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About Amethyst

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  1. Thank you all for the WB. I still haven't been as active as I'd like to be, but I'll get there
  2. Pdoc and tdpc at school are not responsive to my needs and I cannot see them any more frequently than stated. They are just too overbooked. I can get on a waiting list for ERMH where I used to go or CPS where my friend went (or maybe she went back again now I don't know) but the wait lists are a year long, so in the mean time I have to deal with my pdoc who I love but who doesn't make our phone appointments (and who I won't be able to see in person once I'm back in school because the last bus out of RH is 2:20 (which is stupid because the last bus or train into RH is 12:00 midnight or later) or the tdoc who makes me anxious and the pdoc who doesn't believe my dx. I'm on ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Plan) - government disability and that limits the drugs I can take, they have to be listed in the Ontario Drug Formulary.
  3. 900 before, 600 now, but you're on a combo...were you on all the other meds? Wow, I'm just wondering if there's some sort of "negative synergistic effectt" here. (yes, let's make up terms) And you were on lith before but didn't have this problem? Huh. Interesting. I'm really thinking there's some sort of combo effect. When I was on lithium before I was also on a combo with haloperidol and the two of them made me a zombie that couldn't get off the couch (or formulate sentences for that matter, so I'm told). I can't tell you exactly what the med combos where at certain times as there have been many. But at that time I think it was Li, lamictal, amitriptyline, clonazepam, clomiprimine, haloperidol (fuck I can't spell I had to do that 3 times and it still doesn't look right) and as always ativan PRN
  4. I'm only on 600mg Li right now (whereas I was at 900 before the topamax ameth
  5. Well, it wasn't indicated here at crazymeds, but I looked it up at www.mentalhealth.com, which is the canadian internet mental health site and it turns out there may be another culprit at work here (and my guess is that it is both the lithium and the amitriptyline causing my symptoms) This is what IMH had to say Behavioral: Drowsiness, fatigue, activation of latent schizophrenia, disorientation, confusional states, hallucinations, delusions,[i didn't mention that I'd been having those too, I figured they were due to my current mood state] hypomanic reactions,[i'm in a mixed state right now, but I think it qualifies] disturbed concentration, [emphasis mine] nightmares, insomnia, restlessness, agitation, excitement, jitteriness, anxiety, giddiness. This sucks because according to my pdoc topirimate is not enough of a mood stabilizer for me (after a SI episode, a psychotic episode and a hypomanic episode - all in one week) and we're at a time that we know is one of my depressive cycles to the AD had to be titrated up. What do I do now? Did I mention my pdoc is on vacation for a month as of today?! I see my family dr. Monday but he won't change any of my crazymeds without pdoc's approval.
  6. Then why isn't it on any website (except crazymeds) or PI sheet? Yes I agree. I do hate the tremors (for example trying to write nicely in my Christmas cards or have a cup of coffee is a bitch!)...but I agree that not being at my best mentally is a far worse fate. Especially when I'm trying to graduate and bring up my avg. I don't remember that the first time I was on lithium (and was also on lamictal) but then again, the last two years is literally a fuzzy mess. While I am not on lamictal this time around, that is also something I am doing Thanks for the reply A.M.
  7. I'm on generic lithium carbonate. I don't know if anything else would be covered by my disability plan. And it's been past 4-6 weeks since I've been on it Unfortunately I never got the antidepressant effect of lithium but fortunately I never got the metal taste! Thanks for your reply!
  8. Thanks Mia, I started taking the lithium again about a month and a half or so ago. I tried to contact my pdoc today and told the receptionist that I was having serious medication issues and I needed to talk to her but she never got back to me (she rarely does but that's a whole other story). But the kicker is today is her last day before a month of vacation! I will be seeing my family doctor on Monday to get stitches out but he usually won't change my meds unless directed to do so by pdoc. I also see the school pdoc for a follow consultation (oh that's not until my regular pdoc is back anyway) It's a complicated story. My pdoc used to work in the hospital near me then she left and only practiced 2 hrs away. I was heartbroken and fell back on the school tdoc and pdoc although they don't meet my needs (tdoc sees me monthly and makes me anxious, pdoc sees me bimonthly and doesn't believe i need to be on a mood stabilizer) then I decided I WOULD see my pdoc in Richmond Hill, it's worth the 2 hrs. But I've only been for two office appointments, the rest were phone appointments and of those, she only made one and that was because I called the office hysterical and suicidal an hour after our supposed appointment time. Once I'm in school there will be no office appointments because I'd have to take the 8:20 bus and the earliest I'm done is 9:30. Not that you needed all that info but hey I'm in a mixed state right now and the pressured speech part is doing it's thing lol.
  9. Thanks A.M. Things are looking up except for cognitively and I can't have that with going back to class in January! Nice to see you too. I'll try to stick around this time. I guess at the time I was too sick to deal with the heavy traffic on this site. ameth
  10. Hi everyone, apologies for disappearing off the face of the earth for a year or two, probably one. Maybe. I think. I've been so mentally unstable and overmedicated and my life consisted of the appointment-ER-IP shuffle. I am going into my third year of a one year program at university because I had to take retroactive withdrawls because I was in the hospital 4 or 5 times during the term. As of November or January people started telling me I looked, walked, talked, etc like a zombie, so we dropped the clomiprimine and haloperidol. Then the biggest surprise in my life came completely by accident. It was actually at this time that I stopped the haloperidol completely. I was almost there though. I was down to one pill a day at that point. Let me back up and tell you where I was, what I was doing and why I was doing it. I was in Montreal visiting my friend with the next stop being Ottawa to stay with other friends and volunteer at the Ottawa Folk Festival (as I have for 3 years now). Well, before I left Hamilton for Montreal I knew I was going to run out of meds, but I was too busy or too lazy to go pick them up. So when I was in Montreal I carefully rationed them out so it would be a gradual withdrawl. Still, I went manic for a couple of weeks and had a grand old time. I came home loving life and everything was great. Despite not wanting my meds because I was on top of the world I have empirical evidence that my manias will escalate to a point where I do dangerous things, where I am out of control, where I am paranoid, delusional and psychotic (well I guess delusional is part of psychosis is it not?). So I got my meds, all except the haloperidol which I told them I was off and cancel any repeats on that, the lithium which for some reason I wasn't given any repeats on and my daytime clonazepam. So now I have amitriptyline, topirimate and clonazepam and what happens?! I get STABLE. For the first time in my life I get stable. On half the meds I am stable YES! Then comes the fall...days get shorter...hell why am I writing all that bullshit. I don't know if my winter cycle has anything to do with the light as it does with SAD or if it's just a coincidence that I have a depressive cycle in the fall/winter. In any case I started to get depressed. I started cutting again, only a couple times but still I thought it was a habit I had kicked completely. The most recent time I had to get stitches And now for the happy...no mediocre ending...for now... After three bad episodes in October (an SI, a psychotic and dysphoric mania) pdoc has put me back on lithium. (you can read all about the problems that I think lithium is causing me in the mood stabilizers folder) We've also added risperdal so now I'm back up to 5 meds plus one crazymed-related non rx, plus one non-crazy-med rx plus one crazymed PRN plus one non-crazy-med PRN, two if you count my inhaler Oh and we've titrated up my antidepressant. It turns out I was at a pain management level HELLO? It was my research that discovered this. So I'm one step away from being at a normal dose YAY and things really are starting to look up a bit. Well I'm sure I've bored you to tears but I just wanted to update you, if there's anyone who remembers me and say hi to the new people and let you know a little bit about me. Amethyst
  11. Hi everyone, sorry for disappearing off the planet for the last year or two, it's hard to tell time anymore. I was so mentally unstable, so overmedicated and doing nothing but the appointment-ER-IP shuffle. Now during one of my IP stays they put me on lamictal and it was wonderful. It stabilized my mood AND killed the depression. At that time I was a full time student and had the benefit of the student drug plan. Now, I am on disability and a part time student because I have only 3 courses to go till I graduate (though I'm in my 3rd year of a 1 yr program because of all the retroactive withdrawls due to 4 or 5 hospitalizations in a term). Well disability doesn't cover lamictal without a "limited use code" and the only limited use code my pdoc has is for seizures (which I guess means she won't lie and say I have seizures lol). So anyway she put me BACK on lithium. Now, I'm having tremors, which is listed in the side effect profile and that's fine, well no it's not, it annoys the sh!t out of me. But the other symptoms I'm having are driving me more bonkers considering those three courses I mentioned...they start in January. Those symptoms are confusion, memory problems, searching for words, and mental fogginess. crazymeds.us does actually mention something that falls under what I'm going through but it is the only site I've seen with any reference to any mental incapacitation. I am also on topirimate and before you say "oh it's dopamax", I've been on it free from these symptoms for nine months. I am also on amitriptyline and I checked its profile because I'm currently titrating up on that due to the fact that the winter is one of my low times, and I'm on risperdal and clonazepam, with ativan PRN.
  12. It was when I got to 75 mg that I first noticed a difference too. I also thought the same thing...is it just my regular cycling? But no I think it was the med. And now there is more than one of us. so there! Ameth
  13. I have BDD and ED-NOS. Everyone is always like "eating disorders are about control" man is that cliche. My eating disorder might have started out 13 years ago about control or attention or I don't know, but it's not now. My guidance counsellor made me feel fat 13 years ago and then it became an obsession. Now my eating disorder IS about food and IS about weight. I've set my goals a little more reasonable but know it's still underweight. I feel like I can't get over it until I get to that weight. And getting better better not equal getting fatter or i'll scream. What do you do when you don't want to get better. I go to an eating disorder group and my pdoc wants to refer me to an eating disorder program but I still want to lose weight. Ameth
  14. I wish I could lose weight without trying too geez! I know I put on weight without trying things to evil epival (depakote) anyway, a little OT there, sorry. Yes I definately think there is a problem. You are almost dscribing my eating habits there. I am anorexic but not thin enough to get the dx so i'm ED-nos The fact that you are worried about it makes it a problem regardless of dx. Talk to your doc Ameth
  15. I've been safe for months and even then, it hasn't been as bad as it was years ago. But now I'm not only safe but stable bp wise and all of a sudden I get the urge to cut, and later burn myself one day. It scared the crap out of me. I thought has all my hard work gone to nothing. And wasn't I supposed to be stable? Ameth
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