Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
dancesintherain

getting over things you've said

Recommended Posts

Sometimes when I'm trying to rest or crash for the night, my brain is flooded with feeling ashamed of things that I've said previously (these aren't trauma thoughts--I get those too).  One is something I said to my ex-fiance way back when we were in college, so about 14 years ago.  Another is something I said to a work supervisor during my first annual review, so about eight years ago.  And the other main one is something I wrote to my therapist about a year ago (this is more detailed because it's an email, rather than a sentence). 

That's ridiculous.  I recognize this.  But that doesn't stop the self-critical thoughts from coming, from feeling the shame, etc.  They still haunt my brain.  There are others, but those are the main culprits.

How do I stop this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good question.  These are the three that come up most frequently with a few others.  I do also ruminate over presently occurring things/more recent statements.  I guess there's a fair bit of both. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

CBT/DBT is always a good place to start. What meds are u on (I can't see your sig)? From what I've been told an SSRI is a place to start cuz it's kind of both an anxiety and depression symptom, but like I said no ideas about Your med history 

Btw that doesn't necessarily reflect my opinion, just some doctors and NPs I know 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks sbdivemaster--sorry you struggle with this also.  it can be really destructive, for me at least.

thanks Iceberg.  I've done a round of DBT, but my individual therapist is now doing more trauma-stuff than anything else.  I haven't raised this topic though, so who knows.  Med list is below:

current RXs are generics of: Lithium (600 mg split); Lamictal (200 mg); prazosin (2 mg); zyprexa (7.5mg); ativan (1 mg split)

Also synthroid (75 mcg) and xyzal.

PRN - imitrex (anti-migraine); treximent (stronger anti-migraine); zofran (anti-nausea) and bentyl  (GI symptoms/anti-spasmotic)

Past Rxs: zoloft (sugar pill); lexapro (akathesia); sonata (stopped working); effexorXR (agitation); geodon (sedation); phentermine (sugar pill); provigil (insurance denied PA); ambien (sleep-walking, sleep-eating, sleep-arguing); trazadone (panic attack twice after taking); doxepin (dropped by IP pdoc because TCA); adderallXR (dropped by IP pdoc because stimulant); latuda (induced mania); abilify (akathisia second go round); risperdal (drug-induced parkinsonianism); klonopin (slightly too sedating)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do this too.  Sometimes when I"m stuck replaying some dumb thing I said over and over, I try to cram something else into my thoughts to disrupt it.  I'll think of something I have to plan, like what am I going to wear the rest of the week, or what am I going to have for lunch tomorrow, something that requires enough thought that it will knock a kink into that looping thought circle.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@dancesintherain could you take the Ativan PRN when things get their worst instead of splitting smaller doses? Do you like the zyprexa? For me 7.5 of zyprexa didn't cut it but I TOTALLY understand not wanting to mess with that. 

Are these thoughts majorly affecting sleep? 

Edited by Iceberg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can ask on the Ativan...I currently take it as 0.5mg am and 0.5mg pm.  I should probably track the thoughts and figure out when they're most frequent.  It's not an every day thing, but when they come, they hit hard.  Zyprexa I may need to change in the near future because of weight gain issues, but it otherwise seems helpful.  I'm not supposed to make huge med changes now because of the type of therapy I'm doing (exposure-based), but it may be that it's worth it to do it anyway.  Right now, not a huge sleep impact....that's more when trauma stuff gets to me.  So I guess an impact, but of a different sort.

sorry quietly bonkers, I missed your reply.  I like intentionally going to something that requires a lot of brain power.  I may have to come up with some ideas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Zyprexa killed me on the weight gain so I feel you there. What I used to do was spilt the Ativan three ways and give the biggest dose when the mood/anxiety/irritability was worse for me. For what it's worth, and I know you don't want to make changes now but rexulti was great for depressive rumination for me. Unfortunately clozaril is the only thing that really controls them and I doubt u wanna go down that road. Also - off the wall here - would your doc ever consider a non sedating typical antipsychotic? Might help the thoughts without the sedation. Most doc's aren't cool with that but I've a little success with it 

I bring that up cuz uve tried most aaps not cuz I'm from the dinosaur age. But it seems like uve been on quite the med go round....I know how much that sucks and I really help that therapy helps 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do this too.

The way I cope with it is pretty similar to @quietly bonkers: redirect and distract. During the day, I force myself to change my activity - get up and clean the kitchen or fold laundry or leave my desk and get a drink in the break room. I try to be very mindful of the new activity, pull my focus as much as possible onto that. At bedtime is harder, because I don't want to change the focus away from turning my mind down enough for sleep. However, I might turn on music or a guided meditation and try to sink into that. 

I try not to say to myself "don't think that!" but rather "yeah, sucks that I said/did that, but can't undo that now... hmm, this tea tastes really good"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the strategy geek--it's hard to get past the "I shouldn't have said that" sometimes.  They're just really, really embarassing things, in part because I learned growing up that showing (and, honestly, having) emotions was wrong.  So that's probably what I need to start with.

Iceberg, thanks for the medication ideas.  Yes, meds and I have a rocky relationship.  The list in my signature/that I posted is since I was 20 and I'm now 35 though, so it's not as absolutely awful as it looks.  It's spread out over 15 years.  That said, I've been on my current meds for 4 months in total (though some are longstanding faithful ones) and that's almost a record because my past psychiatrist liked to tweak at every appointment.  My current psychiatrist doesn't seem to have that approach. 

I'd probably need to up the ativan if I was going to split it three ways, but I do have some room to go up.  I've taken 2 mg (split) before.  I don't know about the non-sedating typicals...which ones are you talking about?  I'm just not very familiar with them.  I only did the barest of trials of rexulti--I was at the lowest dose and then decided I was more comfortable switching to seroquelXR (not that that worked).  I'd be willing to give it a chance.  I don't know if it would sub out for the zyprexa in terms of what it does--I'm not sure of its strength as an antipsychotic, as opposed to antidepressant/stabilization.  But with my diagnosis of BP1, rather than schizoaffective, I technically don't get psychosis if my mood is stable.  So worth a thought. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×