Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

1 Follower

About TEVA833

  • Rank
  1. Yes, yes, and yes. That's exactly why I'm hesitant to turn to benzos for relief. It's actually astounding how unaware most people (including doctors) are about the downfalls of benzos. All you need to know is that GABA receptors are, literally, in almost every cell of the body. That's what we're talking about when it comes to withdrawal. This is why my earlier post about using opiates is maybe not as crazy as it sounds. While opiate use can obviously lead to dependence, it's a much less steep curve than benzos. Personally I don't have any withdrawal after I use opiates for, say, a week or so, whereas I feel the withdrawal effects of a benzo almost as soon as it wears off. If it's a choice between, say, vicodin, or lying down in the bathtub with a gun to my head and a phone book underneath to catch the bullet...I've gotta think vicodin is the logical way to go...
  2. Lol yep, I've been in therapy for awhile. I don't mean to disparage it, but mostly it makes things worse, because the more I explore/articulate my situation, the more inescapable it seems. I've just gotta find something that can act as a distractor/diversion. I know that sounds like the coward's way out, but if it means keeping me alive long enough to sort these things out, I have to think that's a good thing. Anyone on seroquel? I hear it's strongly sedating, which for me is a plus. What about people taking high amounts of benzos? Like I said benzos tend to make me more depressed, but I take a relatively low dose (0.5 clonazepam ~ 4 times a week). Maybe at higher doses it could numb my emotions more?
  3. What about anti-psychotics? I'm sure I sound naive saying this, but you know in movies when people in the psych ward are walking around like zombies? I want what they're on lol. I'm joking, but only somewhat. This crushing loneliness is almost unbearable; I'd tolerate just about any side effect if I could keep that feeling of emptiness under control. Not make it go away necessarily, because like you all said, "loneliness" isn't a condition per se. But I need something to help blunt the severity of it. Or maybe it's not the loneliness per se, but my fixation/obsession with it? My psychiatrist says Celexa is supposed to help with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Not working so far... As for getting out of the house and socializing: I actually have good friends (much to my amazement) and I do stuff with them on a weekly basis. The issue isn't friendship or company, but more like not having a love life/dating. If anything, hanging out with friends is a trigger that makes my depression worse, because I see them in relationships, kissing, putting their arm over their partner's shoulder, etc, and it's a reminder of what I don't have. I used to be overweight and lost about 100lbs; I'm in good shape now, but people don't realize that when you lose that much weight, there's things like loose skin, etc, that have to be dealt with (not to mention emotional baggage). Until I sort all that out, I can't put myself out there to try and start dating. So I need a medication that can help tide me over until I can make the *real* changes that can cure loneliness. I saw someone mentioned Welbutrin; any other suggestions? Anti-psychotics/potent sedatives? Benzos only make me more depressed and really don't help. Even if I could find something that would numb me, that would be an improvement from the suicidal hell I'm feeling now.
  4. Hi all, I'm curious if anyone has any experience/recommendations that could steer me toward an effective medication for loneliness. I've been severely depressed for the past 2 years; I have body image issues that have prevented me from having any meaningful relationships/dating/love life. I'm working on those, and in time, I will start to date and put myself out there. But in the meantime, my loneliness has almost become a point of obsession. I can't take my mind off of it; the intrusive nature of the thoughts disrupts work and other activities. Spending time with friends doesn't really help; it's a lack of intimate human contact that has left me feeling so hollow inside, I sometimes feel like my chest could implode in on itself, like a dying star. I feel heartbroken all the time. I need a medication that can help turn off that desire, at least temporarily. Zombie-like side effects are acceptible (maybe even a plus). Any recommendations? My current meds are: Celexa 60mg/day; klonopin (pills and sublinguals); ambien and trazedone for sleep
  5. I don't mean to resurrect a dead post. I eventually tried suicide a couple times (the last one, I took about 30 vicodin and I couldn't pee for three days, had to be hospitalized for a catheter (my bladder was about to burst). I read back over these comments; I appreciate what a lot of you said, and I apologize for my attitude. I'm on a heavy regimine of atypicals now; feeling a bit better. But I do think a lot of you don't understand what it's like from a guy's perspective. Turn on any TV channel and you'll see women ridiculing men for their size. A friend of mine,who's a girl, once admitted to "laughing" when a guy she was about to hook up with took off his pants and she saw his penis size. I just don't think a lot of people can understand how devastating that is. I realize guys judge women by their bra sizes (and they're pigs for that, make no mistake). But there 's almost nothing as crippling, as far as sexual activity, as having a small penis. I just wanna tell the truth about that. But, the posts I saw I on this thread, gave me hope I'm not doomed-- that maybe there are people out there that don't care (by the way, I'm bisexual for what it's worth, so maybe gay guys will have even less of a problem). I just wish we'd all realize we're human; that there's so many things we can't control, and that's the magic of sexuality anyways-- falling in love with someone for all their imperfections. I find imperfections to be so hot, because they're utterly unique to the person you're with. But maybe that's just me. Anyways, thanks to all of you with the positive comments. I actually feel a lot better. Thank you.
  6. A couple things: The major studies put the avg size between 5.5 and 6, with most closer to the 6" mark. While an inch, inch and a half may not seem like much in absolute terms, statistically it's multiple standard deviations away from the average. Meaning: I'm in about the bottom 1-2% for penis size, from what I can gather. To the woman who had a boyfriend that was 5.5: there's a big difference functionally and aesthetically between 5.5 and 4.5. The comparison to women's breast size is a false equivalency: women can get breast implants if they so choose, and even regardless, breast size isn't related to sex in the same way penis size is. While I appreciate the supportive comments, I think anyone would have to concede that such views are an exception, not at all the social norm. Even the way some of them were phrased ("adequate"..."sex not the only thing") betrays the underlying, inescapable truth about having a really small penis. I really just wanted to post this because I think this issue contributes to depression in a way few people can conceive. Few men can admit this to their therapists; it's probably way more common, and underlying a lot more cases of severe depression, than people realize. If you don't suffer from this, you can't know what it's like. I would bet a LOT of money that, if someone did a study of male suicides and penis size, there would be an amazing correlation. If (fingers crossed) I can someday work up the nerve to do it, I'll gladly volunteer to be a subject.
  7. So, I can already hear the laughter coming, and also, mods, if this falls under something other than depression (body dysmorphia?) feel free to move to the appropriate forum, although I couldn't find a dysmorphia section on the site. I had an unusual childhood/adolescence, in that I never had a sex drive. I rarely ever masterbated and had no inclination of hooking up with anyone in school. Looking back now it was probably a hormone imbalance (even now in my early 20's I have low testosterone). Some people have suggested some kind of repressed childhood abuse; I don't really subscribe to all that. I was popular and had friends, but that aspect of my life was just missing. There were times I thought something was wrong, but I was too busy devoting myself, first to school, then to my career, to really notice. A couple years ago that changed (I'm 24 years old now) : I saw the future given the path I was on, and the imagined lonliness prompted me to start exploring my sexuality. I started HRT, felt a real sex drive for the first time, and was ready to start dating. Except...I have a very small penis (4.5 inches). It never occured to me before because I was never interested in sex, watched much porn, etc. Now to the depression: the past year I've spiralled into worsening depression/anxiety. I've been on lexapro, then celexa; they work on the mood, but not the thoughts. I take clonazepam when the pain is too much to bear. This may sound trivial to some people. Consider, however, what life is like when a normal sex life is something you'll probably never have--what that means in terms of relationships, companionship, starting a family. Sex isn't everything, but it sure as hell is important, and this is one aspect of myself that, no matter what I do, I can't change. I'm lacking (literally) as a man, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Yes, maybe I could find someone out there who could accept me for who I am, but in the meantime I can't take the rejection and humiliation. Society views men like me as a joke. I don't even feel like I'm part of the 'real world' anymore, like it's something I can't participate in: I'm living life behind a glass, and the pain I feel when I see happy couples on TV or in movies, or walking down the street, is too much to bear sometimes. I've tried so often to kill myself, but can't work up the nerve. So I think the next best thing would be a "living death"--I just want to be totally sedated and blank. I'd really like to try ECT. I'd love to be on anti-psychotics 24/7. Psychological dysmorphia therapy doesn't work because that's for people who are normal but *think* they're not. There's nothing normal about a 4.5 inch penis, and no amount of therapy can change the laws of physics. I'm quitting my job: what use is a career, money, ambitions, life goals, with no one to share them with? Anyways, I thought I'd make a post about this here. Needed to vent; too embarrassing to admit in real life; maybe someone else out there? For the <2% of us men living with this, it is an unimaginable curse, and I think it probably accounts for a lot more depression/suicide than most people have any idea. By the way, I love this site.
  • Create New...