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About fantod

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    the wrong kind of crazy

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    blanket fort

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  1. Thanks for the photo, @DogMan. I appreciate the vicarious beach visit. Being out in nature away from other people is one of my main coping mechanisms, and I've been feeling near suicidal the more spring progresses here where I am and I am not able to do that. If you can be safe doing so, that's great. I think my state and surrounding states are being far too cavalier with the restrictions they're lifting. I'm so scared of what might be ahead.
  2. Very glad you made it and are here to tell us your story, Catnapper.
  3. PRN helped a little. I didn't do all the wash, but I got through about 1/3 of it so I am giving myself credit for that under the circumstances. I really need to do the rest of the wash, though. And call the pharmacy again since they only had part of my refills ready. I just hung up with them after being on hold for 25 minutes. I'll try again later.
  4. Experienced that around here on Easter, too, @onsenseal. I thought the churches were closed; every church I notice has a sign up saying "online services only". But so many people from my neighborhood went out to church someplace apparently and went to brunch or something and were talking in the parking lot about "lovely service" and how they have to do prayer group and like nothing's different. It's frightening.
  5. Take PM meds earlier with goal of being better functioning tomorrow morning than I was this morning. I received something upsetting in the mail and now I'm having extreme difficulty thinking about anything else and I am having trouble organizing my brain to face my chores etc. Fuck. edit: since I'm still melting down, here is most what I need to do tonight/tomorrow or Weds at the latest though I don't know how I'm going to at this point. prn if needed take night meds by 8:00 PM meds to G if needed call V/pay call pharmacy wash have list ready f
  6. Family therapy: will I regret not trying with my parents one last time?  50% over it/miserably accepting they're not going to change, 50% desperate for them to hear me as a human being while we're all still here.  But why would they listen now, if they didn't before?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. fantod


      My mental energy is being eaten today but I wanted to thank you for that perspective, @Gearhead

    3. saintalto


      It depends on what kind of people they are really. Some people can change but some people are stubborn to the core or simply don’t think they need to change and can’t be convinced otherwise. My dad was a narcissist and was never going to change so I just had to cut ties with him. There was never going to be a way to get him to hear me. Sometimes accepting that a person will never change is the only way to move on and feel better.  

    4. fantod


      That's what maybe 51% of me is feeling today, @saintalto.  That they can't/won't change or wouldn't see value in trying since it would be me who's speaking up.  I'm sorry your father was like that.  I got upset over my family's recent efforts to force me into old dynamics.  Maybe I'll speak my piece once, like Gearhead mentions, or I might be too scared of them to even do that.   

  7. 1) Does the grogginess go over time? --for me, yes. It took about a week for my body to get used to my starting dose of Quetiapine. Even that starting dose of 12.5 mg really knocked me back to start out, and now that I've been regularly taking it for sleep for around 9 months I take 25-100mg at night and 25-50 mg daily as an add-on PRN for anxiety. I don't have any trouble getting out of bed in the morning now. I remember the first week taking it was really rough and I didn't think I could stay on it, I was so logey in the mornings. That effect recurred a bit with dosage increases, too,
  8. Sunday-- --clean bathroom, or at very least the toilet --start documenting/filing (lowest priority of day) --make meal to eat with meds --work on shopping list --work on chore list for Monday --check in with brother esp if he's going to go out like a dumbass
  9. Tonight/tomorrow: --shower --take out trash and recycling --exercise --figure out what food I can make to take with meds
  10. That sounds difficult, GrannyG81. I'm glad the chemist accommodated you. I'm having problems facing doing the laundry. The laundry room is so small there is not a way to be 6 feet away from anybody else if anybody else is there, and I am also scared that my clothes or bedding will be contaminated. I don't think that contamination fear is logical (CDC page) but I'm still afraid of it. And maybe this is more of a Confessional topic, but I'm perversely grateful for the stay-at-home orders here, as it means that I currently have the excuse of public health to avoid physically seein
  11. They sound like they don't really have their act together at that therapist's office, Banana Smurf. I'm sorry. It's good that you're advocating for yourself by talking with the school counselor and planning to speak with your pdoc.
  12. Noooo, Bernie, don't leave us with Biden.  What happened with Tara Reade?  #believewomen

  13. That's crappy of them, Banana Smurf. Did they get back to you and apologize? Bonus, Catnapper! My cat has commented audibly on some of my telephone sessions. I hope my Drs appreciate that. I am loving not having to travel to my psychiatrist's office, as it was an extremely stressful and inconvenient endeavor using transportation services for half a freaking day for a 15-minute med check. My old therapist changed offices and terminated me in early March, so I still don't know what my new therapist looks like since we do telephone-only therapy. It's weird b
  14. I hope others will comment. I only took it for a couple weeks in acute hospitalization scenarios; a family member has taken it for over 20 years for sz disorders and hasn't developed TD. It's one of the side effects I'm most afraid of, so whether the fear is warranted or not, I understand feeling it.
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