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Whomeyeahyou

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About Whomeyeahyou

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  1. *sigh* my mind is fucking exhausted. Quick history: I've been depressed a few times in my life, took celexa for a year in my early 20's. I'm a sober alcoholic, 10 years straight. Things seemed fine until I started trying to have kids. 4 miscarriages and a bunch of fertility treatments had me depressed , then I finally had a kid and had PPD. Had 2 more kids and when my last child turned 1, I headed back to a p-doc to try to feel better. I was DX BP2. This was because I told her that sometimes my thoughts crash together and I can't pick a clear one out. This was also after a year of my child not sleeping thrpguh the night - I suspect this lack of sleep made me freak out a little, and she read it as manic. She asked if I was sleeping and I said no. Well, I WANTED to, but my kid wasn't. I was shocked at the DX and never really bought it. I kind of suspect anxiety and or ocd. I've been on lamactil since the summer and it never did much for me. I will say that I'm no longer depressed - maybe it helped with that. Still, my main issue (hearing music all day long in my head) hasn't gone away. I'm weaning off of lamactil now to get a baseline and I seem to be obsessed with the idea that something is wrong with me. (mentally). Like, every thought I have, I think, "was that normal?". I know it doesn't sound major, but it is such a bummer, and it gives me the feeling that I'm on the verge of a panic attack. Can someone have OCD and just have OC thoughts? I don't do anything repetitively other than repeat music and or phrases in my head - especially under pressure. OCD runs highly in my family. Any ideas?
  2. I was dx with bipolar and I kind of felt that the DX was wrong. I think I have anxiety. Anyway, when I first started lamictal I felt great! But I started on a low dose. Now I'm up to 100mg and I'm starting to think it's making me manic. I never felt like this before taking it. I have had bouts where I have had a song stuck in my head for days - I think that's what made the shrink think bipolar. But now I have a song stuck in my head all.the.time. Its making me feel crazy. UI'm going through a lot right now, one of my children may be DX with autism and I think I'm close to having soem sort of nervous breakdown or anxiety attack. Nothing injurious, jsut the feeling of constant anxiety and the fucking song in my head. It was waking me up all night last night. WTF is wrong with me?
  3. She related it directly to Bipolar 2, part of mania. I get it all the time though. I always thought everyone did.
  4. This bothers me. Does this happen to anyone else? It's like a radio is playing all.the.time. It's not like hearing voices, it's not a particular song, it's just random songs that I could have heard during the day. WTF?
  5. I totally feel you. I'm a 36 year old mother who was purposely hitting people with my shopping cart at the grocery store before I started on lamotrigine. (I pretended it was an accident, but it wasn't. People just annoyed me THAT much.) BTW, I also feel more in control of my eating on this med. Also, I have noticed that exercise has calmed me down as well.
  6. can you make an appointment with your counselor ASAP? I felt the same way a few weeks ago and then something magical happened. My meds started working. suddenly I didn't give a shit what they were calling it, I was just happy that I finally felt better. That was shitty of your friend to out you. I would pull her aside and tell her that it's not her story to tell and to shut it. My Mom was the same way. She's just one of those denial type people. I hope you feel better soon!
  7. Alcohol and weed. Been sober almost 10 years now. I still abuse food though.
  8. Thanks peeps. Hey, I think the lamictal started working this week. My friend said I looked calmer. (She doesn't know what's going on). She jus said I was less fidgety. That sounds good, right?
  9. So.. I few weeks ago I was DX with BP2. I was shocked, but not really. (I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but I'm still on the fence) I'm still kind of undecided if I really have it. Here's what I'm telling myself: HYPOMANIA 1. Not sleeping This happened after I had my daughter and after I had my sons. I couldn't sleep. I was on a high. Isn't that normal, after having a baby, to not be able to sleep? You almost HAVE to go into overdrive to survive the not sleeping, feeding, baby crying thing, right? Besides, I never had decreased NEED for sleep - I fucking NEEDED IT BADLY - I just couldn't get it. 2. Racing thoughts Again - after I had my children, I had racing thoughts. So many it sounded like static - felt like a pinball machine in my head. I couldn't even pick out words in the thoughts they went whizzing by like they were someone else's thoughts and I was just a bystander. I also had a song stuck in my head for days. It was playing over and over - I couldn't stop it - it was like listening to a song on repeat. But HELLO - I hadn't slept in days! I was overtired! Whose brain can keep shit together with days and days on end of no sleep. Wouldn't anyone feel this way? Besides, it only happened right after having my kids - isn't that like PPD or something else other than BP? 3. High sex drive. Um, not right after having my kids. No thanks! However, I have had an abnormally high sex drive my whole life. I don't feel it was cyclical though. And I never slept around or did anything risky or stupid. 3. Talking fast: yep. I do sometimes. When I'm nervous. I even interrupt myself. I'm pretty sure I do this when I am and when I am not depressed. DEPRESSION No fooling myself here. I have it. I have had it my whole life, on and off. However when i'm depressed I still have racing thoughts. I always have those. It's actually HUGE news to me that not everyone does. I'm having a hard time believing it. What does it sound like in a normal brain? One thought at a time? I can't even picture that. I guess this would be the one symptom that really sounds BP to me. A couple of other things that may or may not be related to BP: Sometimes I feel spastic. I knock shit over, spill my coffee, get all tweaky, etc. Clumsy, I guess that's what i'd call it. When I feel this way I also find myself talking a lot. Usually it's after I've had coffee. I have an eating problem. I can't stop eating. I try to calm down by eating - does anyone understand what I mean? i'm an alcoholic. Been sober almsot 10 years. Pdoc thinks that I was a drinker b/ I was trying to calm down mania, I guess. I do recall wanting to drink to calm down this feeling I was having. The same feeling I get when I need to eat, what I used to feel before I would vomit ( recovered from eating disorder for 10 years too). Shit - i'm all fucked up - but is my fuckedupedness BP? Or other?
  10. I have a close friend in this show. Interesting - I knew what it was about and saw it quite a few times ,but now that I got DX, it is TOTALLy different to me. I need to see it again!
  11. Well Tryp, we can experience starting this drug together Today is day 2. I have no idea what to expect. Hopefully nothing major other than feeling better.
  12. Hi there. I'm new to the boards. WE have a bit in common, I'm a SAHM and recovering alcoholic too. Also Bipolar, but I'm still deciding if It's true or not. (read:DENIAL) lol. Anyway, looks like you haven't been on in awhile but I thought I'd say hello.

  13. Thanks peeps. I really see myself in many of the posts here. I do belong, * sigh *. Welcome to my new old life, I guess.
  14. Thanks everyone for your replies. I started the medicine lamictal yesterday. I feel like getting this "news" that I'm BP has put me in a tailspin. I am without a doubt depressed and could use medicine, I know that for sure. Sometimes I feel like I'm high and low at the same time or on and off all day. I'm picking myself apart and analyzing every fucking move. It's annoying me. Every time I have a thought, I think, "did I think that too fast?" LOL. What a fucking mess. My heart hurts, I feel so so sad about this. This sucks. Bipolar for sale. I don't want it.
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