Octopuppy

Thank you for your replies. Yeah, I am definitely minimizing it, but ultimately if it affected me, it affected me and I need to deal with it.

So I was talking with my therapist this week, and she'd read a hospital report of where I'd had a dissociative episode whilst visiting my brother last week. She explained that it pretty much only comes from trauma, and I know what the trigger was and why it happened, I just never considered the particular event traumatic. I mean, that trigger has given me flashbacks before and other symptoms, but I just didn't think it was y'know... that bad? What happened was scary but I'm easily scared so it seemed normalish? Tdoc wants me to do trauma work when I've finished my DBT but two things come to mind: 1) How do I deal with the info that I might have trauma, its scary to think I'll have to revisit this and talk to someone about it 2) I don't want to give wieght to what happened, I want to call it a mistake and forget it happened. I understan this will take work to unpick. I guess I'm just yelling aimlessly just could use a little support? Thanks

Can anyone tell me how quetiapine affects imagination and creativity? I've read the PIL, but there wasn't anything of note. I've always had a hyper imagination, and what's been happening is just like my ideas and thoughts being too bright and loud to stay inside my head, and if I take this med, I won't be able to imagine a bean. I'm an artist by living, so it's a bit important. All input appreciated, thank you.

There was a ten-year old version of myself appearing everywhere. When we were alone at night, it kept saying, "You killed me."

Several months ago (I'm not totally sure when, I wasn't told, my reports just changed) I got rediagnosed from depression and anxiety to disthymia. Pdoc doesn't want to prescribe anything for 'low mood' and tdoc is currently on sick leave and there's not the staff to pick up her appts. My mood had dropped significantly in the few sessions before she left, and switched between crying and being too sick of my own voice to say anything. It all seemed too unimportant to talk about anyway, so trying to open up got difficult. The last time I saw her we talked briefly about going back on medication. Mostly for the past year and a half I've been consistently low, but for the past three months or so, I've been feeling really crap. I had about a month of consistent crying and sleeping, but now I've just gone totally blank. I'm acting really irritable and moody without actually feeling it. I'm aware that I have a lot of guilt and self-hate, but it's just passive. I don't sleep. I eat too much without enjoying it or wanting to. I feel sick and tired in every way. I can't engage with anything, and even anger and anxiety, it's like I know they're happening, and I can feel them without actually feeling them. Which makes no sense and I can't even explain it. I get an occasional couple of hours of very intense misery where it just hurts so badly I can't move. Not feeling anything is a loads better than that, so at least I've got that going for me. I'm just sort of going through a lot of pointless motions, and doing all the things like going to training and dying my hair and smiling and lying in bed at night because it's the stuff that I do and it doesn't mean anything. If I didn't then, well I dunno. I haven't really got a personality at all. I'm sort of just reduced to electrons in a meatsack. Doing those things are basically all I have to call a personality. But I'm not sure how important being a person is. I think personality is only done for other people anyway, and I don't really want any of those in my life either. I guess hopefully I'll get hit by a truck or whatever at some point. Sort of just low key ready to be done. I haven't the care to do anything, but I feel a lot like parts are giving up and my heart will just get bored of going or something. Uh, I think the point of this post was to just to... I dunno. 'Cause ADs are meant to level your moods out, right? Stop you from feeling actively low/miserable? And I don't reckon I'll get much leveller than zero up and (mostly) zero down. I've put off going back on anything 'cause I tend get worse side effects than positive effects, but god, if I've just got to carry on just having this hopeless, lightless void as insides, I just can't be bothered. I'm just wasting resources. I don't really know how to progress from here. Or if I care enough to. If I just leave it I'll run out I guess.

Hi all. So, for a quick bit of current background, if I have certain additives, primarily certain food colourings, I get an assortment of hallucinations, delusions, mixed manic episodes, and dissociation (depending on what I've had, how much and how I'm feeling). The hallucinations tend to be the worst and most common side effect. They're normally manageable and quite mild when I'm not at my best, but they rocket if I've accidentally eaten the wrong thing. I sometimes ate them as a teenager on purpose to basically get high/tripped out, but the content of the hallucinations have gotten a lot worse so it's far from fun now. So, from about three months old to 2yo, I was on medication that was loaded with them, until my parents totally cut any of those additives out my diet completely. I've done some reading, but does anyone have any experience or ideas on hallucinations or psychosis symptoms in babies/toddlers? I have some ideas, and it makes some sense to me, but I'm not seeing my therapist for a while to talk to her about it. Any help? Thanks

Somewhere in my broken-glasses-hissy-fit I cut up my cash card and I need it -___- My dad has his glasses made up abroad, when he goes on business and it's very cheap. I've seen some frames i like for £30 and when he goes next month, and he can get the lenses put in then, so that's good. I'm thinking I might ask if they can call it my Christmas present or something. Two months early ¬¬ It's so embarrassing to have to approach people, even parents, to ask to borrow money. I feel incapable of managing my own finances. : For the meantime, I've glued/taped them together, which looks real shoddy, but means I can at least drive. I'm feeling calmer, but no more positive. Thanks for the continued support. You guys are a great help.

I don't know about you, but I have two weeks of housework that needs to be done. I've been doing it in little half hours, two maybe three a day. I've been rewarding myself for good work. I've been understanding that I can't do more. But, the problem arises when there's two weeks of housework that needs to be done. Half hour slots mean it's building up faster than it's getting done. And the family is starting to get annoyed. I'm paid to do the housework, then not doing it. The What Helps thread lifts the mood and makes me feel less like offing myself, but for motivating myself to do the things that I just don't wanna do. Well, I'm stumped. What makes you able to do the mountain of laundry?

I'm thinking I might call for that emergency appointment the lady at the pdoc office told me about. My mum told me yesterday I had smiled once in the past week. Whatever I lost when I broke my glasses hasn't come back. I'm feeling real bad. I can't afford my eye test tomorrow. I haven't got a penny to my name right now and I can't claim any low-income funding for another month. I'm gonna have to ask parents for money, which I hate. And then there's buying glasses... I'm gonna have a scout around and see if I can find some real discount place.

I'm on a list to be treated for BPD, and I'm not sure I have it either. When I look up the checklist of symptom type thing, it all seems like extremes. Frantic fear of abandoment. No solid sense of self. Yeah, I don't really want people to leave me. Yeah, I'm a bit shaky in myself sometimes. I dissociate quite badly sometimes, but BDP sounds a lot worse that what I have. But then, if this therapy is going to make me feel better then I don't care what they call it. Maybe you should go with it for a bit, see what the treatment options are and see if they fit you. I've heard that the therapies for BPD are also very useful for depression, anxiety and self-esteem problems too. So I'm just sorta going with it and seeing what I can make work for the way I feel.

Went to the optician this morning, they can't be repaired. They were pretty old too, so I kinda needed to get an eye test and stronger ones anyway. I might see if I can get contacts or something maybe. I can't drive without them either. I should be able to get a pretty cheap set though.