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  1. I have told two doctors about her, one said she was a fragment of my personality and he could do nothing, the other thought I was making up the whole thing for attention. as for therapy, I have been to mostly daily group therapy for the past 5 months but I have an appt with a new individual tdoc on the eighth, not sure what type of therapy it is.
  2. I just want to fucking end this bullshit life I live, it seems all good from the outside looking in, but on the inside it fucking sucks. I feel like I'm destined to either spend the rest of my life in and out of the hospital or kill myself, and I'm searching for a way out of those two possible ends but I just don't see it. I can either tell someone how I feel and why, and they either tell me to go to the ER, or either commit me or force me to sign myself in threatening commitment If I don't. I would not have a problem with this, as I actually like some of the hospitals I have been to and wo
  3. I can relate with the OP... when I get mixed I think of PIT-ing slow drivers with my car, and hitting annoying pedestrians, and shooting the drug dealers who live across the street, and punching annoying people in the face, and poisoning people who get on my nerves. but I agree with the other posters, take the zyprexa, better to be asleep in your own house than sitting in jail, likely with NO meds in jail. (they did that to me, jails are horrid to people with MI)
  4. I was suffering through a depersonalization episode at partial today and the therapist reccomended doing what he called 5, which is a mindfullness exercise where you focus on 5 things you can see, hear, touch, smell, then 10 things you can see, hear touch or smell, etc. it helps a little bit
  5. after I wake up from ECT I usually feel amped up and ready to take on life, it could be described as a trance like state but its more like energized.
  6. my pdoc does therapy with me, and is extensivly trained in psychotherapy, however she is from europe so that may be part of the reason she is good at therapy, she is also brilliant pharmocologically speaking.
  7. I like psych wards, it is kind of hard to explain what they are like but I will give it a shot, they feel really safe and stuff, and you get constant attention from the staff and fellow patients. That is what I like about them, on the other hand, the food is terrible and they don't allow a lot of things which can suck. it all depend on what psych ward you go to
  8. My pdocs (I have been hospitalized so much that I have two pdocs) both think I am treatment resistant, and were at their wits end by the time they found a combination of meds that actually works.
  9. http://neurosurgery.mgh.harvard.edu/functional/psysurg.htm Perhaps this will help you better understand the lobotomy in modern medicine, where to get one, the ramifications of one, and how there done. It is a good article.
  10. Ask about lyrica, it works really really well as a mood stabilizer for me, and is said to also help with anxiety, which may reduce panic attacks
  11. "let me know if we need to lower your thorazine because its too sedating" as I was bouncing off the walls and laughing hysterically at the therapists every lame joke. (I'm in a partial program)
  12. For some reason, I have found that if I don't take my lyrica within an hour of the normal time, I end up with a splitting headache, somewhat like a hangover headache but even worse. Does anyone else receive this side affect or am I the only one, and if so, has anyone found a cure for it, since sometimes I accidentally leave my afternoon meds at home and this happens. (I know the obvious answer is don't forget it)
  13. much better day today than yesterday, although my two bosses had a long sit down talk about me

  14. have to start the SI count over again, at least it want bad :(

  15. first day back on meds in a year, and actually feeling better from them for the first time ever.

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