I would suggest not asking, because like you said, things are really hectic and they don't need to be answering everyone about who can come or should come.
Find the obituary in a newspaper, or online, or call the funeral place if you know where that is. You should be able to get all that information without talking to the family.
Typically funeral etiquette is: unless it has been "advertised" (couldn't think of a better word) as "just family" or "just family and close friends", then funerals are (almost universally) open to anyone who knew the person.
You were her friend, regardles