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Found 28 results

  1. Had a tiny fight with my psychiatrist, he seems to be dobuting my diagnosis. In the hospital they tried to say i was bpd with bipolar, but my psychologist says i cant be bpd and even my psychiatrist used to think im not. I dont have any bpd traits other than emotional inestability. Anyways im mad bc people dobut my psychotic symptoms he thinks is just something from my imagination or something "typical" from me. Im mad bc the new medication is not working and now i have panic attacks i didnt had before. The hospital kinda helped kinda made things worse. I feel like my doctor has left me behind, he doesnt care anymore, if he had answered or seen me 15days before when i asked, before i had my big crisis i wouldnt had ended in hospital. Im scheduling an appointment with a new doctor. But i feel so lost, so sad, like no one can help me, not even doctors. Its not fair. This illness is destroying my life. Has anyone ever had this kind of problems with doctors? Have you had a moment where medication made things worse?
  2. I am having a lot of problems. I am enrolled in a mental health program, and I (finally) see the psychiatrist in 2 weeks, but I am basically holding on my a thread until then, because it feels like my only hope. I'm 34 and I still have no real diagnosis, because I've never been able to access medical care for long enough to get one. The current tentative one is Bipolar II with Eating Disorder in remission, but I've been given ADHD, GAD, OCD, OCPD, MDD in the past, plus Gender Dysphoria and some autoimmune activity as well. Also pretty deep poverty. I am cripplingly depressed and dysfunctional. I've had repeated "bad periods" of my life, where I'll be previously be "neurotic but stable", but then start slipping downwards into complete non-function. When this happens I usually lose my job and my partner, and more than once my home and most of my personal possessions -- this has happened over and over. This current "bad period" started last summer, where I just started to feel a little more tired, but now I've had to drop out of everything in life since can barely leave the house, am increasingly suicidal. The only reason I'm not homeless this time is a family member stepped in to help my bills (which no one has ever done before). And the ED is starting to resurface after many years in remission because I literally can't afford to buy food and don't qualify for state assistance. Some days I have overwhelming depression and hopelessness and can barely get out of bed. Some days I feel constant looming terror like something bad will happen and I'm afraid to leave my room. Some days I seem to be emotionally all over place. Some days I feel completely groggy, like my head is in a fog, and have difficulty making sentences or even playing solitaire. As far as I can see all of this is totally random and happens for no reason. However -- and this is big -- from the outside most people see nothing wrong. I'm never "sick enough" to have an "excuse" for my problems. I've had several different brief periods with talk-therapy, usually 6 months max, and I hate them because they've never seemed to do anything beneficial. I talk about my feelings and do whatever little "tips" they tell me and then go home and nothing is changed. Currently I'm supposed to be doing "affirmations" (yet again) but I simply cannot -- they say that negative self-talk is "a self-fulfilling prophesy", but the fact is I didn't have negative self-talk when I was younger and first having problems. Every evidence of my adult life shows that I fail out of everything and can't function as an adult. I have zero confidence in myself because I have zero evidence of capability. I feel defective. My mom and some other people are pushing me to get disability, but I've tried to tell them I don't even have a diagnosis -- being a dysfunctional loser isn't a legal disability. They are also pinning a lot of hopes on the Psychiatrist, as if taking a pill is the solution to all problems instantaneously. I know it doesn't work that way, because even if they put me on the "right" meds the first time around, they don't start working right away anyway. I'm enrolled in college but I am barely hanging on, and I don't know if my problems are going to get better fast enough to avoid getting kicked out. And if I lose that, I have absolutely nothing left in life. I just wish I had an "explanation", and some "validation", but it feels like most people think that even if I do have genuine problems, they aren't actually bad enough to explain my dysfunctional life. So I don't know what I'm asking or what kind of support I need right now.
  3. Hi! I'm new to the board and I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this. I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 but mostly I had depressive episodes. Some years later my episodes changed to light mood swings with hallucinations, delusions and "strange behavior" like wearing wigs and sunglasses to distract the people I thought was chasing me. In the current "episode" I have no mood alterations I just started to feel sure I was going to die soon. Like a hunch. Shortly after that I started seeing angels that visit me because I'm gonna die soon. I also hear a voice that tells me I'm about to die. I'm not depressed or manic I just feel my mind jumbled and confused. I was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but I checked out before they could diagnose (mostly because I needed my cigarrettes. I'm a chain smoker). I don't know if that's possible in America but here you can chek out of psychiatric hospitals pretty much whenever you want. Anyway, is this psychosis? Bipolar? Does my situation has a name?
  4. Hi, everyone. So I'm almost 20, and I know that ASD is usually diagnosed in the early years of life. But I'm about 85% sure that I have ASD. The only problem is, I don't know how to go about finding someone to tell me whether or not I have it. Does anyone know what I should do?
  5. I don't know how to feel ... I got used to the idea that I was just stupid because my past haunts me but now I'm not and my past really is the issue, not my perception of it? I feel confused, angry, and a bit hurt that nobody believed me until this last IP stay. Anybody else have this problem?
  6. Hi All, I'm new here and I am so grateful for this space. I received a tentative BP II (I believe rapid cycling) dx a rather long time ago (over a decade), and have been on a mood stab. since then (lamictal). The thing is, I'm not certain if this fits me. I know you can't dx me, but I am hoping that maybe someone shares my experience, or can shed some light on what's going on for me. All of this is based on a fairly shaky memory of the time + my parents memory. Way back then, in my pre-teen days, I presented as having periods of being "stable," active and generally good. Very suddenly, I would go into extreme irritability and frustration with uncontrollable outbursts, typically triggered by something. I remember feeling, after these outbursts, that I had no control over them and would often be very apologetic and ashamed. As I got into my teens, I would more often rapidly spiral down into deep deep, inconsolable despair. The latter is pretty clearly depression, but does the former count as hypomania? Those period wouldn't last the requisite 4 days, they were just extremely fast shifts. There were times where I would get hyper focused on projects with a belief that, whatever I was doing it needed to be genius and the "best." The irritability and frustration would often be present as well. I don't recall ever having periods of euphoria and hyperactivity so often described as hypomania. I also don't know if I ever had grandiose ideas about myself, but I do know that I often believed myself to be different and wanted to be the "best" at everything. I wanted everyone to see me as super special and recognize my amazingness. Sometimes I would get into a cleaning frenzy with my room and have to reorganize everything, but I don't think those moods would last very long. I should mention that around the same time, I had developed a severe anxiety disorder with near-daily panic attacks. As an adult, I still have periods of crashing into deep depression, but for a while the periods in between have been longer (except recently they may be getting shorter again?). I don't know if I ever have what could be considered hypomania. I will have high energy periods where I want to be social and get frustrated if I don't have plans (but that could be normal). I will also get very focused and intense about work, and will commit myself to projects that I later lose interest in/can't follow through on due to the depression. A couple of different meds I have tried have triggered high high energy and pressured speech, but that's a med thing I believe. Anyways, apologies for this being long, I am finally in a stage of my life where I am trying to make sense of all of this and take charge of my treatment. I have been pretty passive about it for a while, but I have seen how it does severely impact my life. I just want to be able to hold down a job and advance in a career and have relationships without needing to bail!
  7. My name is Stephane, and I've been recently diagnosed with borderline and/or bipolar II...which is where my dilemma comes in. My psychologist believes I have borderline PD, my psychiatrist, who spends more time with me, believes I have rapid cycling bipolar II. I see my psychologist once a month and my psychiatrist twice a week. I've tried to get them to talk to each other to come up with one concrete diagnosis, but they only want to go through me. I know a diagnosis won't define me, but I sure wish I knew what I am so I can come up with a plan of action. Has anyone else had this issue? I believe I'm bipolar--I was diagnosed bipolar by my primary care physician as a child--but I can't help but feel mounting frustration. The doctor not in charge of my meds wants my meds upped to take the edge off my psychosis. The doctor in charge of my meds gets mad that the other doctor is challenging his BPD diagnosis and says no. Help. What would be a good way to help fix this? I love both my doctors and respect them both, but the only thing they agree on is that I have OCD.
  8. I know it says it in most of our signatures, but I was wondering if we could get a thread going of what antipsychotic(s) we are taking regardless of diagnosis, what dose, how well it/each work on a scale from 1-10, and its side effect(s) + any good side effects: I take: antipsychotic: risperidone dose: 3mg performance: 6 out of 10 effectiveness effects: I have a large appetite and its hard to keep the pounds off and I sleep 10-12 hours. It keeps my symptoms under my control. I am wondering if there is something better.
  9. There are things regarding my Mental Health that I need to inform my Pdoc and Tdoc. It does effect my treatment; medications and therapy. However it does not involve self harm or anything of that nature (more on the lines of symptoms they don't know about). I have a fear of 'unwarranted' diagnosis, stemming from past situations that causes major trust issues in telling things to my current team. Basically it is getting harder hiding things from them, and I need to share some symptoms before I go into any kind of crisis (we well as preventing crisis, and just getting correct treatment). To be able to tell them though, I need to feel safe - and I was hoping someone could answer some questions to help me with that.... My Pdoc and Tdoc are on the same care team, can they share information without my permission? My Pdoc visits are only every other month in 15 minute appointments, and I would prefer to get my thoughts and feelings in order with my Tdoc first like she usually helps me with (considering I see her every week - and do this possibly for a month or so) before I discuss it with my Pdoc.I signed papers for both my Pdoc and Tdoc saying if need be, they could 'share my information with my insurance company'...how far does this go and what exactly does this mean?? Like I said, I have a fear of "unwarranted diagnosis" - meaning I have a fear if I talk to my Tdoc about how I go through episodes where I isolate myself and don't take showers for weeks and think people are watching me through my windows, that she is going to diagnose me with 'Psychosis' and send it my my insurance company, which will get back to my GP, which will get to everyone else who is connected to that electronic system (like it did when I was a teenager - I fucking hate the electronic system they use). I'm afraid everything I say will attach a new label to me, and that will be sent to the Insurance company. Is that how it works?It's a mix of anxiety and mistrust - as well as being uneducated of how the system works; which doesn't go well with the current depression I'm in. If anyone knows how it works in the US I would be appreciative.
  10. I know I could just read the lists of symptoms, but they never really seem to capture what weird brain stuff is like when it actually happens, so I thought maybe if I described what happens to me someone out there could go "yes, that's it!" or "meh, no, you're on the wrong path here." This seems to have gotten long, but I don't have anyone in meatspace to ask other than my p-doc, so I figured I'd be detailed. I'm 43, and I have long term (30+ years, starting at least in early teens) major chronic depression with looong depressive episodes, especially the last 5 years or so. Also GAD, same duration, with mildly agoraphobic episodes, panic, etc. For years I answered the question "have you experienced any manic episodes" on screenings with "no", although the last 5 years or so I've been hedging with "I don't know what feeling normally good is, so IDK," and I don't have anything I would classify as the full-blown mania I see in friends--sudden moods with grandiose plans, expansive gestures, intense hyperactivity, crazy spending sprees, etc. But I get these periods maybe 2-3 times a year where I kinda start feeling better and then there is this sort of whoomph and it's like I'm on a low dose of the best, smoothest speed in the world. I feel good, I don't hate the way I look, I actually gather up bills and pay them, I can call and find people to fix things in my house, I actively set up things to do with my friends multiple times in one week, being dead doesn't seem so much like an alluring option, I go to the gym, I resolve to start cooking means with multiple food groups again and actually do it, all these things sound pretty normal, I guess? Do normal people feel like this? Crystal clear. Fierce. I do the sort of kinda crazy things I've fantasized about for months but always seemed prudent not to do--usually because they seemed like they'd go bad pretty quickly, and sometimes they do, but never--well, since I left my teens--really anything that would be actively dangerous or professionally or financially really risky, and never "out of character" except I would otherwise be too anxious to do them, and, hey, having some adventure sometimes is good, right? I mean, I could just be super-anxious the rest of the time and this is normal. I have trouble sleeping more than 5 hours a night, which I just started noticing coincides with this other stuff--usually the depression+meds makes me sleepy a lot--that's the only thing that doesn't seem like it probably isn't necessarily normal. This part usually lasts ~ 4-5 days, but the more or less not depressed part lasts longer--maybe 10 days, maybe a month, occasionally longer if I'm lucky. I also have these spurts every couple of months for 2-3 days where I feel like breaking things and everything drives me crazy and I snap at people. I mean, not badly, but it's not what I'm like the rest of the time. And occasionally, with that, I get these periods of a few hours where I can't stand to have anything touch me and everything is wrong and I can't move because I don't know what I'd do and I rock back and forth. Also, I scratch and cut myself (infrequently), although I do that when I'm depressed or anxious, sometimes, too. Like I said, I've never really thought this could possibly be mania, but I'm in one of these periods right now and happened to be reading some info on BP-II and hypomania sort of randomly and it felt like maybe that was what happens to me. With a kind of dramatic dip of a couple of years when everything in life ganged up on me--life threatening illness, accidental deaths of loved ones, divorce, natural disaster, all in a row--I'm comparatively very successful in the career niche I managed to carve out to suit my mood/anxiety parameters, advanced degrees, introverted but like people. Lots of friends who are okay with me avoiding them for months sometimes when things are really down. Always go to work, take care of my daughter, bathe, eat, groom at least reasonably well even when really depressed, etc. Just push through. The meds I'm on right now--Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Zoloft--seem to work pretty well to make that much less of a struggle. Did talk therapy for years and years but, other than a long push of rather eclectic CBT when I was going through some really awful mostly relationship-related crap, it never really helped. I mean, I could articulate my neuroses and the shrinks helped clarify that, but I never felt better about anything. I don't know that changing my diagnosis would make any of that different, but I'm wondering if this is worth bringing up with my p-doc, or if this just doesn't look like hypomania and I shouldn't even bother. Does this resonate with anyone? Or maybe someone can tell me if this is what normal feels like? I just feel like I have no real frame of reference.
  11. I was diagnosed bipolar type 1 in July of 2013 and have gone from 300mg of lithium a day and 80mg of Geodon a day to just 60mg of Geodon a day over the course of that year and a half. I have been completely stable since my first and only manic episode back in 2013. About three months ago, my psychiatrist told me that she wanted to slowly take me off meds because at the time of my psychotic break (or manic episode) I was smoking a LOT of weed and refaced childhood sexual abuse for the first time since it happened to me and those two things could have contributed to a psychotic meltdown. In other words, maybe I'm not bipolar - maybe it was an isolated psychosis brought on by drugs and childhood trauma. But make no mistake, I was psychotic. Completely delusional (I thought I was being recruited to be angel, for example) and hallucinated (messages from the tv and radio). My question for anyone willing to converse is: are you totally stable on medication or do you still have episodes even while medicated? Do you think I'm probably just stable because of the meds? I realize these are impossible to truly answer because you are not my doctor, but I'm hoping maybe someone out there has a story similar to mine. Thanks!
  12. I've been progressing through treatment with a psychiatrist, at last, after many years of problems and have had increasing success as medication has been applied. It now seems, though, there may be hypothyroidism at play (Hashimoto). Reading up on this form of the condition, it seems to present with many symptoms associated with mental illness. I'm wondering, if this is possibly the source of much or all of my symptoms, why have the medications prescribed by my psychiatrist been particularly effective? (at least in some key areas) While I'm here, has anyone else had a similar experience?
  13. I can't wrap my head around my diagnosis. Is my pdoc sure about it? What if it's a mistake? Since I am diagnosed, I feel as though I can't be anything except my diagnosis. All I did, do or think becomes my MI, if I really have one. I do not know how to tell you this, but I feel like if I ignore it it will go away. I'm not at idiot. I know my issues won't go away. I guess I am in denial. Maybe I have something else entirely? I don't know anymore. Has anyone went through this and got out of it at least a little because I can't seem to see far beyond what I tell you now.
  14. Over the last month or so, I've been turning to you guys at Crazyboards to seek some common ground, as I sure don't feel it where I'm at. I'm 32, live in a major city w/ my boyfriend, and my sincerest hope is to be able to save up enough money to move out of state for graduate school. By trade I'm a fairly disappointing legal secretary, where I'm daily treated like dirt by my coworkers no matter how hard I try to do my best. This is what happens when you have nothing but work-study office work experience to put on a resume as an undergrad. Nevermind how mindnumbingly bored I was after day one, I should be "lucky" I have a job in this economic climate...hey it's just a paycheck and benefits I tell myself. It takes all the willpower I've got just to get out of bed every morning because I know I'm headed for a day of nonstop ridicule. Moving on... Anyway, since age 20 or so I experienced mood swings. At first, I thought I had a borderline personality. I fit pretty much all the criteria, especially fear of abandonment, moods that changed at the drop of a hat (never positive, mind you), and my relationships - friend or significant other- were all so very messed up. It wasn't until a particularly bad breakup at age 26 that everything came to a head. I attempted suicide with booze and pills in a bathtub (my favorite place to be) and not only did I lose my shot at rekindling the relationship with that guy, but I lost pretty much all my friends. Two years ago, I lost another "best friend" after I started dating a mutual friend. The first time around was understandable - I was chewing this girl's ear off about my ex and she couldn't take it. Or, more likely, her new boyfriend was scared of me. One day, I came home shaking from every negative feeling known to man. I took a nearby wineglass and smashed it against the counter. She moved out not long after without a word. This latest time, however, I know I didn't deserve to be dropped. She claimed I was a "bad friend," which translated roughly to "You have a boyfriend and I don't, and I can't be happy for you, so I"m giving you the kiss-off." Nevermind I dropped everything to be with her while her mother was dying in the hospital, was with her the moment she died, and took days off from work to be at her wake and funeral. Nope, my boyfriend and I were just bad people apparently. I'm quite sure the only thing I did wrong was back out on meeting her at a cheap restaurant because I was feeling sick. With an autoimmune disease flare-up. Again, moving on... The title of my post is exactly that. I am doing my best to get some help again. It turns out that I did not have BPD as originally thought. Up until a couple months after my suicide attempt, I had only ever been prescribed antidepressants. Effexor had been the one to do me in. It's truly the devil. After 4 months of being on it, I started having intense nightmares - semi trucks falling from the sky like rain...killer tornadoes...pestilence. In my ignorance, I thought it was a mere side effect of the drug. I developed a terribly short fuse, hurling both insults and items such as my jewelry box at the wall in my dorm room. My friends at the time were in my roommate's room (our rooms were connected by a bathroom), and they were terrified. Of me - the person most likely to be terrified of other people. I never knew at the time that these rage outbursts were my first instances of true mania. I assumed it was BPD, a) because the mood switches were within hours and b) there was (to my knowledge) no bipolar disorder running in my family. No diagnosed bipolar disorder, that is. Now I know otherwise. In 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease Sjogren's syndrome, I went for psychological testing to see if I had attention deficit disorder. I had a lot of memory problems that was making work much more difficult that it really was (aside from my inability to socialize), and I also wanted to see if I had dyscalcula since I was so horrendous at math. After over 10 hours of testing, a neuropsychologist diagnosed me with Bipolar I and Paranoid Personality Disorder, the latter of which I denied - if anything, I had an avoidant personality. I can't look anyone in the eye, I refuse to answer the door or leave my bedroom wherever I live, you know the drill. Fear of rejection after years of being rejected/bullied as a child. Had a secret to carry since I was 3 years old, also making me not trust anyone. So I guess I was pretty much always a weirdo in everyone else's eyes. My 300 question personality indicator survey pointed the doctor in the direction of BP I as opposed to II since my answers had been "extreme," although the last time I received treatment they told me I had BP II because I seemed to have more hypomanias and depression. My main "problem areas" include overspending, taking on too many projects, not wanting to go to sleep EVER, and executive dysfunction. In terms of that, it surprised me to learn I had a slow reading disorder (I'm an English major and now a part time writer and editor, so Ii LOVE to read) but was average in math. I qualified for extra time on my GRE exam, but I for some reason decided I didn't need to take it. Apparently the test results are only good for a year. It was 10 hours of testing and I paid approximately $500 for the whole thing. So now I do need to take the GRE's and will have to either study my ass off to do well or be tested all over again. I've had various things happen, usually involving $$$, that made me put getting treatment on the backburner. Having crappy teeth is par for the course when you have Sjogren's, so most of it went to that. I also have chronic back pain, knee pain, and arthritis due to my autoimmune disorder. I originally was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal. Then I switched to a world renowed bipolar specialist who only ever prescribed lithium. Lithium, while I felt it had worked to reduce my hypomanias, did very little for my depressions and made all the physical symptoms from my Sjogren's like dryness and joint pain, worse. Not to mention, it increased my acne. No, thanks. I briefly tried Abilify and it made me nauseous and made my eyes extremely sensitive to light. II'm hoping to find a new pdoc soon because my relationships (what's left of them) are all starting to deteriorate. If I lose my boyfriend, who is also my best friend (and I his), my world will basically collapse. I'm so grateful for his understanding...and his appreciation of my weirdness. But he knows my moods are swinging more and more out of control as the days go by. A few days ago, I went to hopped in the shower and started singing, dancing, doing push-ups while in the shower...came back to my room and wanted to have a dance party. My boyfriend yawned and said, "Oh no, here she goes again..." It's not all fun, though. I'm very snappish. We rented a room with a Nepalese family just to save money before our big move a couple months ago, and needless to say, it's been one big nightmare. They move my stuff around a lot, which I really can't stand because my last roommate stole from me constantly. Instead of politely explain how my olive oil that I swore I bought went missing, I ended up making the guy think I was accusing him or his family of stealing (entirely possible, since someone took a slice of our pizza without asking. No we label everything). That was over a month ago, and now no one except the roommate who isn't related to them, will talk to me. I feel like I have done this a lot in my life. My extreme social anxiety, fueled by paranoia and irritable hypomania, ruins my conversational skills. And they were never great to begin with. I really don't want to be like this forever, so I'm willing to make the necessary changes. I would give anything just to give the appearance of being normal, even if I never could be. Thanks for reading. Misfit Love
  15. i'm gonna try to say this as concisely as i can because my journey with mental illness has been a long one (even though i'm only 19 lol) (omg i'm now reading over this as i'm writing and this is basically my life story in a nutshell please bare with me!!!) as a very young child, i was very happy but extremely hyperactive. once i started school, i started exhibiting clear signs of mental illness - the hyperactivity persisted, along with tantrums, angry outbursts, impulse control issues, and general unhappiness. (also, funny story, for some reason cravings for carbs are a sign of childhood bipolar and i was also a complete hound for pasta). ages 8-9, i started getting in shouting matches with my teachers in the middle of class. i also was disliked by a lot of my peers (if that means anything). i ended up switching schools because i was so unhappy, and i had a much better time ages 10-11 because i was at a school that i liked and had a few good friends. of course, i still had my ups and downs. the first year of middle school wasn't too bad, but once i hit 7th grade, i went completely nuts. again, i started getting in verbal fights with teachers. i would pick fights with authority figures left and right, and got myself suspended several times (including posting on myspace that the dean of my school "must die"). i completely could not control my actions. this is around the time my mom decided i should get checked out by a psychiatrist again - she had been taking me every now and then when i was a younger kid, and it was thought that i had ADHD (i still think i have that). at 14, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. ages 13-14, i had mostly crashed from that episode, and i was extremely depressed and suicidal. i also had a very tumultuous relationship with my father at this time and would get in huge verbal and sometimes physical fights with him. during this time i would occasionally have weird, brief outbursts of excitement and hyperactivity (usually lasting a few hours and then i'd go back to being depressed). when i started high school (14-15) i started doing a lot of drugs. this phase lasted most of the school year, until i had a huge blowout with my group of friends and they stopped talking to me. i suddenly got so depressed that i could not get out of bed. i stopped going to school for the last month or so of the school year. this could definitely have been influenced by my use of ecstasy, which i believe had a very negative effect on my mental health. either way it was the most "textbook depressive episode" i had had yet. in 10th grade, i had a few consistent friends, and i had my first romantic relationship. i don't consider it too bad of a year, although i was hospitalized for the first time (my mom called the police on me and i was taken away in handcuffs, quite traumatizing lol). at the end of the year, i was sent away by my parents to a residential treatment center in the middle of nowhere. when i got there i was extremely angry, yelling and screaming at everyone, and had plans to run away. this lasted about a month until i realized i wasn't gonna get out unless i was compliant. at the RTC, i began taking medication consistently for the first time. i believe the RTC helped me with behavioral issues, but not psychiatric ones. at 17 years old, i came back home, was happy for about a month from the excitement of finally being in the outside world, and then became extremely depressed again. this depressive episode has still not ended, and it's been 2 and a half years. i'm suicidal nearly every day, and it's terrible etc. anyway, i was wondering if this truly sounds like the bipolar experience to you guys. i'm having doubts about my diagnosis because none of the typical bipolar medications that i try have been working (i.e. lithium, lamictal, etc). also, when people talk about mania, they always talk about it being this super happy experience where they feel elated and on top of the world and stuff, whereas my experiences that i have thought to be mania are periods of intense, uncontrollable anger and adrenaline rush where it seems that i can't control my actions or the words that come out of my mouth. does this sound like bipolar to you???? wowww this is long, i'm so sorry if you actually read this hahaha
  16. Any time I finally get the nerve to talk about something that's been bothering me, I feel like I am not taken seriously. The only thing I can figure is that I'm not sobbing in front of them or having a hissy fit, so they assume it's not a big deal. I dont' know how other people act when they're in that room; I certainly show little emotion other than occasional pessimism and chronic irritation. I have now brought up the ASD issue with FOUR counselors and everyone just dismisses me. One gave me an ADHD questionnaire and never gave any others because he was already 'sure' it was ADHD before I even took it. Nevermind the fact that I barely knew what he looked like on account of never looking anyone in the eye. 'Cause that's totally normal, right? .................. I don't know if it's a problem of no one taking me seriously or that they see the behaviours in me but don't think there's any point in an assessment so they don't move the conversation in that direction. But I would think that having a PDD-NOS or ASD diagnosis would be helpful, no? Or does it just not matter when you're in your 30s? I've learned to cope. Kind of. I dunno. I feel like my introversion is my downfall. I have a "rich inner life" as they say, and almost everything is on the inside. I was in torment for a very long time and no one suspected much because I do not act out. I have no arrest record. I was never suspended in school or got in fights (mostly because I put up a very intimidating persona and people weren't keen on finding out if it was a bluff or not. It mostly wasn't. So good for them I guess.) I bury everything deep down because that's where I am. And part of that is because I take a long time to process emotion. So I have to give it time to rise to the surface; if it came out too soon, I'd say horrible things to people and later regret it. So do other women here find that they are commonly dismissed? That you aren't taken seriously? Even by other female tdocs? Have you found a way to counter this? How do I get them to take me seriously? The furthest I've gotten was at my last appointment....she decided she'd 'read up' on sensory integration issues. Which I guess is better than nothing. But not much. I finally got her to that point by highlighting the point that 2/3 of my siblings are on the spectrum (& I wouldn't be surprised if both parents are. Father for sure. His whole life has been spent imitating others because he has no idea what he's supposed to do.) and that I had a meltdown over normal (but loud) household noises that resulted in head bashing and nail digging because I couldn't handle it. I told her I wasn't trying to hurt myself. And she believed me (yay!). And I explained that it's like when you stub your toe really hard and to help cope with the pain, you bite your hand. It makes no sense on the surface, but in terms of overwhelming sensory input, it is less nonsensical. Should I even have to explain myself? Or is she just conversing with me and acknowledging what I'm saying? (rhetorical question) I need to find a new place, but I'm so beaten from repeated failure. Every new tdoc requires a rehashing of the misery I endured growing up and it triggers me. And I go through all of it for nothing. Because they're all the same. Feckless chairwarmers that apparently know less about psychology than I do. I can't even think straight today. Sorry if I'm rambling or if this is hard to read.
  17. Okay, I know that I have a mental illness. It shows. But I have been in a guessing game for almost five years now. I was told by my psychology teacher that it is very much a guessing game because there is no like blood test or something or another to tell. Which it's very hard getting tossed back and forth and flipped all around. I want people to know that they are not alone. I have struggled with people listening to me as well I recently changed my psychologist because mine was a pill pusher. So you are not alone if you are being flip flopped. It's hard and if you need any support I am here. And if anyone has any advice that would be wonderful. Thanks!
  18. Right then this is my first post about my personal issues so I'm not entirely sure where to start but I'll do my best to sum things up. I may ramble quite a bit... I am currently not sure what to do with myself, every route I've taken has either dissapointed me or completely ignored me. I have had mental health issues from a very young age (6 or 7) ,noticeable symptoms of an anxiety disorder manifested at around this age and as I got closer to puberty these symptoms became more and more severe. Accompanying these symptoms at the beginning of my teens was the onset of Depression. Up until the age of 15 I was able to function in an inhibited capacity attending school half the time and rarely leaving my house due to depression and low energy. During these years (I am currently 18) I have seen multiple psychologists, psychiatrists and medical professionals. I have spoken about my issues, tried countless types of medication, had blood tests, ultrasounds, ekg's and sleep studies. In the last few years I have essentially been unable to function most days getting out of bed is a task let alone doing anything productive with my life... I have slowly lost contact with my friends my family loath my current state and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Exercise, medication, medical advice all of which recommended by medical professionals has done nothing to ease or halt my symptoms. Any advice would be greatly appreciated I know I need to do something I simply have no idea what. If anyone has had similar issues it would even be nice just to talk to someone about this as nobody I know has any idea what I'm talking about which I suppose makes sense if you have not experienced something yourself you can only really guess what a person is feelling. Tiredone (original I know)
  19. Hello, Everybody! I just thought I'd make a poll out of curiosity to see how many people are on either Atypical Antipsychotics or Typical Antipsychotics and for what reason. I feel it'd be interesting just to get a feel for how many people are on them for indicated vs off-label treatments, and with the rise in prescriptions written for these drugs, thought it'd give a good perspective for anybody who may be curious. I personally am not on any AP's, but once was on Zyprexa for about a week. For me, it made me feel incredibly numbed and unhappy, so it was discontinued. I, however, do not have any diagnoses for which these medications are approved for, so I am not a good candidate for them anyways. Many others, however, have had great success with these medications, so I thought it'd be interesting to get a perspective on the topic from other members of the board. Many others are also prescribed these medications for issues such as insomnia, anxiety, etc, so I thought it'd be very interesting to try and see for what reason others on the forum have been prescribed these meds for. Thanks for sharing & take care!
  20. I have no idea what is going on in my head. I was diagnosed with depression 20+ years ago, but the past year have had what feels like hypomanic episodes, most recently I don't know if I've been having ultra-rapid cycling or mixed state bipolar. I'll have a few days of really really high energy, talking fast, making lots of plans, taking on new projects, spending, not sleeping, then low energy and irritation, the whole time though with thoughts of death and suicide almost all the time. I've been missing a lot of class and can't concentrate very well at school or work. Due to a screw up with my insurance I haven't had continual access to a pyschiatrist, and I am now off all meds. I don't have an official diagnosis at this point. Previously I was on Citalopram and Abilify but I really hated Abilify for the weight gain and anxiety, and Citalopram was doing nothing except maybe causing hypomania. I see a counselor twice a week but just started last month so there hasn't been a whole lot of time to work on stuff/ /sigh I don't even know what to do. I am pretty sure I am somewhere on the bipolar spectrum. The thought of trying lots of new meds terrifies me- I get anxiety and panic attacks about side effects. I was at peace with being depressed and being on an AD the rest of my life, but this whole bipolar thing throws a huge wrench in things and now I don't know how to deal with it.
  21. Hey guys, just wanted to say hello to all you OCD'ers out there and thought I'd start a thread for OCPD. As msot of you know, OCPD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which I was diagnosed with about 2 years ago. Essentially, it means that you don't have a compulsive trigger & response, (checking, counting, turning knobs certain ways, etc), but rather entails your entire life being something you want to manage and alter to a state of perfection in any way possible. I've attached an interesting description of OCPD that's from the OCD Foundation itself, which includes indications, possible triggers, and behavioral patterns found in people with the disorder. I personally had regular OCD when I was about 10 (obsessive hand-washing), but was able to get rid of that. I think that, while I was able to get over the hand-washing, the OCD just morphed into OCPD as time progressed, and just continued to get worse. Now, my medication cocktail keeps me pretty stable, but I'll occassionally have episodes that cause me to revert back into OCPD mode, and only realize I'm in that mindset after arguing with somebody over how something should be done, etc. It's kind of freaky, but I just thought I'd post the following in case any of you guys were interested. I used to fit this description all-too-perfectly, especially during my first two years of high-school, but after taking larger doses of SSRI's mixed with some longer half-life benzos, things are pretty much under control nowadays. Thanks for listening! Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) What is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)? OCPD is a type of “personality disorder” with these characteristics: Rigid adherence to rules and regulations An overwhelming need for order Unwillingness to yield or give responsibilities to others A sense of righteousness about the way things “should be done” ruled under OCPD demands can be very frustrating and upsetting, often leading to conflict. (Staff note: the balance of the article was deleted to protect CrazyBoards from being prosecuted for violating the copyright laws. Please click on the link below if you would like to read it in its entirety.) Author: Barbara Van Noppen, Ph.D., University of Southern California Copyright © 2010 International OCD Foundation (IOCDF), PO Box 961029, Boston, MA 02196, 617.973.5801 http://www.ocfoundation.org
  22. First, I want to thank you all for sharing your stories of pain. It has helped me realize much in the past several months. Secondly, I hope nobody minds me posting, but I am desperate for something, anything to change. I am not struggling with an illness. My 16 yr old son is and I was hoping to get some advice. Over this summer he smoked K2 and suffered a psychotic break and was admitted to acute care for 9 days after which it was like “a light came on” and he was sent home stabilized. In my mind, I thought it was over. It HAD to be the K2. Since then, over a span of 3 months he has been back in acute care for psychosis two more times and by the weekend, he will probably be admitted a fourth time. The part I am struggling with, other than watching my only son suffer, is that we still have no diagnosis. Can anyone tell me if you have experienced this? They keep telling me that they know so little about the drug and they just don’t know. He is not using, stays on his meds (right now that is Seroquel, Propranolol and Zoloft) but I can see when he starts “tilting”. Before his last admission we actually sat in what used to be his Psychiatrists office and was sent home with a “keep doing what you are doing”. Even I could see he was getting worse. 3 days later he was admitted. Two different Hospitals have suggested long term, but when he gets in and stable, they send him home teetering on the edge with nothing but 30 days of meds and sporadic counseling appointments. The worst of his symptoms are extreme exaggerated guilt, paranoia, disorganized thinking and depression. What is more disturbing is that every time he is hospitalized, his exaggerated guilt becomes, well, even more exaggerated. I have been on FMLA from my job since this started and am about to lose everything if we do not get some help…real help. I guess what I am asking and or looking for is this: Can anyone shed light on why there is no diagnosis? Also, any tips on finding a Dr. that actually cares would be most valuable. The Dr’s and hospitals have not offered ANY structural advice, no coping skills, no education for me or my son which I feel I desperately need (like are there things I should or shouldn’t say, would a change of scenery help at the onset of an episode, etc) We have nothing. My child’s life is being ripped apart and I can’t seem to find a shred of help. Please, any feedback, positive or negative…the more informed I can get the better. My heart and prayers go out to everyone here. I have been made to feel a couple of times that since Mental Illness can’t be seen, it is not really there, you know, like you should be able to control it. Either that or they just throw medicine at us to see if it helps. Absolutely, the meds will help…but where is our support and information? Isn’t that just as important??
  23. I recently found out that my diagnosis is now Bipolar I. This shocked me. I do not really think that I'm BP1, as I feel that my manic highs were med-induced, and I've stated this clearly to my doctor. Apparently, he feels differently. I also probably sound like I'm in denial right now, which I may be, but to be fair, I haven't had a manic episode in a year now. I feel that I would have had another manic episode in the past year if I was truly bipolar. But I digress... Does the BP 1 diagnosis really harm me at all even if I'm not bp 1? I'm being treated for my symptoms - I've got no more hallucinations while depressed, really, no more depression at all disregarding occasional mild depression concerning a physical illness of mine, which I feel is natural. Also, my anxiety is at an all-time low. (For the first time ever - this doctor is a miracle worker). so the meds are working great. So can I just leave the diagnosis be, or should I push him to change it? (Ok, "push" is not the right word, but my brain isn't working correctly today...)
  24. I've always felt my problems, while complicated and layered over the years, stem from a physical cause*. I've been and am undergoing psychiatric treatment. I finally had a CT scan of my brain yesterday but that came back all clear. I'm both happy and disappointed. I was anxious opening it and half expecting to see something horrible, even something I could notice. It was great to see and read that my brain's doing well But, I was disappointed the results didn't indicate what can be done to speed up my treatment or eventually solve my problems. Anyway, that's all a bit irrelevant, I'm wondering .. what are the chances something was missed? What can be missed on a CT scan (and perhaps later found on an MRI)? If there is anything else to possibly find, where should I go to read up on it? The findings: "The ventricles, sulci and fissures define normally. There is no evidence of space occupying lesion or abnormal enhancement. No evidence of previous infarction. The appearances are unremarkable." *My first and only hit of cannabis blew my ***ing mind :0 I've had significant issues with memory, concentration, general cognition, etc ever since with minimal improvement within the first few years afterwards.
  25. I've been slowly progressing through medication towards a happier, more productive life but since I last saw my Psychiatrist I'm thinking he's having trouble finding where I fit in. He's sending me off for new blood tests and a CT scan to check for other issues. Tests and scan aside, in preparation for my next appointment I'm trying to write up a raw list of what I can report in terms of symptoms and my status on the current meds. Here's what I've got at the moment (what I can answer yes, no, mild, etc to) .. Delusions Hallucinations OCD Paranoia Anxiety Thought disorder Mood both currently and over time Double vision Headaches Semantic satiation Er, forgetting words Pain Memory Concentration Energy Fatigue I'd like help putting together a more complete list. I imagine having a fairly comprehensive list like this, in his face in one go, together with the results of the tests and scan could really help set a direction. I know it's a bit hard to ask for any symptoms or aspects you can think of, as I'm going to only relate to a set bunch. I'd give you more focus but a bit like the doctor, I don't exactly know where my treatment's going or what's relevant.
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