the lazy eye around 18 months, maybe a bit younger. With the speech... I don't know. T was borderline nonverbal until about 4. G spoke fairly early, but some of his letters/sounds are wrong. 

I'm afraid their teachers are looking at them and thinking I must be a horrible mother, and I wonder if they're right. Sometimes I think I did the best I could, but then I look at things I see as evidence that I messed them up, and I doubt myself. 

There's not much of a question. I'd love for someone to come along and say the had similar issues with their children, but I don't know if that's likely. This all ties into my anxiety with a paranoia component. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose them, and no amount of logical thinking can erase it for longer than about 2 minutes. These issues are sometimes things that, in my head, add up to evidence that I'm an unfit mother.

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21 minutes ago, Chantho said:
23 minutes ago, Chantho said:

These issues are sometimes things that, in my head, add up to evidence that I'm an unfit mother.

I  can relate.  There's nothing like being a mother for triggering all sorts of issues! 

I have two kids (one adopted, one biological ).  My biological child has anxiety like I do and I sometimes feel responsible for that. Other times I can see how much I have helped him develop healthy coping skills  (which I never developed as a child). 

But sometimes I just feel like a shitty parent. And the guilt is immense! So you are not alone with your feelings.  The truth is probably that we are both imperfect but at the *least* adequate parents.  (And we're probably way better than adequate most of the time).:)

 

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