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Littleladybug

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  1. Wow. I agree that my post back in June is ridiculous. It is also a reminder and a wake up call that I do need to keep trying. I think what will really make me happier is finding a new pdoc. I have only had 2 different pdocs in my life. I'm nervous to go to another one, but part of my whole "quit the meds" thing is that I hate my doctor. I'm just frustrated. I don't even know really what else to say- I'm kind of speechless. I need time to think about things.
  2. This was a very harsh comment that was like a blow to the head. Despite that, you have called my bluff a little bit. First and most important, I post here when I need help. Crazyboards has been such a huge support to me and I know I have acknowledged that in previous posts. I have been symptomatic for weeks. I called today and had to BEG my doctor to increase my geodon. I'm sure that makes me sound like a hypocrite (higher dose, higher chance of side effects). I feel like I am in a constant battle between my body and my mind. This past summer, I needed an antipsychotic and my pdoc said, "we are running out of options for you). I'm sure there are medications that I don't know about that I haven't tried. I had a weak moment. Sometimes I want to give up, but I do keep fighting. My post of going cold turkey was a weak moment, and also very reassuring that that is the wrong decision. This is the support I need. How dare you threaten me that there is no "place" for me here. Your comment is unkind ,insensitive and a little hurtful. You are exactly the person i DON'T want to hear from. How dare you say that I am not fighting a "real" battle. Everyone is fighting their own battles here and everywhere. Thanks for kicking me when I'm down. Now I suppose since you are staff, you have a real pull over whether or not I can continue using crazyboards. I sure hope you don't kick me off here, because SOME people on here have been here to talk to me and help me and I don't want to lose this. I guess we can agree to disagree. I'm not the only one that has quit or thought of quitting meds cold turkey. I'm just fed up and by the way I have been taking my medication correctly as prescribed and have been eating and I have not been drinking either. To the rest of you: Thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement and understanding and thank you for not bashing me and making me feel wee tall.
  3. I have tried almost every medication out there. For a year and a half I have been fighting this batttle trying to get well. My meds are not working for me anymore and my doctor refuses to help me. I don't want to see another doctor. The main reason I want to stop my meds is because I just can't deal with this side effects anymore. They are intolerable. Other than that, I am tired of this battle and I just don't care to fight it anymore. My question is- how many of you have quit meds before cold turkey? I'm on Geodon, Lamictal, and Wellbutrin. I want to stop taking them cold turkey. Was wondering if anyone knows what to expect or has done this before and what your experience was like. I know I shouldn't stop taking them without my doctors advice, but I don't give a hoot what she thinks. I'm just done.
  4. The last two times I have tried to access my blog, it won't let me post anything new and also if I go to try and read my blog, there is a huge black box covering it. What is going on? I really need to do some blogging! It is one of those days....please help!
  5. writing and playing music helps me. and working out helps a LOT. you should try that. also i think if you're self aware and wonder if you're going crazy you probably aren't crazy...although this is crazy boards. a lot of times it helps me to think that maybe i'm just extremely smart you should try that. Thank you. I actually woke up this morning and ran for 30 minutes. When I get like this, I just need to remind myself that things aren't as bad as they seem and try to use my coping skills I guess.
  6. I'm just so sick of everything. I can't handle all of this stress. I'm ALMOST to my breaking point, trying to hang on, wait it out, but it just gets worse everyday. Thinking about just give up and questioning where my mind really goes when I go crazy. I feel like I am going crazy.
  7. Okay guys, I have been fixated on this thought for a week now. I took my friend to see her new pdoc which happened to be my nurse practitioner twice in the hospital. He totally recognized me, but couldn't say anything because of hippa. So my friend told him that I knew him and she lied to him. He asked her about things she does and she lied and he knows she was lying. I really liked him and now I'm paranoid that he is thinking that I'm just like her. If I hang out with her, I must be like her, right? I am just freaking out about what he thinks about me. Also I am wondering what other people are thinking about me, because I feel like they are judging me every move and thinking bad things about me. I have these huge stories about what people think of me and my life without ever having them said anything to me. I know people think of me a certain way, but they won't tell me how they think. So its just all a big ugly secret and I can't trust anyone to just let me be who I am without talking or thinking badly about me. I don't know what to do. Please help
  8. So I have insight, meaning that I know that if one is to be in a manic or psychotic phase, they will lack insight. I have been feeling extremely happy lately for no apparent reason. The ugly of this disease is that I actually have to wonder that when I am feeling happy it could actually be the beginning of an episode, specifically manic. I mean, right now, I feel on top of the world. No one can tell me what to do. I feel stronger and more invincible than I ever have. I feel like the world is my oyster and I could be or have anything that I want. I'm not taking crap off of anyone and I am not afraid to speak my mind. I am not afraid to make my needs known. I am not afraid of anyone or anything. My sleep, it has been horrible. I have awoken every hour on the hour or only to wake up and no be able to fall back asleep for hours. I have shared all of this with my pdoc. She gave me some sleeping pills, which are really helping, thankfully. I am not making any risky decisions, nor do I have any risky behaviors. I'm not sleeping around; that is good. I guess this really could be just happiness. Isn't it sad that I even have to question it? Does anyone else feel like this?
  9. I can relate in that I missed my delusions really bad when I got well. They defined who I was for so long, I had to start all over from scratch, I felt like a newborn baby.
  10. I just recently came out to close friends and some family members. It hasn't gone over well. Some made inappropriate jokes and others are in denial, convinced that I am not a lesbian while at the same time trying to convince me to "wait for the right man". I have always known that I liked women and men since I was 14. I've been sexually active with women since I was 14. I am 25 now and have realized that I am a lesbian. It all makes sense now. I don't want guys touching me, I never enjoyed sex with a man, yuck, yuck, yuck!!! I feel like an infant in a new, big world. I hope I can find a support system and a way to look for women. I'm tired of being alone. Coming out is a very scary thing, you never know how people will respond.
  11. This happened to me as an early warning sign of a psychotic episode, so yeah I would go ahead and call your pdoc and leave them a message.
  12. I had a really bad week. Just emotions and mood all over the place. Mood swings and such, so I now realize I was hurting myself by not taking my meds regularly. You bet your bottom dollar I'm on it like a hawk now! Forcing myself to eat and everything. I'm a fighter and a survivor, I can't give up!
  13. I was a bit dramatic yesterday. Don't know what they heck was wrong with me. It was just so many things rolled into one. I have several people convincing me to eat and take meds, so that is what I'm going to do, right now!
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