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I’ve become nearly bedridden. All I do is lay in bed at home most of my time. I don’t know how it got this bad but it has.

I can’t concentrate on anything. I can’t do TV or movies. I can’t read books. I can’t make myself do hobbies like crafts. I can’t listen to music much because of the death messages I receive. I rarely cook or shower and never clean anymore. I’m ashamed.

My tdoc says just do those things. Like it’s that easy. It’s not that easy. Yesterday she made it sound like we are doing all we can therapy wise. Like it’s as good as it gets. And I’m trying the last option med too (clozapine). If this won’t work, nothing will.

I hate what I’ve become. My husband and parents would be better off without me weighing them down. I’ve got no plans as of yet and probably never will. Too scared. I can’t even get that right. 

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Cheese,

I'm quite worried about you. Does it seem like you actually got worse on clozapine? Your dose may be too high. When I was on 500mg I lost a lot of motivation, as I've told you before... I don't have much advice, but I really hope you get to feeling better ❤️

 

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I don't have any wisdom to share but wanted to say that I'm sorry you're hurting, Cheese, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Butterflykisses said:

Cheese,

I'm quite worried about you. Does it seem like you actually got worse on clozapine? Your dose may be too high. When I was on 500mg I lost a lot of motivation, as I've told you before... I don't have much advice, but I really hope you get to feeling better ❤️

 

Thanks butterfly. I will ask my pdoc about if clozapine can cause no motivation at a higher dose and see what she says. I should make a list on my blog! So I won’t forget! Thanks for the tip!

11 hours ago, shesellsseashells said:

I don't have any wisdom to share but wanted to say that I'm sorry you're hurting, Cheese, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you shells. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts. Thank you so much. 

11 hours ago, looking for answers said:

thoughts and prayers

Thanks you so much too! I really appreciate the support and kindness. 

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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43 minutes ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

Thanks butterfly. I will ask my pdoc about if clozapine can cause no motivation at a higher dose and see what she says. I should make a list on my blog! So I won’t forget! Thanks for the tip!

Thank you shells. I appreciate the kind words and thoughts. Thank you so much. 

Thanks you so much too! I really appreciate the support and kindness. 

always in thought cheese. I cant promise im ever of any help, but you can always talk to me, or message me FYI

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16 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

My tdoc says just do those things. Like it’s that easy. It’s not that easy. Yesterday she made it sound like we are doing all we can therapy wise. Like it’s as good as it gets. 

Just wanted to say I'm having this same issue with my t-doc......Like your tdoc, she always says just do it   **SIGH**.......I have a very hard time showering, and don't do cooking or clean anymore....I can't do laundry anymore either.

I'm very fortunate to have a good friend who comes to my house and does these things for me.......I do pay her a little bit to do this, but I can't afford to pay much.

I can relate to your issues, because I have the same ones....My tdoc also says she is doing all she can......I know I need a new tdoc, and I'm on waiting lists to get a better one..

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2 hours ago, looking for answers said:

always in thought cheese. I cant promise im ever of any help, but you can always talk to me, or message me FYI

You are very helpful. I always appreciate your support. Thank you for that. 

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2 hours ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Just wanted to say I'm having this same issue with my t-doc......Like your tdoc, she always says just do it   **SIGH**.......I have a very hard time showering, and don't do cooking or clean anymore....I can't do laundry anymore either.

I'm very fortunate to have a good friend who comes to my house and does these things for me.......I do pay her a little bit to do this, but I can't afford to pay much.

I can relate to your issues, because I have the same ones....My tdoc also says she is doing all she can......I know I need a new tdoc, and I'm on waiting lists to get a better one..

Oh no. I’m sorry to hear your tdoc has the same mindset. I don’t know why they think we can just magically do things all of a sudden when the MI monsters are beating us down day after day. If it were that easy I would have done all those things eons ago already!

 I’m glad you have a very good friend who helps you! Friends like that are hard to come by! I’m glad you have that support. Technically I think my case manager could come over to my house to “supervise” me or “help get me started” on a small chore like washing dishes or something, but I haven’t utilized her for that. And my house needs deeper cleaning than dishes. We’re talking like bathrooms. Yuck. 

I hope you get a new tdoc soon. Mine is usually better than this but lately it’s like she has given up almost. Ugh. 

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38 minutes ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

Oh no. I’m sorry to hear your tdoc has the same mindset. I don’t know why they think we can just magically do things all of a sudden when the MI monsters are beating us down day after day. If it were that easy I would have done all those things eons ago already!

 I’m glad you have a very good friend who helps you! Friends like that are hard to come by! I’m glad you have that support. Technically I think my case manager could come over to my house to “supervise” me or “help get me started” on a small chore like washing dishes or something, but I haven’t utilized her for that. And my house needs deeper cleaning than dishes. We’re talking like bathrooms. Yuck. 

I hope you get a new tdoc soon. Mine is usually better than this but lately it’s like she has given up almost. Ugh. 

Have u ever done by chance a clozaril blood level? We stared when I got to 400 mgs and was totally stoned. Turned out the blood levels showed that I only needed a small dose to be "therapeutic". Not all doc's use/trust them but it's been helpful for me to just see if we're in the right ballpark

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Cheese, I hope you don't mind me posting on this board. I just want to offer you support and empathy.

I am much the same way as you. I spend most of my time in bed. My computer is set up next to my bed. I don't cook. I don't clean my place. I find it nearly impossible to take showers regularly. I'd rather buy new clothes on the internet than go to the laundromat. I live most of my time in my head.

The problem with meds is that there is no med that is going to make us jump out of bed and start doing things. The most meds will do is to make things seem easier and less onerous. But they are not going to get us out of bed. This is why the therapist says to just do it. That is the only way I can get things done when I absolutely have to do something. Just do it. It certainly beats the "fake it till you make it" philosophy of some therapists. I wish there were better answers.

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4 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

  And my house needs deeper cleaning than dishes. We’re talking like bathrooms. Yuck. 

Would it be an option for you to hire a cleaning service, just to do a one-time deep-cleaning?.....Then it wouldn't feel so overwhelming trying to maintain it.....

Just my 2 cents.

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On 3/10/2019 at 1:45 PM, Iceberg said:

Have u ever done by chance a clozaril blood level? We stared when I got to 400 mgs and was totally stoned. Turned out the blood levels showed that I only needed a small dose to be "therapeutic". Not all doc's use/trust them but it's been helpful for me to just see if we're in the right ballpark

Well my pdoc bumped up the clozapine to 600 mg total daily today. I’m scared of taking so much. She didn’t mention any blood level test for it. I wonder if that would be helpful. I should have asked her but I got so flustered with the PRN let down and the rushing of the appointment that I didn’t get to discuss everything I wanted to.  

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On 3/10/2019 at 2:42 PM, jt07 said:

Cheese, I hope you don't mind me posting on this board. I just want to offer you support and empathy.

I am much the same way as you. I spend most of my time in bed. My computer is set up next to my bed. I don't cook. I don't clean my place. I find it nearly impossible to take showers regularly. I'd rather buy new clothes on the internet than go to the laundromat. I live most of my time in my head.

The problem with meds is that there is no med that is going to make us jump out of bed and start doing things. The most meds will do is to make things seem easier and less onerous. But they are not going to get us out of bed. This is why the therapist says to just do it. That is the only way I can get things done when I absolutely have to do something. Just do it. It certainly beats the "fake it till you make it" philosophy of some therapists. I wish there were better answers.

Your help is always welcome jt. I guess my hope for a magic pill for some motivation is just another let down. I’m foolish to think meds were going to help that much. I don’t even know if they are helping at all at this point. And my weight has gone up (+15 lbs) and my blood pressure too since starting this “last ditch effort miracle pill”(that is anything but a miracle, what a cruel joke).

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On 3/10/2019 at 5:11 PM, CrazyRedhead said:

Would it be an option for you to hire a cleaning service, just to do a one-time deep-cleaning?.....Then it wouldn't feel so overwhelming trying to maintain it.....

Just my 2 cents.

I would be so embarrassed and so worried they would steal from me. I just know they would try to take something. How can I let someone in my home that I don’t know? I don’t trust people. And husband would tell me to just do it. He wouldn’t approve of a cleaning lady. I mean, what else do I have to do during the day anyway? I’m so lame. I just can’t cross this hurdle. 

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I know how you feel, I too spend a lot of time in bed, it gets worse when I get restless (can't even lie still in bed let alone sleep).  I don't know what you can do except take little steps come out of bed just for 20 minutes (that's what I try to do)

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