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deeschmee

Anyone Met There Birth Family?

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My adopted female parent was verbally, physically and mentally abusive. I avoid her at all costs.

I met my birth female parent 16 years ago and she's no better, just different.

I can't even spend time around my birth siblings because there MI/substance abuse triggers me immensely.

Anyone else adopted?

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Not myself but I had two separate friends sometime ago who both were. 
One (a very kind/caring man in his late 40s) said he was never interested. His argument essentially was that if he wasn't worth the effort of raising, why would he want to meet them? Sure he had their DNA - but that was the only link.

The other one (late teens) had a very different mindset. He was curious to meet them, but he was also aware that he was removed from their custody (not given up wilfully) and that it might not be the best idea, nor an easy process. 

I can't imagine how hard it is.

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41 minutes ago, StarCrazy said:

His argument essentially was that if he wasn't worth the effort of raising, why would he want to meet them?

That's a strange argument. A lot of people who give up their children for adoption do so because they can't provide for them the home that the child deserves so they give up the child in hopes that a suitably vetted adoptive family will leave them better off. And it's a hard decision to give up your child. It's not about being worth the effort of raising the child for the vast majority of people.

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I don't disagree with you @jt07 . And I'm not trying to suggest that one shouldn't meet their birth parents.

I guess he must have been quite happy where he was and didn't want to open old wounds. He was a very rational thinker and politically free-spirited person - I imagine it was something he had given a lot of thought to.
There's also that whole thing of never being able to unknow things, unsee information etc. I imagine he just was just happier with the door kept shut.

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Unless your adopted, then it's difficult to understand the feelings of abandonment. Regardless of what the birth mother/parent had intended.

I recently found out that my birth mother had a daughter and met her future husband when she was pregnant with me. I believe she even married him ( to keep him out of jail. And he was under age) while she was pregnant with me. Told the judge he's was going to settle down and be a good dad to the baby (me). I was not his and she gave me away.

Many, many feelings for me surrounding this...

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