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  1. I was never sure which was more impressive from interacting with JT: his intelligence, or his insight into the human condition. The latter, I think, was especially striking. JT knew suffering acutely, but that lent him a degree of empathy that is rarely encountered. JT was both caring and patient, and seemed to have a gentle way with others, knowing instinctively how to offer encouragement and support while challenging growth. He was stoic in the face of considerable suffering and reacted bravely to the challenges of his life. I am saddened to hear that his gifts will no longer be shared with others, but know that his legacy of being a compassionate and intelligent soul will remain well into the future. There aren’t enough like JT.
  2. This is tricky... I had a similar situation occur when I was on Latuda... my insurance suddenly stopped covering Latuda and my doctor had suggested that I could use samples and take them PRN/as needed, which I've done a few times since then, mainly becuse I'd not had a lot of symptoms in the preceding five years. I've e-mailed my pdoc to let her know whenever i was having more symptoms, scheduled a sooner appointment, and taken prn meds each time.... Having said this I want to emphasize that this was with a doctor's blessing/encouragement... I have yanked myself off meds on my own at a time when I was unstable and definitely regretted it after ending up hospitalized again. As well, some meds have pretty bad side effects if they're not tapered off of. I think it would definitely be a good idea to contact your doctor about what you're doing and take their advice. I would also say that taking PRN meds also requires a lot of insight about the triggers or warning signs of your symptoms and a lot of other coping skills, often... and that some illnesses have a lack of insight as a distinguishing character of the illness itself, which can make taking prn meds pretty hard! I will definitely be quick to start taking my Latuda or Risperdal again if I need to... much preferable than having a psychosis and being back in the hospital! Meditation/mindfulness is a great coping skill and the more of those you put into practice, the less pressure is left for the meds to do all the work... I know also working consistently with a counselor has helped me a lot in the process of recovery.
  3. Somebody recently was vehemently trying to argue to me that a delusion of someone following him was real. He said, "have you ever heard the phrase, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean it isn't real?" My response, though, was that it doesn't mean it is real, either. I guess that's a problem, though... there are "bizarre delusions" which are impossible or very unlikely... and then there are non-bizarre ones which might even be true. One thing I also ask myself is motivation... what would this person's motivation be, for instance, to go to elaborate means just to fuck with me? Like, I'm an asshole sometimes but I haven't gunned down a village of orphans or something, either, nor am I a villain in the Count of Monte Cristo... I haven't done anything to cause someone to want to go to such elaborate means to mess with me. I generally kind of put a lot of my psychotic delusions "in a box" of things that aren't really useful to me. I do occasionally sort through the box... generally I arrive at the idea that the delusion may have been a sort of indication of a fear or anxiety that I have, even if the idea itself is not literally true. For instance one common delusion I can have is that I'm experiencing the apocalypse... but the delusion is indicative of larger anxieties I have about how we treat the environment and how that may impact things in the future, instead of some mystical experience or something like that.
  4. People dream up pretty elaborate systems to defend their delusions. YTS, your argument is a fantastic example of how seductive psychotic delusions seem. I think current understanding of how mental illnesses work may be incomplete, but I'm pretty sure there is not a whole lot of (any) concrete, non-speculative evidence that entities in another dimension are selectively inserting thoughts/ideas/images into psychotic people's minds (also, why? just to fuck with them? those assholes!) Although that might make a good plot for a science fiction movie. Do you think Will Smith or Tom Cruise would be cast in the lead? YTS, I don't know if your intent was to be validating to cheesecake with the idea that these disturbing ideas/voices cheesecake is having aren't his fault or something to feel guilty about... that's true, though. I'm inclined to think it is because they're the manifestation of mental illness, myself, instead of as the result of asshole aliens in another dimension. By the way, that's the focus of this site... peer support from those experiencing mental illness to one another. If you don't identify your thoughts as a mental illness or if you want to write about speculation on ideas related to science/science fiction, etc. then maybe another site would be good for you. Or you might enjoy watching The History Channel at 3 AM. Cheesecake, we have thoughts and that doesn't mean that they're true or that we should act on them... What are you doing to help the voices quiet down?
  5. I went to the grocery tonight. It was deserted. Amazing. Also, yeah, chips and salsa have been on sale which is also a plus. Nachos... mmm.
  6. The idea that depression may be related to dopamine instead of/in addition to serotonin has merits... in fact that is the science behind how the pharmaceutical drug buproprion/wellbutrin works! Perhaps if you're interested in something that targets dopamine you might ask your pdoc about buproprion... a benefit would be that the doses can be regulated and measured. I don't know how it would work with your bipolar/psychosis symptoms... again it is a discussion to have with your doctor. Being that this is your first and only post it is difficult to tell whether or not this is some kind of spam designed to sell the herb you are mentioning...
  7. Nearly all of my delusions have remained gone for the last 4-5 years or so... I rarely have any paranoia other than "is so and so talking badly about me, does so and so not like me?"
  8. That would be rough, being mandated to take meds. I understand how that could feel like some form of mind control. I think that there are a fair few people whose psychoses were positive. However my impression is, anyway, that they are outweighed by the number of people who experience destructive, negative bullying voices/hallucinations/whatever. For some people their experiences were both positive and negative. I have a friend who had a lot of positive experiences with psychosis... angels, pleasant visualizations, etc... However because of his symptoms he went from teaching robitics at a university to being homeless on the streets of Detroit, divorced, estranged from his son. Generally it seems that psychosis, untreated, can often get to a point where it paralyzes us from being able to function enough for basic self care. I agree that there is perhaps a spiritual component to psychosis. It is a change in one's state of consciousness and consciousness is intrinsically linked to spirituality. There are things about it that seem difficult to explain away. But that does not change the way it can derail a person's life if it is untreated. For better or worse we are for the moment tethered to physical bodies in time and space, which requires us to be able to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and financially (as well as spiritually.) All I can talk from is my personal experience, which was that my psychosis was a very negative, traumatizing experience, my meds helped me recover to a point where I could get my life back on track, and now I've tapered off of some of them (with the guidance of a pdoc) that had more side effects but am still at a stable place. I saw recently that it has been proven that for schizophrenia a lower dose of meds combined with talk therapy is more effective than just a higher dose of antipsychotics.
  9. So it sounds like you're pretty afraid that people, even complete strangers, have negative intentions towards you. Why is it that you think people would target you specifically just driving by you? What do you think may have triggered this fear for you?
  10. This is a picture of my other dog, Spike, watching TV and being quite frustrated that he can never seem to break through the screen and get all of those giant cats taunting him. Sadie also was pretty excited about the fact that cats were on TV for like 30 minutes. I had to restrain her because she would try to jump up on the dresser to get at the cats.
  11. I am on an income based repayment but I think because of filing taxes jointly with my wife and the fact that part of last year she had a higher paying job the repayment ended up being the amount of my interest. I think I'm okay with paying the interest because that at least means it isn't growing. Hmm.
  12. I have some friends who are going the route of teaching at a Title I school for forgiveness. I know Wooster has done some sort of forgiveness program successfully involving health care in remote areas or something... There's the peace core, teach for america, americore, etc? I don't know. I feel like there may be other routes I haven't thought of. I don't want to go the army route for sure. Working for a non-profit for 10 years seems like not a bad route, it's just that I'd like to be working at a different non-profit earning more than what I am currently.
  13. For people living in the US, do you guys have any info for me on ideas for student loan forgiveness? I am at a non-profit working right now and making peanuts, but if I stay on another 9 years I could get my 50,000 in debt forgiven. But I'm not sure it's worth it. Are there other option for me? What have your experiences with this been like?
  14. Are you considering leaving your home town? I think sometimes a geographical cure is the best solution. I am glad you're not really homicidal, and you're doing better. I'd be careful about not making light of that kind of violence, though, Being actively homicidal can be a symptom of mental illness so it is tricky to not react to that language for me. But I understand it is just talk.. I really get the sentiment of misanthropy... sometimes I just hate all people and feel pessimism about the human race. But, it can get better, especially if you continue making good decisions and have some tenacity. 11 months is a while but I hope that's light at the end of the tunnel.
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