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About wemble

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    puppetry, art, sculpture, the muppets, sesame street - yes, i know, i'm a dork - and while we're at it you can add star wars and superheros and villans to the list.
  1. this is kind of a late reply, so sorry for that. go to a teacher's supply store (google your closest one) and look for introductory phonics. they should have a section of posters, books, even cds if you want coordinated to that. that option it nice bc everything's right there for you to see. you might be able to check out the other resources there too which might be useful later on. alternatively, look it up online. pinterest is great. the education section or search for "abc phonics" "alphabet phonics" etc should give you ideas to make your own. then you can take it to get laminated. (hint: packaging tape or sheet protectors make great "lamination" in a pinch and you can write on all that stuff with dry erase markers - kids really get a kick out of it). you can use google too. if you search something like "abc phonics poster" or "abc phonics song" you should get something set to the tune of some other song you know but your results will be a little more scattered. pinterest tends to have everything more all in one place in my experience. you can also try some homeschooling sites, though i'm not as familiar with those. they may make you pay for it, though i don't think it'd be too much.
  2. yup, the lithium. abilify made me shake like crazy too and when i was taking the two together - omg. but i get the same stuff as you, ranging from slight hand tremors that increase depending on what i'm doing (too much coffee, no food, concentrating on fine motor tasks to full body shakes when i'm nervous or cold).
  3. i totally hear you. i'm not a big spender on either end of the spectrum and never really thought of that part of the diagnosis until i got stable and i realized i don't buy ANYTHING until i'm up, then i buy everything i need all at once. granted it is stuff i need, but i'd rather buy a pair of business slacks when i see them on sale as the old pair runs out than buy a new business wardrobe at one time because i haven't been regularly updating anything. as for clothes, i used to do the same thing. pjs and jeans (if i had to look nicer) when depressed and something a little artsy and over the top when manic. now, i have to wear business casual to work but just didn't have that, so had to buy a limited wardrobe to get by. it looks ok but it's frustrating and i'm still cheap so i won't by more yet. casual - i'm at the point where i want to look "pretty" when i go out and i have a few things, but not much. my drawers are still full of the old stuff that i don't want to get rid of because i don't have enough of the new stuff, etc. so yeah, you're not alone.
  4. since getting my meds right it hasn't happened, but i used to smell cigarrette smoke and burned meat (especially unpleasent as i'm a vegetarian) all the time.
  5. i have problems with word recall - i had it worse after starting each of my meds, then it faded a bit. it's not really noticable to others, just to me and my one coworker. we work long hours, so by the time i get to the end of my shift and i'm tired and hungry and medicated - sometimes made up words are actually coming out of my mouth. a little embarrassing being that i'm the assistant director of education there, i feel like i should know better. i just blame it on the hours snd she believes me - oh well. my math is also terrible now bc i can't retain the numbers in my head long enough to add them or i'll add the same number twice. that's also a bit embarrassing bc i really am capable of adding 3+2+2+3.5+1 but i'll have to do it three times to get the right number - sometimes even with a calculator. i feel like that's a spacial thing though, like all of a sudden i've lost my ability to line things up and associate them in space (does that make any sense?). my undergrad degree was in sculpture so this was my thing and now i feel i'm struggling to grade papers at work bc i can't track the columns in the answer keys and line them up to the kids' work. not to hijack - but am i the only one here? this is definitely a topomax thing - i couldn't even read at first when i first started taking it bc i couldn't track the lines, but it let up a bit. now i just feel like my eyesight is terrible all the time (it's not - had it checked).
  6. i second everything said here. my first few docs just prescribed me go knows what until i ended up in the hospital. luckily the two docs i had while in there, even though they were younger (at least one was), were more "old school" in their medication treatments and went right to the lithium. my last doc there was also able to find me a pdoc outside the hospital who had been a resident under her so he has the same mentality - which is actually really great for me bc i can't tolerate anything but mood stabilizers. lithium is an absolutely amazing drug. of course, everyone tolerates things differently, but it's something that has such a long history of working so well, it shouldn't be discounted. for me, i'm on three mood stabilizers (lithium, depakote, and topamax), but the lithium does the bulk of the work and i felt it very quickly after they first prescribed it. the depakote works on the breakthrough mixed episodes i was having and the topamax smoothed out any residual anxiety and quelled the weight gain. i find as soon as my levels drop on any of them (esp the lithium or the depakote) the anxiety, depression, mania, etc. all start poking through but i also start seeing things out of the corner of my eyes again, thinking i'm hearing things, etc. (i've heard debate whether or not a mood stabilizer alone can work for symptoms like that - it does for me - VERY well). anyway, just wanted to second you getting on a good mood stabilizer. of course i'm partial to lithium, but find what works for you and let us know how you're doing. good luck!
  7. i'm a teacher - or was - and i pretty much don't like it, just ended up here. i'm an assistant director at a tutoring facility now so i spend half of my time tutoring the kids and the other half running the place (which means i REALLY don't like it) and the hours are terrible, but it pays the bills. i like interacting with the kids and i know and other people tell me i'm really good at it, but i don't enjoy it. i was actually going back to do my pre-med classes right before my husband left me but i had to drop them because it got to be too much to do with the divorce. one day (soon?) i'd like to finish those up (pre-med or nursing - i'm debating between psychiatry and midwifery) - maybe when my daughter starts school. until then i'm just hoping to get a classroom job so i can get a normal schedule again. right now i only see my daughter in the morning and she's asleep when i get home. that's worse than working a crappy job all day.
  8. update: i got a lawyer who said (in addition to other things, obviously) they'll be asking for living expenses and attorney fees for me and hopefully we'll get something. he thinks i have a really good case because of obvious reasons and explained that what my ex is doing is actually illegal (keeping my daughter from me). my parents said they'll "mortgage the house" if they have to so that i can pay fees and have access to my daughter. i'm feeling more confident now that things will work out and figure i'd rather live with credit card debt for the first time in my life to be with her than not. hopefully a job will come through soon. thanks for the support guys.
  9. because he doesn't want to deal with my bipolar anymore. i'm completely stable. have been for a long time. haven't been hospitalized in well over a year and even then it was only that one time. i think he was just looking for an out. things were ok between us until i got that diagnosis (which i was so happy about because i got treatment - yay!) and then it was like he was immune to everything. everything suddenly became MY fault and a symptom. the worst part? he took my daughter from me. he said he wanted her in a more "stable environment," so he went to his mom's - the woman who, the last time he stayed there with her (while i was in the hospital) called him an abusive asshole and tried to hit him and chased him out of the house, screaming at the top of her lungs. she's insane. he filed a restraining order against me - i can't drive with her, can't go to her school. can only have limited supervised visits - all based on these ridiculous claims. i started on topomax about 2 months ago and had trouble with word recall, in the legal papers he's calling it psychosis. aside from it being wrong, for 2 months it wasn't an issue but now it's grounds for divorce. it makes me so angry. and then there's the neglect. my daughter has a slight speech delay that is almost gone at the age of 3. it somehow got into his head that i neglected and abused her because i'm bipolar and that's why she has this delay. this from the man who has never missed a minute of sleep during his daughter's young life because i was the one up with her every hour changing diapers and doing feedings. i'm dumfounded. at least our couple's counselor seemed a little dumfounded too. now i haven't slept all night. things have been going so well. i thought we were going so well. literally 5 weeks ago we were going to stop couple's counseling because we thought we were doing great and now this. he hasn't mentioned anything - smiling, sweet to me - then the nastiest thing ever. i told a friend i feel like he's set this up to be just a nasty divorce and as hard on our daughter as possible. he could have sat down with me in that session and said he wanted a divorce and after the initial shock, i probably would have agreed. he's not nice to me, i'm not happy. we could have worked out a division of things - i don't care about stuff. and we could have figured out how to handle things with our daughter until we finalize it with lawyers. but instead he sits down, says he's done because of my bipolar, that i'm unsafe for our daughter (with nothing to back it up, not even when asked), that he's done talking, and he leaves the room. then there's a stranger there serving me with papers. not only has he made this as degrading as possible, he's backed me into a corner, my daughter can't see me, and severely damaged any relationship we could have had with each other for the sake of our daughter. i have no job, no money (he had the gall the take this month's bill money to pay for his divorce attorney and then blame me for it not being there - that i had miscounted. i actually believed him. i think he has our take returns too), i can't afford this apartment by myself even if i did have a job, and i can't afford the rest of the payments for my classes because i have no job. i don't know where to go to get a lawyer and can't afford one. this is his city - i moved here for him. i know him, his family, and his friends (who i am luckily very close with and very supportive through all this). but i can't leave. my daughter's here - otherwise i'd go back home to new york, but i'm here. if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. just need some support.
  10. Interesting article: http://www.dnaindia.com/scitech/report_manic-gene-in-people-suffering-from-bipolar-disorder-deciphered_1735527
  11. i had a professor in college who was so quick witted - always has something to say, intelligent, etc. to the point where we were all in awe of her and asked her how did you get like this? her answer was that she practiced. which i always thought was a bit weird because how do you practice that? but it stuck with me and you know what, it does work. like everyone else is saying, practice doing the things you used to do and that interest you now - spend time with your kids, socialize, read, listen to music, etc. you'll be amazed at how it starts to get easier.
  12. i can definitely say i started cycling in my sophomore year of high school, but i had depressive (and possible hypomanic?) episodes before that, i just didn't know what i was looking for. i remember in elementary school being the odd on out, not to say i was diagnosable with anything at the time, but i definitely felt off. bipolar was first mentioned to me at 18 by my college's psychologist, but i wasn't officially diagnosed until i was 22 - even then i didn't believe it (long story, but i was in an area with really bad healthcare and involved with an even worse psychiatry practice who basically stopped returning my phone calls). i was re-diagnosed at 26 or 27 (can't remember). i have bipolar I.
  13. seroquel is approved for bipolar depression, i believe. it helped me a lot (around the 300-450mg range) until i had to go off it due to side effects.
  14. update: i'm manageable. i still just want to fall apart inside.
  15. i'm at home with my husband. i'm not going to do anything. right now i'm just staying up too late. i'm not going to take the trazodone. i don't think it'd work well with what i have to do tomorrow. i just feel so done sometimes. add that to an insistant urge to hurt myself inside my head and it's not a good idea. i'm just not equipt to handle the fallout after doing something like that which is strangely the thing the that's keeping me from doing anything. people just don't get it. i wish they did. i wish i didn't have to listen to their decisions and wants and needs when i have all this stuff just running constantly in my head and they don't give it a second thought... thanks. sorry for the rambling. i guess i should go to bed now.
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