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What Makes a Suicide Attempt?

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On 8/22/2018 at 11:53 PM, Igobihim said:

If you are planning then you should definitely tell someone. Having thoughts and ideas is a little different, I have them still. But I know how to cope with them and send them back into the ether and keep walking forward. It's because of my past actions that I am able to have this insite.

I am by no means saying go try again and document your experience.

Having passing thoughts should be checked. Because they can grow into action, you should look up DBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, depression coping skills and anxiety coping skills. These all have coping mechanisms and skills for all sorts of things. Skills take time to learn and to actually use. Are you seeing anyone, a doctor or therapist? You could tell them if you have one. It would be a good idea to use coping before these thoughts get more aggressive. 

Again, if these thoughts have gone into a plan, where you think of time, place, who will find you, what to use and how, you need to tell someone.

I hope I answered ok. I hope that you are doing well.

Thank you for your post.  Besides backing out of an attempt, the closest I ever got was two years ago.  I had everything planned, and the date was several weeks away.  I started to get my affairs in order.  I was at peace with my decision, because I truly believed that I was not worth living and everybody would be better off without me.  It made me happy thinking that I would be doing people the ultimate favor by dying.  I thought my friends and family would be happy and relieved that I was gone.  I also felt so worthless I thought eating was a waste of food.  But before I could execute my plan, I started having suicidal impulses and voices trying to trick me into doing it before my planned date.  That's when I actually got scared of dying, but I was largely concerned that I was going to do it before everything was in order.  I told my wife I was suicidal because I figured she was the only one who could stop me.  I then got help and treatment (I had never had any sort of mental health treatment before).

The only action I've done since was driving to a wooded park with a means.  I left it in the car, though, and went into the woods for awhile by myself.  Mostly my suicidal thoughts are planning.  I had thoughts this week, but dang it I have so much going on over the next couple months that I really need to be here for.  :lol:

Another thing is the cyclical and random nature of my moods.  I might be severely depressed, but a few days later I'm just fine.  I showed my pdoc my mood tracker app and he said the constant ups and downs of my mood are not indicative of major depressive disorder.  I asked if it was a characteristic of bipolar and he said no.  I asked what it was then, and he said "I don't know."  I appreciate honesty!  He said he's more concerned with appropriate treatments than labels.  I have been hypomanic before so that at least technically puts me as BPII.

All that said, when I have suicidal thoughts, I do recognize that they will go away soon when my mood comes back up.  Two years ago they weren't going away, but I wasn't getting treatment.  Now I firmly believe my treatment (meds, therapy, community support, etc.) makes my down times not last very long.

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2 hours ago, patents said:

All that said, when I have suicidal thoughts, I do recognize that they will go away soon when my mood comes back up. 

It's good you track your mood and I am glad you told your wife. When you dip low and the suicidal planning thoughts come it might be a good time to invite your wife into that realm, tell her the plan and ask for accountability, maybe if you have it set for a two weeks on a Monday after work, then tell her that, request that day off from work and have your wife do the same, and instead of doing the plan you go out to lunch, take a walk, get ice cream cones and live your life with the good things. This is just a suggestion. My eMoods app tells me I am quite manic and have been for a good portion of this month. So, I might not be giving good advice. The little things in life that are good seem to weigh less and have a smaller impact on our mental health than that of bad or negative things, which means you should focus on doing more good things to help stack up the positive self that we all hope to be at some point.

I hope I said things normal and I gave some good advice. Or if anything was even relevant.

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