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crow66

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About crow66

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  1. Oh my gosh!  The more time I spend with my psychologist and dig the more I realize how stupid I’ve been throughout my adult life. I can see making a mistake here and there but this is ridiculous.  We’re acknowledging self criticism about the past, trying to learn from it and move forward.  I don’t know why i’m just now seeing this so vividly...how the hell do you fix stupid?

  2. I’m exploding!  I’ve completely undone the weight loss I achieved when I went off Seroquel back several years ago.  But damn it, the drug just works really well. I had majorly destabilized and when I say its saved my ass I mean it really saved my ass.  I tried cutting back the Seroquel and filling the gap back with Saphris...didn’t go so well.  It’s weird because I was so stable on Saphris (no Seroquel) for so long.  Getting laid off and buying a house has really punched some buttons. I was doing ok for a good while until I think about 6 months after I moved to the house.  And it’s a nice place that doesn’t need any real work (though I do have to get my water heater serviced or replaced, so that sucks). I do need furniture, but that’s going to wait until I get employed.

    The unexpected upside to having to go to the hospital...my agoraphobia has lessened very-very much.  I even spent a day at my hometown visiting with family (along with the CPA and my GP).  And I felt pretty much okay.  I’m going to venture out some during the day tomorrow.  

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. crow66

      crow66

      Thank you Janet.

    3. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Very welcome. If I understand anything I understand weight issues. 

    4. crow66

      crow66

      Went to my PA...she doesn’t think it’s cellulitis!  It didn’t respond to the antibiotic and the color and general nature seems to point elsewhere.  Apparently, cellulitis should be quite red....things are off color but not really read.  Plus, she determined that both lower legs show edema...my right ankle foot is a lot larger.  She ordered a lot of bloodwork...now I don’t have a clue what it could be. 

  3. I kinda hacked one of my nails and made it bleed a week or so ago...that’s the only skin break we could see. Even though things are really swollen they didn’t think I needed anything via IV. Cellulitis can be very dangerous but my case should respond to oral antibiotics so I was given a prescription for Cephalexin with the standard...if it gets worse head back instruction. So I’m happy. Regarding the vein thrombosis concern, my internet diagnostic work had included cellulitis as a differential diagnosis but this seemed to be way too deep for that in my mind plus I’ve been really sedentary lately (grounded to the house and all). The two conditions look quite similar and without doing an ultrasound you really can’t rule out a clot. My foot and ankle are red in color which points more in the cellulitis direction but I’m colorblind so that indication was lost to me.
  4. Well, I put the trip off until around 11 last night...but I did go in. It’s cellulitis, x-ray was fine and the ultrasound showed my veins were those of someone that is or was a runner (in my case it’s was a runner, lol).
  5. Thank you Janet and Gearhead, You’re so right Janet, this swelling is dangerous and it’s got to be addressed (been reading). I do have some Lorazepam that I ALWAYS forget about...if I take that it might get me out the door...thank you for bringing prn anxiety meds. It’s so strange that I have that available but never think about it. I drive just a bit and at night almost exclusively...my truck is part of my cocoon. Getting to my doctor’s appointments (weekly) is absolute hell and it’s the only time I go out during the daylight...but that’s going to a familiar place and where I can scoot from the truck into the building very quickly. I get into my truck in the garage so there’s no outside exposure doing that. A cab or Uber is an idea, but i’m pretty sure I’d flake out getting into an unusual vehicle. The one good thing is that the hospital is SO close. Thanks for the comments...I guess i’ll get some Lorazepam into my system and just make this trip happen. There is no other choice because the swelling isn’t getting better. crow66
  6. I’ve been struggling with agoraphobia for sometime now. And its only really gotten worse...I don’t know what to do...it’s up to me to get myself to the hospital and signed in etc...my left leg, below the knee is quite swollen and I’ve done enough web doctoring to decide that it’s likely a blood clot caused by my broken down recliner that puts pressure on the back of my legs. It doesn’t lay flat and I don’t have anywhere to stretch out...though the floor is an option that I haven’t taken advantage of. I’m not buying furniture for my new house until I get a job (ha), so the broken recliner is all i’ve got. I’ve spent so much that real furniture just has to wait. But I am considering eventually getting a new recliner, i’ve got to do something about that situation. I’ve closed my world down to a very-very limited or no exposure to daylight, crowds, people or news. My tv channel lineup is narrowed to just a handful of ‘safe’ channels and my web activity is limited to ‘safe’ sites (really just music, sci-fi (Hulu) or old time radio programs) And now I’ve got to go get my leg checked out...this is going to be a lot of exposure. I’m having a very tough time making this happen. How do I get out of the house and get into the hospital ER? My little ventures to purchase cat supplies (always right before the store closes at night) and to the grocery store (always right before it closes at night) are trivial compared to a hospital trip. Also, if they pickup on my illness I’m afraid they won’t discharge me directly to my home and that will open a Pandora’s box of family complications. My oldest sister is the only person in my life that knows what’s going on (mentally and now physically) and she’s going to care for the cats if I get admitted so that’s going to be ok, though the cat’s schedule will get screwed up pretty badly (I have them well trained, but that’s a whole other issue). Sorry for babbling, but I don’t know how i’m going to get in for treatment. Any suggestions? My sister lives 70 miles away and has to rely on her husband to drive her to the city I live in (traffic is too much for her), but they will make the trips to feed and take care of the boxes. My local hospital is about <2 miles from my house, an incredibly convenient location. The leg isn’t going to get better without some sort of intervention as far as I can tell. Ideas? Thanks, crow66
  7. I’m completely obsessed with music by Heilung...EDIT!  Ignore my previous comment on Ofnir...not at all justified.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. crow66

      crow66

      Gee, that’s kinda tough but I’m quite fond of the song Norupo on the album Futha.  In fact that whole album seems to get a great deal of my attention.  I hope you enjoy! Don’t steer away from Ofnir...that was deeply stupid...there are a couple of tracks that didn’t hit it for me at first, but it’s really good. (Genius in fact)

    3. echolocation

      echolocation

      thanks for the tip! i haven't had the chance to listen yet -- crazy weekend -- but i should have time tonight. and don't worry about Ofnir, sometimes albums take a few tries before they hit right for me too. i'll definitely check it out! :) 

    4. crow66

      crow66

      I’m very excited to see your reaction.  Heilung has really touched me (in a good way, lol).

  8. I REALLY like YouTube’s music app!

  9. Ok, I’m really annoyed with my psychiatrist.  I ran out of Lexapro Thursday and didn’t have any refills.  So Friday morning I sent a brief text asking about it...no response, so I sent an email, again no reply.  Perhaps she thinks it is the culprit in my recent hypo state...maybe it was. But, I wish she would have told me something.  We had really reduced my Seroquel dose to a sub-therapeutic level (in my experience) shortly before I got unstable.  I’m back where the Seroquel is doing its job, but I’ve had major insomnia from quitting Lex cold turkey (no brain zaps or anything dramatic yet).  I guess it’s not that bad because it’s not like I really want to sleep...just sorta nervous energy.

    1. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Wow...not good at all.  I’d call and pester her/him all day today. Just not acceptable. I hope you can sleep again soon. 

    2. crow66

      crow66

      Everything got sorted out Monday morning.  The pharmacy completely f’d things up...for some reason they deactivated my prescription (I had refills but they nuked it in total)...when I called to find out why I couldn’t even select the prescription for refilling they said that they had called the doctor and it was denied...I hadn’t requested a refill or anything so them calling my doctor didn’t make sense.  My doctor wasn’t contacted and certainly wouldn’t cut me off like that, her records showed that I should have had refills so Walgreens did something weird.  I think, in hindsight that I should have CALLED the office and not relied on the text/email system.  The staff likely could have helped me.

      Anyway, we’ve transitioned me from Lexapro to Prozac to see what happens with it. It was really my idea after I did some reading about it. Doc had floated Prozac to me before we settled on Lexapro but Lexapro had proven helpful in the past so it won that round.  

      Now i’ve got to really focus on treating a pretty bad case of agoraphobia.  We had to work on things in priority order.  Yay

    3. crow66
  10. Thank G_d for Seroquel XR!  Its saved my ass again.

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. crow66

      crow66

      Hi Janet, I just realized I didn’t properly acknowledge your apple cider vinegar note.  I’ll give it a go...I generally like vinegar (the red-wine varieties) but I’ve never tried apple cider vinegar.  Yes, every little bit will help. I’ve managed to switch to shakes fairly painlessly...I remember when I did this type of weight loss program before that commercials featuring pizza were difficult to see without feeling like I was missing out. Since I got unstable I’ve boycotted most outside influences...very controlled tv...I tape what I want to see.  I haven’t seen or heard any news broadcast or live tv in many-many months...in the car/home it’s XMRadio Old Time Radio programs or music. Heck, I don’t even know what’s going on with the weather forecasts.  (Sis told me about the storm) Everything seems to set me off. So this time around it’s likely I won’t see any food commercials.

    3. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Doing all the fad diets people tend to just regain the weight after. I’m having success with forcing myself to walk an hour every morning and using the my fitness pal app to track calories. They were specific about 2 tsp amount as they studied with no vinegar, 1 tsp, and 2 tsp and 2 was the most effective but hell that almost makes me want to try 3 tsp. 😂 

    4. crow66

      crow66

      In defense of the program that I did, it was very much a value added complete program.  You met with the nurses weekly, the doctors minimum of monthly (more if needed) and they did bloodwork to make sure you’re staying healthy.  There were regular detailed, personal, private meetings with the psychologist, physiologists and dietitians.  There were also weekly classes on how to change your lifestyle to the maintain the loss (and if you needed additional support you had it available). It was nice to have a comprehensive collection of specialist at my disposal.  And they train you how to eat.  The key is to follow through with what they train you to do.  Exercise was part of the plan for sure. i was quite compliant what they taught me before the crash.  Their instruction works if you watch what you’re doing and I may head back to the program for support while I get back to a normal weight.  They offer continued support that I haven’t taken advantage of.  I’m having pretty significant problems being around people or even daylight at the moment, Seroquel is helping me but I’m still a bit of a mess. So getting back isn’t going to work at the moment.  I was using My Fitness Pal A LOT...it really rocks. I’m definitely going to add the vinegar to my regimen.  

  11. Docs say it’s quite close to hospital time.  I’ve been hypomanic for a couple of weeks...we’re going to try upping the Seroquel and reduce the Saphris.  My primary psychiatrist is unavailable so the psychologist contacted the psychiatrist on call who then called me and offered medication advice. My treatment team really is good and responsive...if I’m honest about what/how I'm doing.  The key is that I have to take the dang meds...i’ve been on this kick of buying stuff & REALLY not wanting to sleep at all and I know that the Saphris will knock me down so I skip it.  I see my normal psychiatrist Wednesday.  

    1. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Just remember...the higher the high, the worse the crash. For most anyway. Please take your meds and practice good self care. All of the hospital and hard crash may not happen if you just get the gumption to prevent that horrible crash...and financial mess. 🤗 

    2. crow66

      crow66

      Than you Janet.  I’m really trying to get on schedule.  Sleep seems so wasteful but I know its critical. 

       

    3. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Good. I know it’s nice to have all that excitement, energy, but it always ends in agony. 😐 I hope you can remember that. 🤗 

  12.  

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      I wouldn’t nuke posts. They’re good for hindsight later to see your progress. But if it’s embarrassing I can understand. I’m so glad you’re going to get back on track with your meds. 💗

    3. crow66

      crow66

      I saved that stuff to my phone for future self abuse.  Leaving those posts up all day is embarrassing. FWIW, I took my meds, slept well and am doing much better.  Thanks Janet

    4. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      That’s great to hear! I hope you continue to feel better. 🤗 hugs!

  13. Binge watching Babylon 5

    1. crow66

      crow66

      I haven’t been active on the board in a long while but I have to follow up on the B5 bing.  I finished it in just a few days and watched the movies too...it was fantastic!  

      Between then and now I lost touch with reality for quite a few weeks (no, I didn’t fall into the B5 universe...but at least that would have been interesting). 

  14. We’ll get through this. Hugs ? 

    1. crow66

      crow66

      Hugs to you too :)

  15. Christmas alone again (except for cats).  Weaned off Saphris, now working my way down on my Seroquel dose.  Feel slightly afraid as I was very suicidal not long ago, but things seem okay...I'm just sleeping 16+hours a day.

    1. jt07

      jt07

      I'm alone too on Christmas.

    2. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Me too, remember, just another day, i just try to busy my mind with something like crocheting or Netflix. Hugs to both y’all. 

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