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pinkfloydforeverlove

Is it ok to hate your dad?

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I think I hate my dad. It's been growing over all the years he's said/done horrible, mean, hurtful things to me. But tonight takes the cake. My mom was washing the dishes as she cleaned an iron skillet and my dad said not to put soap in it. My mom said that she didn't. He went on to criticize her cleaning of it because the skillet "needed to have a gloss over it". I said if he's so concerned about it, why doesn't he clean it? And he said "Don't you FUCKING EVER tell me how to do my business. Do you understand me?" I was so angry that I said "No." And he said "What did you say?" and I said again, "No." And he got out of his chair and advanced on me like he was about to hurt me, but my mom stepped between us.  He grabbed me by the arm and led me outside. he closed the door of the front porch so my mom couldn't come. He started to say something, but mom came outside and once again stepped between us. He opened the door and pushed her back inside so hard she fell on her face. Then she came back outside and told me to go to my room. I have since then left the house. 

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Yes it's okay, it's just not a very happy place to be. It sounds like it is warranted. Anyway, trying to suppress feelings that you think might be wrong makes no sense, you can't help what you feel. It's not like you're bad for just think something negative, thinking is not doing.

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It’s not only ok, sometimes it’s preferable. As Crt says, trying to suppress feelings just because you’re worried they’re inappropriate does you no good, and can even do you more harm. Hating someone is hard enough without beating yourself up for feeling it. 

Your father is being physically abusive. Grabbing and shoving are not ok. Is there someone IRL you can talk to about this?

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I don't see why everyone's making a big deal about it since he pushed my mom down. No one, not even my mom lifted a finger to help me when he was saying things that emotionally DESTROYED me. There's no one I can talk to, no one to turn to. I'm just avoiding the house and him as much as possible.

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That and I was raised as a Christian. I was told that if I have hatred in my heart for somebody then I don't love God, but I do love God. I don't know what to do. These feelings won't go away... how can I love God and hate my father?

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They can see into your heart more accurately than G-d? You can love G-d and hate your father because he doesn't get to abuse you. How do you think G-d feels about your physically abusive father? Is he more worthy than you?

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If you don't beat anyone, you're automatically more worthy than your father.

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11 minutes ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

My dad didn't beat my mom. He just pushed her down

Pushing someone down is being physically abusive. Who knows what he might do the next time he is in one of these moods? I'm pretty sure he could go to jail for pushing your mom down.

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It sounds like you don't trust yourself very much, are you seeing a therapist? It's entirely rational to have bad feelings about someone that might harm you or a family member.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with hating your dad and loving God. If you believe that God is love, which I think most Christians do, then you see that your dad is obviously not acting in line with God. And if you look at his entire life and don't see any hope of him reforming, you need to cut yourself off from him. Just because he donated sperm to help create you in the physical sense doesn't mean you owe him anything at all. Not love, not loyalty, nothing. This is my opinion. 

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21 minutes ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

@MogliI believe God is capital L Love. In the truest sense of the word. I can't just cut myself off from him. He's paying for my college and he makes me feel like I owe him everything with how much money he's spending on me.

Ouch, that's really a tough situation then. Can you get financial aid or something, so you don't have to depend on him? I've never been in that situation. But I can see how it would make it impossible to really be honest with him (especially if he's acting this way).

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Have you looked into Community College? It's much less expensive, and you can get the equivalent of the first two years of college in Community College, which means you'll spend less for a BA overall. I know it isn't leaving home, which would be ideal, but if you are able to pre-occupy yourself with something important, you won't have to interact with him as much. Even if you take just one course at a time.

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So many Christian households have stuff like this happen. 9/10 because they're not actual Christians either.

(No offense. I was a Christian but not anymore.)

Your dad sounds abusive. And circling around the issue isn't going to fix it. You need to find a therapist or someone in your life to confide in. We can only help you so much over the internet.

 

Stay safe.

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