I'm new and very confused and all over the place so please bare with me im basically here to try to get some sense from the people who will know best, ill try to condense this down so it doesnt go on forever
I've always had problems my parents were big alcoholics who yes would look functioning but they were bastards, my dads moods were all over the place and mental illness is definilely in the family.
Ive always been all over the place with my moods,miserable, angry hyper seriously miserable, a bit (a lot) of ocd thrown in there and a whole load of anxiety, social anxiety, you get the picture.
I used to drink a lot everyweekend, i was referd to our 'local medication hand out point' (ok mental health team but same thing right?) and i was on a different cocktail of drugs (mood stabelisers, anti psychotics you name it, i remember one or two made me feel ok but i was all over the place with taking them and forgetting them and drinking alcohol that i dont know what worked and what didnt). Bipolar and the other one that sounds like cloth ...cyclomania? were throw in there but they wouldnt diagnose me as "they dont like to label people" gahh helpful, i ate i drank i danced i drew lots of pictures, anyway years went by and my risky behaviour didnt take my life which was good.
I got married and had a baby, i thought i was ok but worked a lot and did so many things at once, its a stresful job and i can see i would have used a lot of the hyperness up in that, i know my mood could go very low sometimes.
I got postntal depresion and went for cnt for anxiety, i honestly couldnt say whether i was depressed or not but my therapist said i am and i think i know that now even though i thought i was better for a while, things went well and the cbt worked for the anxiety but then i crashed.
I could hardly move and was suicical and so severly depresssed my therapist got my doctor to prescribe 50mgs of Zoloft (sertraline) i took one pill and lost it, i was agitated, hyper, quite happy but uncomfortable, couldnt sleep, racing thoghts and speech, didnt feel much in the way of physical pain, couldnt concentrate, felt annoyed at my husband as he was "too boring and calm and miserable"compared to me anyway, i was super anxious but i didnt care and i wanted to fly, actually fly i felt like i probably could and had the strength of ten thousand bulls or whatever strong animal.
I've felt like this before without pills; just plain little old me.
My doctor told me to stop takin them and to come in, so i did and she asked if i was actually bipolar, i said i had never got a diag and she told me to take 25mg, nothing else was said (useless people anyway), so i started to take 25mg and felt ok, 4 days later my mood began to elevate and then last night i couldnt sleep and woke super early buzzing,.
I've been buzzin all day but this time i feel agitated and frustrated and annoyed, i feel sort of down but happy at the same time and like i was to scream and rip something apart and run around outside, it feels amazing but horrible, when i have to stop moving its not good.
My therapist asked me loads of questions about my mood and told my husband to chuck out the excess pills in the house as i said i wanted to take them just for the risk and the same going for self harm, she said shes going to ring me in the week and check im ok and that im to ring the docs again and ask if its ok to still take the meds and go along with her plan which is to wait until next week and if im still "hypomanic" she wants to refer me to the community mental health team ( thats crap cause she helps me with the cbt but they just chuck meds at you, im breastfeeding too so i can only take certain things which is why im on the sertraline.
Anyway I' really questioning if I'm bipolar or something similar, Im dreading the diagnosis and really really dont want this as its a life time thing and dealin with it seems so complicated but i hate being inbetween worlds at the moment, I'd prefer a diagnosis just so i can be treated with meds and be normalish; i just want things to be normal and calm but at the same time dont want to lose this great mood, i wonder if id stop taking the zoloft if i thought my mood would change to low again, although i dont like this agitation and mixed mood that is starting to come about.
Anyway I read about the zoloft bipolar test and really wondered what that's all about?
I'm not sure if this site is American but over here in the UK it seems to be called Sertraline and I know the health system is different, who knows anyway thank you for reading I really hope I can get some advise or just encouragement really, its nice to be able to vent so thank you for the opportunity to do that and i do apologize for the long and dodgy post; I'm finding it hard to concentrate.