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About crow66

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  1. Good grief...I’ve freaked out my sister...no more contact with her (I guess for a while)...won’t talk to me or text me back.  

  2. @Blahblah hey, what @argh described so eloquently pretty well sums up my mixed phases...damn, they are awful. Severe agitation, VERY depressive rumination, (“fast snowball”...yep), I can get suicidal...wanting EVERYTHING to just stop and that seems a viable solution, anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, very disjointed thinking, ...it’s terrible.
  3. My sister hasn’t responded to my texts for at least a week.
  4. @notloki The memory thing is crazy isn’t it? I had a close friend that I’ve known since the 80’s (eventually was a colleague where I worked) just completely disappear for a couple of weeks. I hadn’t a clue where he went or that he was even going to be going on vacation. Back in those days we were very close and there was no way I wouldn’t have known about it. I pierced it together that he was on vacation and sorta acted like I knew about it with co-workers when they mentioned it in passing. I didn’t know where he went until he got back. We talked about and he was stunned...we had apparently discussed it in some detail (he had gone to Indonesia). That sorta thing just happens. crow
  5. I’m 53, I don’t have a good count (several over the years) of my truly manic episodes...I’ve bad memory problems from an old brain infection and temporal lobe epilepsy...docs know, but unless I’ve actually written things down and can go back and read the decent...it goes out the memory hole. I tend toward horrible and dangerous mixed episodes. I guess what got my question going is because I’m climbing out of a I guess it was a hypo episode and I didn’t see it happening. I do know what got it started...I screwed up my meds and wasn’t taking my lamictal (I don’t know for how long). I think it crept up as the lamictal left my system. I keep nuking many-many paragraphs of details of what I was doing/thinking. The strange thing is I was so weirdly calm (but energized) about the stuff I was doing as I moved into the nut phase. Not sleeping, paranoid, not eating. making grandiose plans (going to be a well regarded physicist), getting involved with online dating apps, peppering my sister with very long text messages about all sorts of disjointed stuff and what finally opened my eyes was planning to contact an old love to apologize for events from 20+ years ago. The only reason I stopped the contact plan was writing that plan out on my blog and actually seeing it in writing (and getting some gentle feedback). I was able to connect the dots and get help. I’ve hit things with some Saphris, kept my Seroquel XR the same and returned to my proper lamictal xr dose. I was worried about getting the rash since I’d been off but so far I don’t have it. I was just so calm and seeming focussed...but I was doing a lot all at once but so calm. It’s clearing out fairly rapidly. crow66
  6. Here’s a general question that I can’t seem to find any answers. How do you recognize a manic episode starting and stop it? It seems like I generally can’t. I don’t interact with anyone, so I don’t get any external feedback. crow66
  7. My calmness has continued and my focus has been much better. If I did something to trigger this I’d sure like to know what it was. So abnormal...it’s kinda spooky in a way. crow66
  8. Okay, the weirdly calm has continued...I really should be happy and all, but I can’t help but feel like this is just the prelude to some episode. This is such a strange feeling.
  9. Very weirdly calm....I’m not knocking it but it feels quite strange.
  10. Hi Janet,

    I hope everything is okay.  We miss you!


  11. I’d very much like to have penmanship that I felt good sharing. I ordered a old school Spencerian penmanship system course to try to bring some aesthetic value to my handwriting but it takes A LOT of dedication and time...sadly, I was too lazy to stay with it. crow
  12. @sugarsugar and @shesellsseashells When I was working I routinely spent time on an email and saved a draft that I the later re-worked after my subconscious had a chance to mull the discussion. The technique was absolutely essential when venturing into areas that required a tactful approach and I also used more senior staff to evaluate the text before I sent something important. That knee jerk reply impulse can really create problems. So, my hangup is really with personal email and texting (I haven’t written a work email in quite a while). But the same ‘aging’ procedure would work for personal stuff too...if, of course, I’d apply some self censoring and edit for brevity. Aside: the cello band Rasputina does not provide a way to contact them electronically...they exclusively value handwritten correspondence and only provide their mailing address. They used to have a brief value statement on their spartan website...now it’s just their mailing address. crow
  13. Sad because a ‘friend’ has taken serious financial advantage of my gullibility and trust.
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