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About yellowlovesgray

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  1. Thought I'd update here, having a chain for my own records about this is very helpful. So, this was posted in June 2018, and I went about a full year without the Adderal, and I literally could not work. I felt great emotionally and picked up some hobbies, but I couldn't bring myself to work normally to support myself. I decided it was time to get my life back together, so about a year later exactly I started taking a stimulant again, and Boom. Got my life back pretty quickly. Was able to work again immediately, saved up enough to move back to my old city. However, the chronic fatigue
  2. I wondered this too before having to withdraw off benzos and go cold turkey off Adderall last year, and I've *NEVER* in my life I think felt this optimistic, happy, stable, relaxed -- and it's a super issue still lol. I've never been this undepressed ever, as far as I can look back. And my level of IDGAF is so liberating right now, I have a lifelong history of self conciousness about everythign about myself, and I'm not even physically at my best right now and I'm really proud of a whole bunch of things about me. My work is great when I can do it and I have a really strong demand for it, I hav
  3. This!! Also, like I'm not really sure how to describe this to them because I thought they'd understand but apparently not... But, like this is completely different from the kind of anxiety I used to have several years ago and while I was on benzos -- I was in a constant state of panic about absolutely everything with no real triggers. I feel like this is different because there's actually something to worry about, and I'm worried about, but it's not driving me batty like the old anxiety did. I'm just, like, frustrated of having to live with my parents and not being sure if I'm going to be a
  4. I'm pretty sure that's where they're going with this, the therapist really fixated on it even AFTER I told her that I've been speaking to a therapist on Teledoc since it's free with my insurance since January. My therapist on Teledoc literally doesn't have anyhthing more useful to tell me about ADD so we just talk about how frustrated and jaded I am about this not being fixed in our system and how upset I am about it and how to deal with it. I have ZERO other stressors in my life besides this -- I'm in REALLY good demand professionally I just can't take the work. And I work in a very cool i
  5. I went today, and we had an hour long talk and a one-sheet long list of questions with yes or no answers, and then when the therapist asked me if I had any questions, I inquried about what was next and she said that they'd contact my insurance to get some guidance about what they'd pay for, and then they'd let me know if I needed extended testing in a week or so. ...why do I just know that their diagnosis is going to be based on what my insurance will pay for? Also, I mentioend that I really need to return to work and they asked me if I had anxiety about it, and I said that I speak to a
  6. Ugh I'm worried about not being able to get the diagnosis now because I was diagnosed as an adult and not as a child, I've had a psychiatrist here say that that means I don't really have it but I grew up in a poor neighborhood in the 80s and literally nobody was diagnosed. I've had a long battle and I had to take last year off completely because I moved and couldn't get my meds refilled so I had to go cold turkey off Adderall and Clonazapam. Now that I'm out of withdrawal and my thyroid condition is being treated better, I have almost no issues with depression anymore (been good for abou
  7. In Texas now, I don't think it's law but it's happening everywhere that doctors are trying to CYA so now even if you've had a diagnosis and you move, you HAVE to have an assessment done by a psychologist first and then they refer you to a psychiatrist now who may or may not prescribe for you. Also, the assesment is about $500 out of pocket that my insurance that I pay a $300+ premium on monthly doesn't pay and it doesn't go toward my deductible. For the chance to maybe get a prescription but probably not -- here they try really hard now to just give you Wellbutrin or Straterra. It's a night
  8. What goes on during one of these? I took meds for ADD for 6 years and was able to function, then I moved to a city with different prescribing laws and couldn't get meds and I was completely non functional and not working for a year. My case is pretty extreme, and I'm going to be eligible in my area to be treated again but I have to do a very expensive assessment first. What goes on during an assessment? I'm very worried about wasting $500 and them just telling me it doesn't sound like ADD and then not being able to work for even longer. I...acquired some low dose Concerta and I've felt like m
  9. I think it’s annedhonia exactly. I started Wellbutrin again and it did help, I think I need to go up in dosage though because I’m constantly drowsy still and I’m on a pretty high dose already. still not terribly motivated and I’m super apathetic. Like I know consequences to my apathy exist but I don’t seem to care. I did start exercising again, I bought a bike and I’ve been consistent and feel physically better and a little happier, I just can’t motivate myself to work, get ready in the morning, etc. Outside of my daily bike ride I just watch tv in bed on my phone all day.
  10. Straterra didn’t work for my ADD and it also makes me nauseous and it makes me violently puke. ? I don’t know what’s wrong. I feel like ADD is an issue but I also feel like I have massive anhedonia. I’m seeing a therapist tomorrow because my psychiatrist wants me to see one because of our prescribing laws here, but I don’t know what she’s gonna tell me that’s useful. Bleah.
  11. True, I keep trying to force myself to work but when I sit down I just cannot focus. Like to the point where I don’t know how to do what I do almost. And I’m actually really skilled at it, but I open software I’m certified with and have used for my entire adult life and nothing makes sense. Like it’s almost painful to try to untangle and sort out. I do think a huge part of it is my ADD but the non drum meds just do not work for me and make me nauseous and it’s become really hard to get stimulants here. Argh.
  12. I’m so grateful and in love with that part. I just can’t work and I need to get back to it. ? I’m self employed and having trouble just getting started again.
  13. It was never a thing for decades living in Dallas, when I moved to San Antonio the laws here had just been changed. Just saying to be careful about this, there’s a lot of changes starting up in many states that are completely new because of the “opioid crisis.” If it hasn’t happened in your state yet that’s great. I never had a problem filling them either until I suddenly did. The process is even different here now. You HAVE to see a therapist to determine you have ADD or anxiety, then you have to submit proof to a psychiatrist and make an appt and you MIGHT be able to get a be
  14. I can’t decide if I’m being lazy or if I’m still depressed. I took Adderal, Clonazapam and different ssri’s the last decade and was forced to withdraw last year. for the first time in the last 10 years I feel a lack of despair, hopelessness and sadness. It’s consistent too. And I don’t “worry” about things. but that’s what concerns me. I can’t be bothered to work (I’m self employed), do even really basic things or do anything physical for “fun.” I just lay around and sleep all day and watch Hulu. I bought a bike and was so excited sorta about it coming but I can’t br
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