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    Midwest, USA
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  1. good topic. The first therapist/counselor I ever saw probably saved my life as I was rather suicidal. But I think she also knew that I could be scared off pretty easily, so she managed to keep me coming back every week and I was pouring it all out. That was 30 years ago. I have since seen a parade of people, you know, after moving, changing jobs, having different needs. The worst ones are the ones who seem bored or who seem to have some other primary job and the therapy thing is their side job. The most recent one I saw was super nice. She's a little bit younger than me, but reminds me of like a nice babysitter or that girl you knew in high school who you felt you could tell her anything and she wouldn't spread it around. She really did help me with one of my "issues" surrounding a traumatic event. Other therapists had me so confused on the issue... she made it a very black and white issue of what was right and wrong and I feel so much better... I have to remind myself of what she said. I am taking a break right now from therapy, just taking my medications and trying to work through things in a reasonable manner.
  2. I've never really thought of it as a coping mechanism. I think of it as a way to entertain myself when I'm bored, such as when listening to a speaker. There's nothing wrong with picturing yourself being in a better place.
  3. Hi Lisa, some of the churches have newcomers groups where they explain what it's all about and it's a great way to meet people one on one. Then they may recognize you at the next service and be friendly and you will feel more at ease. I went to an Episcopal church for several months in my area, it was a new denomination for me. I have tried several "brands" of churches after being raised Catholic and Fundie. The people were extremely friendly at the Episcopal church and I still am in contact a little bit with a couple of people from there, even though I stopped going. I still think of going back. I have become the type of person who only goes to church on Easter and Christmas, though I do sprinkle in some odd things here and there. One time I just randomly picked a church on Christmas Eve and went there because it seemed to be the only one having a true midnight mass/service and I had just gotten off work. People are almost always glad to see a new face
  4. the snow that was melting stopped melting and the rainy shit that was falling froze into ice and it was kind of slippery walking to my truck and pulling out of the parking lot.
  5. Thank you Melisssaw and others who responded to me in August. I have been doing OK. Just came to crazyboards tonite for a little perspective. I had been kind of overly focused on some negative stuff and couldn't figure out why. This is distracting me well enough.
  6. Feeling stupid. I keep day dreaming that I have another life. Not going to happen.
  7. Hi Asho and Melissa, I did go back to taking my dose of 30 mg and that ended the feelings of irritation and dizziness. I was able to go out Friday night and participate in life somewhat and spent time with my partner. I ended up sleeping a lot on the weekend because I had to take some benadryl after getting stung a few times by bees. I am back to my usual pleasant self. Ha ha. As usual, no big plans and the ever-present vague feeling that life is passing me by. My p-doc has asked before about whether I would be going back to counseling. I again feel like that is a dead end. I am afraid to mess around with medications because I have immune system problems and seem to have a few weird drug allergies. I don't know. I had some devastating things happen during the ages of like 10 to 17 and just never really get over it, I guess. Now I feel this late middle age dread of getting older or dying or whatever... I hate feeling that nobody/nothing can really help me and that I can't really help myself or truly change.
  8. Haven't visited this site in a while usually only do when life is sucking ass. Well, I have been back on Lexapro for a year or two (30 mg). Had been on Zoloft for a couple of years before that and over the decades on and off stuff. Lately I was thinking that I have been too blah blah blunted, and the p-doc and I decided maybe I could go down to 20 mg and see what happens, that was a week and a half ago. Jesus h christ I am losing my mind. Feel very irritable and dizzy and spacey. So tonight went back to my 30 mgs. I just wanted to feel my feelings and see what I was really thinking. And I did and it was all shit. The worst thing was I kept wondering why "nobody" likes me at work. I was pissed I wasn't nominated by my colleagues to be on this rather low level panel. I kept thinking, they must not like me. I really don't get it. When I take the medicine I don't ruminate like that and have the accompanying urge to scream at people But really, all I am doing normally to fill the emptiness in my life is watch Netflix and talk to strangers on Facebook about cats. So big deal I take my medicine and then I don't feel like screaming at people when they leave me out of things? (All right, I guess I just figured out why they don't want to be cooped up in a conference room with me). Regardless of whether I take medicine I am left out. I guess what I am saying is that I am either depressed but somewhat pleasant and agreeable or I am depressed and pissy and very unregulated. Either way, still depressed, though I guess the former is more conducive to life. Anyhoo, I do agree with you, this summer has been terrible. I've been staying indoors doing housework. Pathetic! Have a nice weekend!!
  9. This website is very educational, by the way. The pdoc office started giving us more detailed receipts, and I updated my cb signature with the info. But I had to find out what the anxious distress thing meant and found the answer on cb. Muchas gracias.
  10. I live with a lot of inflammation and nobody has ever said anything about my oxygen levels. I am quite alive. Try breathing exercises, like in yoga
  11. I go to 12 step groups for my codependency and enabling behaviors. I no longer drink but used to imbibe quite a bit, that was one of my main ways of socializing. A lot of dumb and bad things happened as I really do not handle booze too well. Tried the illegal stuff, realized after a while it was not for me. Mostly everyone I have dated was an addict/alcoholic. I suck at life
  12. saintalto, my spouse and I have been together a very long time. One time we did couples counseling, it helped. Right now she is working on her issues (as am I), and I think it will help a lot. Before she wasn't too willing to try. I am very codependent and enabling ... I sort of need to get out there and be me ...
  13. Thank God for cat videos, and cats in general, I guess. In general, I laugh a lot less than I used to. Everybody in my dept. at work is so fucking cranky. I still find the humor though, just not with the same people
  14. well, I keep trying, but then a lot of times I don't. I am thinking of trying yet another church, this one based on the activities and subgroups it has. I keep thinking fondly of this one church I went to, they were so effing nice and the social hour was amazing. Didn't really care for the church part, though...
  15. I am taking meds for depression but I don't really feel depressed. Have very few close relationships in life, but the ones I do have (with mom and my wife) are very stressful. I was taking some online quizzes and I don't show up as depressed or anxious but do score as very lonely. Which I am. No actual friends anymore, just coworkers, acquaintances and relatives I hardly ever see. I sometimes do things where I could meet people, like go to church type things, 12 step groups, meetups, but I tend to bolt for the door when things are over. I just would like a pal to do occasional things with. i volunteer at an animal shelter sometimes, and that is cool because I can talk to the animals. Talking to people makes me extremely uncomfortable and I feel I am not good at it. I don't want them to know what an idiot I am. What can I do? I make starts but can't folow through.
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