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Catnapper

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About Catnapper

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    Living in the South under Baptist Sharia law

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  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    North Carolina, U.S.A.
  • Interests
    Surviving

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  1. If I recall correctly, I was on 40 mg this last time around for a few months. Now that I've been off of it for slightly over a year, I'm happy to say that I'm back to normal, except for extreme physical exertion. But I think I always made funny faces during heavy exertion, so I can't really blame that on the Abilify. I have read articles on PubMed (but don't ask for citations!) that said the tardive dyskinesia can last for up to two years after stopping the med, and if it hasn't gone away by then, it's likely permanent, which is more optimistic than what the neurologist told me. So it is
  2. Saturday, February 13, 2021: I'll start with the good news first - ECT has really worked for me!!! I've been so sick for so long it's just miraculous to me to feel better. My initial Beck Depression Inventory test that they do at the start of every visit started out with a score of 43, which is in the worst of five possible rankings, "extreme depression". Now it's running anywhere from 6 - 9, and since 10 and under is considered normal, I'm officially better and actually feel better, too! I haven't had any negative side effects at all, either during the initial index series of multiple t
  3. I am mostly recovered from the worst episode of depression I have ever had. It lasted about three years, and I've been recovering over the last year - I'd say I've been mostly well for the last six months or so, and of course it's not been a nice tidy straight line recovery. I'm 61 years old and this was probably my seventh? multi-year episode; I quit counting at four or five. When I'm well, I keep up with my hygiene fine, but even though I feel pretty good now, I still catch myself wondering when the last time I showered was, and not being able to answer the question. It seems such a hu
  4. I'm finally coming out of my worst multi-year depressive episode yet. I quit counting at around 5 or 6, maybe this is number 8? My pattern is a several month long (early in the disease) to a few years of a depressive episode in which I eventually end up in a non-functioning suicidal state, followed by a nice long run of 3 to 6 years or so of wellness, maybe with a little hypomania thrown in here and there. I'm 61 so this has been going on most of my adult life. At this point I'm on multiple meds and monthly maintenance ECT, and I've begun to notice that my recovery seems to be as insidi
  5. Hi Grouse! Isn't it nice to come here every few years and find the same crowd hanging around? It's good to know this place still exists.
  6. I have taken Ambien generic for a long time (years) and I've found that which generic you get makes a huge difference. I think the one made by Torrent labs is ten times better than any of the other ones I've tried. I'm not usually sensitive to which generic I'm using and can't tell the difference, but there was a huge difference with Torrent labs. I use the regular non-extended dose. I've never had the name brand so probably it would be even better, but I will never find out in this lifetime!
  7. In South Carolina I had a cool pdoc, and insurance didn't care, but the pharmacy sure did. There was less than 12 hours before I would meet the two day time frame on a refill, and despite knowing that I lived 30 miles away, they wouldn't fill it so I had to go back the next day. It was for Ambien and I don't understand how you can get high from it since it just knocks me out. This happened multiple times. As my pdoc at the time said, if you give certain people a little bit of power they'll lose their common sense and become complete sticklers for rules. So disheartening and such a pa
  8. It could also be a result of how draconian your particular state is, too. I used to live in South Carolina and in the little town I lived in the pharmacists were all sticklers for the exact time a new prescription could be picked up for any controlled substances. Since I lived way out in the country this was a major hassle. And if you're using insurance, they also may be playing a role behind the scenes and not approve a med to get filled until the last moment. The other thing about the role of the state is that not only do their electronic systems keep tabs on patients, they also keep t
  9. I don't know if you're driving or walking or taking the bus, but I live in the suburbs so have a car. I also live alone and I find that getting a tea from Starbucks and sitting in my car and watching and hearing other people in the background is useful, even if I don't actually talk to anyone. I usually just read the paper on my phone but it's nice to see movement around me. Now that it's finally cool enough to be outside again, I also like to go to a park nearby where lots of people walk their dogs. It's not a true dog park, but there are lots of dogs nonetheless.
  10. I had another terrifying suicidal episode this afternoon. My mood hasn't been great for the last week or two, but it's definitely been in the normal/okay range and I'm mostly functional. At least I have been okay at work every day, although I'm not sure I could say that if I wasn't able to work from home. I would have trouble getting fully dressed and getting to the office on time but I can manage to get it together enough to make it to the dining room table. This afternoon I had just finished a voice-only work meeting (thank god we don't have to use video) and was sitting on the back de
  11. I have also wondered if I restarted again now that a couple of years have passed if I would get the same good effect that I did when I first tried it. While it worked, it was amazing. I don't know if I would say it's better than the results I've had with ECT, but it was definitely less of a hassle since you don't have to go to the hospital, meet with an anesthesiologist as well as a pdoc, change clothes, etc., etc. Plus in my particular case the ECT hospital is 1.5 hours away and the ketamine place is only 20 minutes.
  12. I tried ketamine infusions in the fall of 2018. The plan was to do twice a week for three weeks, and then scale back and get to once every three to four weeks. I didn't have a lot of response until about the fourth dose, and then it was pretty incredible. I was suicidal in the morning, almost didn't go to my 2:00 pm appointment, finally made it in, and by 11:00 pm that night I was my old self again. It was an amazing day! I had been, and still am, being treated with meds and therapy, so I had lots of things in my system besides ketamine. I'm glad it's been working for you. Unfortunately,
  13. Wonder what his screen name on Crazyboards is? I guess we could figure it out from his use of random and incorrect capitalization in his posts. Sometimes when I see his tweets, I wondering if I'm actually reading German, where all nouns are capitalized.
  14. I'm trying to prevent these thoughts so I don't ruin my karma, but my god! How can he say don't let covid dominate your life? WTF??? Tell that to the 210,000 people who have died so far, and all their friends and family. If I still lived in D.C. I would be down at Layfayette Park screaming Fuck You!! at the top of my lungs!! Truly a textbook case of a sociopath - absolutely no empathy or even basic humanity. In all his messages since he became ill, he has yet to offer sympathy or condolences, or maybe an apology (wishful thinking, I know) to even his own staff, much less all the other regular
  15. I forgot about this part. This also happened to me, it was on day 10, maybe 11? And it was a crash, I thought I was nearly well and the next day I woke up sicker than at the start. I didn't go to the hospital but I did have two telemed appointments two days in a row at the request of the doctor, it was clear they were very worried. I live alone and have some risk factors so it wasn't unreasonable on their part. It did freak me out, though, especially how far and fast that I fell. I think Trump's doctors would be crazy to let him talk them into letting him out tomorrow, because if he cras
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