Bipolar sucks so much.
i got a high paying job and it’s not glamorous at all. I’m a woman, and it’s traveling in construction management. I actually used to work for the same company several years ago and did very well, but I wasn’t cycling and was unmedicated with no need for medication. My how times have changed.
im very sick now. I’ve been off work for 6 months and tried to get back to work and thought this would be a good job. I must be crazy. I can’t handle the stress at all. It’s destabilizing me rapidly. Another thing that’s a ticking time bomb that just tells me I need to quit ASAP. My psychiatrist back home. The last time I saw him was October 18th. I told him I was going to get back to work and travel and he thought it was a good idea and he assured me he could call in my scripts to any state and as long as I saw him once a year that would be fine. Well, I called about a month later to get call in scripts and he was taking time off and having another pdoc call in his scripts. Gulp. So I have been doing that since October and I think my state medical board only allows another dr to do that for two months. I have enough meds hoarded for another month and a half. I called my psychiatrist and he was supposed to be back mid December and now they are saying mid February so now I am stranded with no psychiatrist and 5 meds including geodon and klonopin I’m dependent on.
so I’m in trouble. Plus I’ve been cycling since I started working even on meds. I’m realizing I can’t work like I used to and I just need to face reality and move in with my parents and file disability. It’s hard to face. Hard. My sister is friends with a psychiatrist and she called him last night. I have two options on the table now. 1. Quit my job at the end of the week and tell my boss the truth and deal with him being mad and just get over it and make the 12 hour drive home and check myself into the hospital and see the new psychiatrist and get my meds changed and tweaked. 2. Wait on a call from the psychiatrist to my sister tonight telling her if he has any outpatient appointments over Christmas and if he does see him then and try to get him to call in scripts across state lines and keep working anyway even though it’s breaking me down. I couldn’t change meds because I wouldn’t have any time off to do so.
I think I know what I have to do but I’m terrified to talk to my boss. The company is based out of my hometown and I’m not sure what to say. I was considering talking about my doctor disappearing on me and not being able to get my scripts and needing them immediately or I will have seizures. Or just outright saying I have bipolar and I can’t do this and I apologize. I can’t work anymore and this is disabling and I didn’t want to think it was. Or just say I quit and I’m leaving my computer and company phone and it’s effective immediately. Help. What do I do and say? I wish I hadn’t gotten into this mess. The problem is he will have to replace me immediately or the job will shut down. I have to look at that as not my problem. My problem is my lifelong bipolar diagnosis and the fact that I could go psychotic if I don’t get help. That’s my problem. Not this project.
Any helpful advice is welcomed. I wished this had gone differently but I guess bipolar just blew up my life. It’s about to ruin my finances and burden my parents to care for me until I get ssdi. Plus I own a house that my parents will have to pay for until we rent or sell it. I feel like I’m made of glass. I used to handle stress without a worry. Now it destroys my life. I feel like I’m crying inside right now.
I was discharge from the Psych hospital on November 9th. While in the hospital they started me on lithium to manage the bipolar and also suicidal ideations. Since I have felt horrible my side effects:
-internal restlessness (akathesia)- I take a bath 2-4x a day to help my body calm down.
-acne and skin going from very soft to rough
-labile emotions (crying at everything to road rage when people drive like jerks)
-inability to focus and work
-sexual dysfunction (goes with the akathesia)
-headaches and nausea when my levels are too high
- I cant keep my levels in a normal range at 1200mg they are too low @ .6 and at 1500 mg they are too high @ 1.2
After a month of trying really hard to be medication compliant and stay on lithium I begged my PDOC to switch me. She finally agreed today. I was hoping to get opinions on medications that have been the most effective at managing your Bipolar. If you have any info on lamictal I'd really appreciate it.
I am diagnosed bipolar 2, OCD, GAD, and at one point ADHD although the psychs can’t decide if it’s true or not.
wellbutrin xl 450 mg in morning
lamictal 200mg at night
lexapro 10mg morning for the GAD and OCD my OCD is the obsessive thoughts type.
My issue being mainly that I lack motivation and am tired all the time as well very hungry and have gained weight but can’t find the hunger control to diet and can’t find the motivation to exercise.
yes it’s terrible and could be affecting all of this but for years it’s the only way I can function half a pot or a whole pot of coffee in the morning and occasionally a monster or two in the afternoon I practically live on caffeine.
i sleep ok usually about 7-8 hours a night.
luckily I have a job currently although I’m a serial job hopper.
somehow I have a wife and daughter who put up with me. I’m on my 20’s
im 6 foot tall and was originally 225 when I was exercising but after wife’s pregnancy and post partum and life of course I’m now 289.
just trying to see if anyone has experienced similar cocktails because although I’ve been under treatment off and on since 15 I have honestly not tried many meds more so favoring trying different doses of the same med because I have enough of a hard time holding a job without the med game happening.
i have tried seroquel which is a never again
strattera which messed with blood pressure. Gabapentin which is absolutely not. Adderall which was obviously awesome but is likely bad for the bipolar. Abilify which made me feel mentally handicapped. Buspar which made me practically forget my own name.
Just found this place and basically looking for any experiences, thoughts etc.
Hi everyone, it's been a while.
So, I took the full 6 months of my short term disability, and I just started a new job. It's a little stressful, but it pays well. It is a contract job, and it required me to move to the location of the contract. I'm salaried though, and my company is putting me up in an extended stay hotel, and they are flying my home once a month and getting me a rental car when I am home...so I can come home and see my sisters and parents. That is a blessing. I can see my best friend too.
I am struggling with the never ending anxiety that I can never beat. I take a lot of meds for my bipolar. I think mine is really non specified because I'm so hard to treat. I take geodon, gabapentin, topamax, klonopin and lunesta plus vitamins. If I could wean off klonopin I could probably wean off everything but geodon. I'm just not ready to wean off klonopin, and I take .5 mg even though I'm prescribed 1 mg.
I am doing therapy online with betterhelp since I am on the road, and it is going pretty good. I just selected and therapist, and am sticking with her. I don't like her as much as my IOP therapist, but it is online, so I acknowledge the quality of therapy won't be as good but it is consistent.
I did go no contact with my ex boyfriend because that relationship was slowly killing me. He'd been abusive in the past, and was a narcissist. I loved him so much that it contributed to my breakdown in a serious way, and taking this job moved me out of state and away from him and helped me go no contact, so I am working through that with my therapist. It's hard. I've had ptsd over the past couple months since my short term disability was about to run out and I wasn't sure what I was going to do about money, and I knew I had to do something about him. I was waking up with nightmares and night terrors thinking someone was trying to kill me or I was going to die or the world was going to end. I don't know how to describe it. It was terrifying. I felt completely untethered from this world and it felt like I was threatened and like I was going to not live or survive or maybe subconsciously didn't want to. That was the scariest thing. I slowly started to feel disconnected from everything. Like I am just meaningless and one of billions of people and what does it matter? Those weren't my thoughts but my feelings. I was fighting that daily. I have been fighting that.
ive also been fighting some mortality issues with my age. Since I just broke up, I just turned 39, and I am traveling and single again. I am scared I won't meet anyone again or fall in love again. I worry about my parents aging. All of a sudden this stuff is in my head. I think because I have leaned on them so much this year since it has been so hard.
'I guess the good news is, I stopped having nightmares a few nights ago. No more night terrors and waking up thinking I'm going to die. I enjoyed music at work today. I went to a recovery group at church last night and that was helpful to talk and heal about what I went through with my ex. I'm trying to do the best I can at work. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, life will go on, and hopefully, so will I. I am trying to live more in the moment and practice mindfulness to help with my anxiety. Trying to take things one day at a time and if I can't do that, take things one moment at a time.
I know bipolar is for life, but I think recovery is possible, and it is possible to function with this illness, but maybe we just have to modify our lifestyles. Right now I just come to the hotel, take it very easy and am very gentle with myself and rest at night. I try to exercise when I feel like it. I need to be a little better with my diet. But it's not that bad. I'm not pushing myself working late or volunteering to work longer hours even though I know I can. I know what that leads to...cycling. My goal is boring stability. I take turmeric and magnesium to keep brain fog at bay but I wish I knew what I could do about these feelings of despair and loneliness. Maybe that's not mental illness. Maybe that's just heartbreak, and will take time to heal on its own.
Love to you guys and to everyone living with mental illness.
Does anyone know what actually causes Lamictal-induced acne?
Lamictal gives me the most god-awful acne on my back, shoulders, and chest. I got off of it for a few years after I had just totally had it with the horrendous, almost cystic acne that it caused. It cleared up finally after a few years, but not completely, and finally cleared up almost completely after I got off Zonegran. But when my pdoc recommended recently that I give Lamictal another try due to my recent decline in mood, I reluctantly decided to give it a try, with the idea in mind that my physical appearance (covered by shirt nearly 99.99% of the time) was less important than my mental stability. Sure enough, after about 3 weeks or so, these zits are popping up on my back, shoulders, upper arms (even over my tattoo), and chest. They're not as bad as it was when I got off Lamictal last, but they're definitely there, and they're definitely getting worse. I'm only on 25 mg bid (twice a day), and she may want to increase the dose the next time I see her (here in a few days), as this dose isn't doing anything to help my depression.
I saw a dermatologist for years while I was on it the last time and she couldn't figure out anything out to help it. I tried the following medications:
Oral doxycycline (Vybramycin) 100 mg bid (didn't really help at all) minocycline (Minocin) 100 mg bid (helped mildly for a little while, then quit working) sulfamethoxazole/trimethoprim (Bactrim DS) 800 mg/160 mg bid (this was the only thing that put a dent in the acne but I wasn't able to take it long because it caused blood test abnormalities) Topical salicylic acid (no help) adapalene gel (Differin) 0.3% (helped mildly) BenzEFoam Ultra (micronized benzoyl peroxide) 9.8% (no help) benzoyl peroxide/clindamycin gel (BenzaClin) 5%/1% (worked decently, but bleach-stained my clothes) benzoyl peroxide wash 10% (both generic and PanOxyl brand) (no help) tretinoin topical cream 0.025% (no help) clindamyycin phosphate lotion 1% (Cleocin T) (some help combined with benzoyl peroxide and adapalene) erythromycin gel 2% (A/T/S, Emgel, Erygel) (no help) I don't think topical medications are really the answer, really. Plus it was a PITA to reach around my back applying these topical meds on my back and shoulders every day twice a day with some of them.
There were several medications we tried to try, but my insurance wouldn't cover it... like dapsone topical I think was one of them...
I was just wondering if anyone knew the root cause of Lamictal-induced acne so I could address it with my dermatologist when I start seeing her again. Or is it just something I would have to just deal with?