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About g8orgirl

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    United States - Florida

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  1. I know numbers are not allowed but I used to be very very overweight. That's all I will say. Lost a crap ton of weight over the past not quite two years. I'm an avid runner/ jogger now and people keep telling me I look great but not to lose anymore. The more they tell me that the more I want to lose. I'm technically not underweight for my height so pdoc doesn't seem concerned and I have never been diagnosed with an ED. I run for at least 1.5 hours a day and obsess over everything I eat. Careful to keep calories under a certain amount. I live and die by the scale. Should I come clean with pdoc? The thing is I have a goal weight I'm trying to get to and I am almost there. I'm scared I won't stop though. How does one ask for help? I am miserable and hungry all the time but won't allow myself to eat much. Sorry if this is all over the place. Any advice appreciated.
  2. I've taken all of those and my response is pretty similar to everyone else's. For me Seroquel hands down was the most sedating. I took it for 14 years and the sedation got better but never went away completely. I still slept around 12 plus hours a night. Abilfify and Geodon I did not find sedating. Neutral for Haldol and Trilafon.
  3. I have very similar symptoms right down to thinking my eyes were cameras too. It's eerie the similarity. My insight comes and goes. At times I am completely convinced I do not have this illness. Unfortunately that is also a symptom too. It definitely does feel like being in hell. I take my meds and have for the past 16 years and my symptoms still bother me too much.
  4. Sorry about that, I did sound like I was trying to diagnose. Iaawal gave great advice. I am curious to research the new DSM now.
  5. From what I understand if you're having psychotic symptoms that automatically rules out bipolar 2. Psychosis can and does occur with bipolar 1. And of course Schizoaffective includes mood and psychotic symptoms. If you're having psychotic symptoms when your mood is normal ( not depressed or manic) then it usually points to Schizoaffective. If the psychosis only occurs during mania or depression then it could be bipolar 1.
  6. I am having a bad night. I can't cut down on my drinking, I keep meaning to but it doesn't happen. I am still fucked up over losing my pdoc to suicide a month ago. I can't sleep and go for walks around my neighborhood in the middle of the night. A week ago I stood on the sidewalk and waited for a car to come by because I was thinking about stepping out in front of it. It was 1 am and there was no traffic. I got cold and went back home. I have a new pdoc and he seems nice and I like him but he's new. I was with my other pdoc for 16 years and I hate that I have to see someone new. My voices come and go, they're not horrible but it isn't good. There is something wrong going on at the high school I live next to. I feel monitored all the time. I am just existing and I'm tired of doing it. I'm back on disability which makes me feel like shit even though I know I should not feel that way. I hate feeling like this. I don't know what to do. I want to be gone but I can't do that to my mom. She lost her brother to suicide. I'm so sad and I should just go to bed.
  7. I do not have a tdoc right now. I should probably get one. I can't believe this, I never imagined I would take it so hard. They put the address of the gas station in the news and so I drove there. I looked at he picture online to see where he parked. He was parked between two garbage dumpsters, one on the right passenger side of the car and one directly in front of his car. Did he feel like he was worthless and so parked next to garbage to throw himself away? It's so awful. I should not have looked at the picture online they showed. They spray painted blue paint to mark where the car was parked. Now I want to go back there tonight because he probably did it at night.
  8. Thank you everyone for the kind words. I am going to start the process of finding a pdoc tomorrow. I am dreading it but it has to be done.
  9. Just found out tonight. I was his patient for going on 16 years. The local news said his car was found at a gas station with what was believed to be a self inflicted knife wound. He left a note. They are confirming the handwriting in the note is his to rule out homicide. Autopsy is also being performed. I just saw him on Dec 23rd. He said I seemed to be doing better than he had ever seen me. My birthday was yesterday. I am so sad and devastated. I wish we could find out what was in the note but I am sure it will be kept private. I am lost and I know it sounds shitty but I feel angry too. Almost betrayed. I am scared to find a new pdoc, I basically grew up with him. What If my next pdoc suicides too? I can't do this right now. I'm so sad for him, he was a wonderful pdoc and now he is gone.
  10. I don't know how they should react crtclms but burning down businesses and stealing is not okay no matter how pissed off people are. And yes white people loot and riot more often than is mentioned in the media.
  11. I'm not sure what I believe about what happened on that day but regardless looting and burning down the town is simply not the way to react to this. I'm saddened by the events going on there and I hope things calm down for the residents there soon.
  12. I believe I have an eating disorder but never been diagnosed either. My pdoc has never asked about it and I too am uncomfortable discussing it.
  13. I have SZA depressive type and my psychosis is not mild but then I guess it differs for everybody. The depressive type of SZA has a more similar course and prognosis to schizophrenia than the bipolar type or so I'm told.
  14. I am really struggling tonight. The voices are around but not too bad. I just feel like someone or something is watching me. My dogs are sleeping and snoring away so that makes me feel a little bit better. They are big and protective and very perceptive. I just had my bedroom painted a beautiful shade of blue today and I love it.
  15. I've been IP a lot and they are mostly very boring as others have stated. I don't know if you are in the US or not but I have noticed a difference between the public hospitals and the private ones with the private ones being better and offering more groups and activities. The one public hospital I was at pretty much discharged everyone after 3 days and maybe had 2 groups a day. If you feel unsafe then it is the best place to be but don't be surprised if they don't admit you. Most places will only admit patients that are actively suicidal and have a plan or people who are very psychotic. And Crazyfroglady I loled at the uno deck with the missing cards. Almost every hospital I've been to had them and they were all missing cards!! It's like a requirement or something.
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