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Everything posted by scatty

  1. I sympathize with you. I had to hear a jackhammer outside my former apartment for the whole summer once, as there are only two seasons in New England- winter and road work hehe. Do earplugs work? Maybe get a rocking sound system with your type of music? Maybe pack your days with out of the house activities? I hope this situation is temporary and you can find some peace! (I hate NOISE too!!)
  2. Thank you for posting this. My hubby grimaces a lot, and I used to think he was mad at me. He hates when he can't do something, and minimizes the pain he feels. I have cried for him, and with him. Empathy does go a long way.
  3. That was an excellent read! Thank you! Today it seems so many poeple are selfish or too independent to take another's needs into consideration. A relationship forum I frequent reads just like those key points of the failure of a marriage.
  4. The only therapy that helped me was solution based through workbooks. DBT (green book on Amazon is great!), CBT (online at MoodGym or Ecouch), behavioral threapy and ACT therapy. I find that therapists just echoed my thoughts and words, and I wanted solutions, not a parrot. This is different for everyone, though, and there are therapists that are good, I'm sure. Just sharing what has worked for me.
  5. I stopped reading when you said you were married. If you are doing or saying anything to this other guy that you would NOT want your hubby to hear, you are having an emotional affair. Confide in your hubby instead.
  6. If someone has to be convinced of something, what's the point? I honestly don't know if there is a god or not, but I try my best to let people have their own opinions on the matter.
  7. Hi and welcome to the place where brain cooties aren't just preferred- they are required. Hope you enjoyn your stay!
  8. I feel bad for you. I would never think to check my college aged kids' homework. I would take out loans and scholorships to live at school, as my daughter has. It might be worth it in your situation.
  9. Thanks Stickler- I know you. You are cool too! Turns out I had been manic for awhile, and when pdoc put me on geoden last month, I only got worse. Although I thought I was fine! Shit, I can destroy anything or anyone without even realizing it. Scary shit. Be well all!
  10. I hate this disorder! It takes your sanity, your mind, and sometimes your life.
  11. Too much snow. No where to put it. Sick of snow. Very cold, think I live near Melissa cuz windchills are horrible. Nearly 90 inches of snow this winter (so far!) Not looking forward to breaking the record. I love the snow, just not so much of it!
  12. Parenting (at least for me) goes through these stages- love- guilt- worry, repeat until you die because your kids are always your kids. I think some kids are more resilient than others. Some people go through hell and come out, some stay there. Support, empathy, and love are what everyone wants and needs, kids and adults. Your post was vague, but that is my experience so I thought I would share.
  13. Thank you both for replying. It turns out I was in a mixed episode. On abilify now and everything is so much better. The day before all this happened I walked 3 miles home from Dunkin' Donuts in the middle of the street, that should have maybe clued me in! We got married because of health and financial reasons mostly. The sad thing is my mother talked to DH, don't know what he said (he says nothing bad, just that he didn't know how to handle me.) The next day she left six hand written pages of bible verses (not even related to marriage) on our kitchen table. She has BP, but denies it and is a born again Christian. I assume she thinks we are doomed and has told everyone in the family, just because that's what she does. This is what I deal with when I confide in her, but I guess I was outta my mind and am reaping what i sowed. This disorder is just horrible for everyone. I kinda wish I never met DH or had kids, as they are drawn into this hell. Then I feel so guilty for thinking like that- what mother would have such thoughts? It gets better, but then it always gets worse. I sometimes wish I had cancer instead, because then at least you either die or get better. (No offense to those dealing with cancer, just my personal thoughts at this time.) Mental illness is the only disease that denies itself, even in death. No proof you had it, no sure treatment, high suicide rate. I'm just so tired.
  14. Please don't move this to the relationship forum with the cobwebs. Please anyone, help me. In October I got married, after being with the same guy for 24 years. I am happy to be married, but I am manic right now. He used to know what to say, what to do, how to be compassionate. Now granted he is in constant pain awaiting surgery, he triggers me- but I love him so much. He is mean, and says I am mean. I can't trust my mind. We have both talked divorce, when we have never broken up for the 24 yrs prior. Never said "I am gonna leave you" never uttered a threat to hurt one another. He says I feel I have a pass because of my MI. But we go through this once or twice a year (my episodes) for 24 years, now he thinks I am manipulating him, faking it, or something. I take my meds, go to my pdoc, do self help workbooks, but he KNEW this is a degenerative disease that only gets worse. I made that cleasr many times. I am afraid he doesn't love me and resents me for my MI, not being able to work (recently took his FIRST ever stab at this saying that if maybe I had a job I could afford homemade chocolates for our sons.) Am I insane and overreacting? Could he be feeling he might die during his surgery (He's said this to me) and is pushing me away? Or am I really a wacko cunt, and if so, WHY would he marry me? I am lonely for the first time in 25 years, and now that I told my mom he swore at me and he talked to her, I feel everyone is against me.
  15. My adult son came home from college this morning at 2 am and stated that his grades were crap and he wanted to drop out of school. He wants to be a correctional officer ( he thinks this is easy-peasy to achieve and a low stress job.) I want to be supportive, and tried to give him advice, but he just cried and then had a panic attack. I tried to wake my SO to help me, but he was half asleep, so DS now assumes his dad hates him. DS told me he hated to run track for 6 years and only did it to get a full scholorship (which he didn't because he didn't apply to many scholls and his HS grades weren't the best.) He is going to a decent college, but who knows how long they will give him financial aid. He applied for commonweath care or massheath and got a # to use at the DRs until his claim is processed. I hope his DR accepts this, but he is off on Mondays and I want him to see a therapist, at the very least. He scared me half ro death, considering I am under a lot of stress right now, but I tried to be his rock. Not easy! He is now with his friends, probably smoking something and playing basketball. Last night he was straight. I was almost hoping he was shit faced drunk, at least that would explain it. He wasn'r home when we got here today and I had my SO check the closets (a teen hung herself in her closet in this complex a few years ago. She had BP. Should we call tomorrow (even though I think his GP is off that day) and keep him home and beg to see a therapist ASAP? Their hospitals don't offer IP, but they can refer. We have a crisis center, but I don't know if they will take some sheet of paper with a # on it for insurance and DS thinks he needs an anti-anxiety med and I don't know if there is a DR there. PLEASE HELP ME! I am crying and thinking half my relatives committed suicide.
  16. Thank you, I will check out those sites. I think The Knot intimidated and/or overwhelmed me last week. I can always try again when I feel more sane! Does anyone know if my daughter and two sons can stand with us at the alter? SO will call the pastor soon and ask I guess. I read on a site that the flowers you choose for the reception should match your dress. What color dress would be o.k. for a church wedding, considering we're not fooling anyone here about the whole chastity issue? I haven't worn a dress in 18 years. I still have to check out the banquet room and see if we can arrage dancing, how big/what shape the tables are, and so on. Oh, my SO invited his two aunts because those are his only relatives that are decent and he is afraid that the bride's family sits on one side of the church, and the groom's on the other. He is worried he will break down. Maybe we can mix it up? Does SO have to be in a tux, or is a button down shirt and tie ok? Jacket or no? We will have to look in thrift stores or rent one. I did find a lot of items at discount stores. I just hope they are there when we have money in a few weeks. I asked SO if early or late June was better, and he was shocked I wanted it so early. I said YOU are the one who told my mother MONTHS ago, and she wants you to propose with HER ring. I'm surprised she isn't knocking on the door with a rep from David's Bridal in tow. This is tiring, thanks for reading and advice and if you can answer my questions, do so if you like, if not, that's o.k. You have all helpedmore than enough!
  17. Thank you all! Very helpful suggestions. You all may want to read all the personal replies, because some explain what others said, if that makes sense. I am lucky that my mom is paying the pastor and they have a banquet room downstairs she is paying for. I don't know if she realizes it cost $100 to file the wedding certificate. I finally decided on a silver/gold color theme with the help of my daughter. I am going to have vases of fresh roses or mini rosebushes on every table. I can get them really cheap. I will not be wearing a white dress and there is a chance that me and SO will explode into flames upon entering a house of worship. SO wanted a zombie wedding. I wish i was kidding. WATER- I wish i could do both, but SO's SSDI is what we have to work with. Good idea though! OWLDELLO- Good idea on making the honeymoon a few months away. Maybe in the colder months the hotel would be cheaper, Thanks for the idea! Crazyfroglady- You must have read my mind! We are probably gonna do the homemade platters, fruit cups in cute plastic goblets, veggies we cut up, and just buy a breakfast platter- just because I don't want to search around for the best prices on all the food it includes. DB- your wedding sounds great. I don't think there is a dance floor there, but my kids can figure out the music thing for us. I have only been to three weddings- one cost $75,000, one $50,00 and a potluck/karoke wedding, which even I thought was tacky. I think we are getting our cake at a grocery store. They have a silver bell design that would fit, Titiana- Thanks! We are inviting 20-25 people, but some live out-of-state and might not come. I do agree with having my mom be a part of the planning, but her taste is atrocious. I have a feeling I will be trying on Walmart dresses and crying about how fat I am. Ctclms- Your wedding sounded like a lot of fun! I will not have bridesmades, bouquet toss, or garter thing either. I did jokingly tell my daughter she can be my bridesmaid and she took me seriously. Does that mean she stands at the alter with us? I don't want her to have to buy a special dress. What to do, what to do?! lysergia- Thank you for your reply. I do hope I can get this right. Odetta- So you picked up on the fact that I mentioned those damn syrup bottles twice? Haha. I do really like brunch, just because New England maple syrup is SO tasty! Damn that website and their pretty favors! Any and all other replies are helpful. Oh, and do weddings have balloons and sttreamers? Is that tacky?
  18. Sorry I haven't posted here recently. Things have been CRAZY! My SO is about to officially propose to me at any moment. I am very conflicted about what i want to do (besides say yes, hell we've been together for 24 years so may as well make it official!) I don't really talk to my mom, but my SO is a poor go-between. It seemd like she wanted to pay for the whole wedding/reception (about 25 people.) Now, after hundreds of internet searches, and many tears, I decided on brunch reception. I figured it's cheap, fairly simple and I found these adorable real maple syrup favors that tie into the theme and it actually made me hopeful that I would have a REAL wedding/reception. Before I figured out I will need some supplies that aren't that expensive, but will cost around 500. My mom wanted to take me dress shopping, but I would rather go with my daughter. Well, SO told my mom I was crying for 12 hours straight about the stress (and $) and she now thinks we should do the church wedding, then go out to a chinese restaurant. Which we have done for every birthday and holiday for the past 30 year, so it won't be special to me. Then SO says fuck it, just let's go to city hall. I say yes and no. My mother wants to see me get married before she dies, my dad doesn't know about any wedding yet, but he has aggressive cancer and I think he may want to walk me down the aisle, as I am his only daughter. Plus I DO want to have a reception that is original and our own, not look back on it and remember the smell of city hall (PUKE!) I am finding buys at job lots and platters at grocery stores for food/decorations. The only thing that I really want (those small bottle of vermont PURE maple syrup with tie on tags indicating our names and wedding date for favors) would cost a little less than $100. If you knew me, you would know I would NEVER spend that kind of cash on anything, but I WANT THEM. I feel they will tie into the brunch theme and our guests will USE them, unlike the other useless favors they sell. So we can swing the reception if we save for 2 months, but will have NO HONEYMOON. Or we could go to city hall and get a local hotel w/in room whirlpool for 2 nights and eat at KFC or McDonalds. Yet another option is a Bed & Breakfast I found that has a $700 elopement special which includes a J.P., small wedding cake, champagne, basic pics, and a room for two nights with two full gourmet breakfasts. But my parents won't be there. (Pro and con I guess.) I would like my kids there, and they can't be! I keep deciding on one, and then making excuses why another choice is better. PLEASE HELP!
  19. Has anyone had any success with a portable and affordable lightbox from Amazon, or anywhere less than $70? I Read the reviews and they seem mostly positive, but I trust you guys better.
  20. What do you do when you have no values? I suppose I want my SO and kids to do well, but do0 not care for family, friends, hobbies, jobs, volunteering or anything else. I have no interests really. I just want to bide my time until I die. Shoulod I give up ACT until I care? Should I fake what I MIGHT want to do someday and work towards it? And thank you for your concern Wooster, but when I delete a thread or edit it I will say whatever the fuck I want to express my opinion. If free speech isn't allowed here, where the fuck is it allowed? But how do I procede with ACT? Should even try? I am lost, confused, and living in hell because ACT was so beneficial to me for a long time and now it seems hopeless.
  21. I don't know that MI affects any of my strengths. They are honesty and loyalty. Anything else just comes and goes. Empathy- I may cry for a person one day and blame them for their troubles the next (to be fair my friends have gotten themselves into fucked up situations despite many red flags and warnings.) Kids love and respect me. I Have to admit I would not tolerate BS from my kids, and never had to hit any of them. Animals love me, but all the pets I've loved have literally come to me- as in- jumped in my or SOs arms (which is quite rare for a kitten.) I have many more weaknesses, but if I am honest about them, people are more understanding and accepting. Like if I said I was "good with people"and then told them to fuck off, that is totoally on me.
  22. There are srong minded people on CB. I left in haste for 7 months because of some fucked up shit. Then I came back because no one else understood.
  23. Oh my. Death would be better than going to Walmart in most cases. They talk of job training and I can't even get through the application. I am sometimes afraid to go to the laundry room, take out the trash. I hide when someone knocks on the door, except when I know it is verizon, in which case I scream explicatives until they go away. I wish you well, it comes and goes for me.
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