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Everything posted by sonicwhite

  1. Don’t abuse the benzo. Cuz if you are cut off the withdrawals are Dante’s Inferno. I know its eating you up inside but honesty is always always best but even I can say if may not be a good idea to tell him. Just dont bring ut up. Benzos are so dangerous. I was cut cold turkey off 3 mg of klonopin and suffered so bad. I had had to move and saw a new doc and they immediately labeled me a drug seeker. Gabapentin works so well well for my General Anxiousness. It did did nothing for the OCD anxiety but for PANIC ATTACKS and GAD. It works like a charm. Pleasr dont abuse benzos. Their getting strict on them. I think the only thing benzos are good for us alcohol withdrawals. But it like I said it’s going to bite you if you are weaned or cut.
  2. Can u get Lyrica? I found tgat ti erase erase my anxiety and give me a boost. Gavapentin In has always been good to me.
  3. I do but I don’t have s ride. Unfortunately my roommate is going to Florida. My truck got stolen in October of 16. Right now now all I do is lay in bed crying. Worrying. Losing weight. I tokd the nurse all of this and when I do see them their going to know I’ve been through the ringer. she asked what has been reduced. Well I hardly eat. I lay under the covers with my eyes open opening this would all go away. The thing I fear is I told her it was becoming a problem. Si she may always steer away from giving it to me. Ill I’ll have to find a new doc.
  4. I plan too, but first I need something that will get me out of the bed. When i I first saw her I weighed 200. I weigh 165 now and I eat maybe once every two days. Gabapentin at least took the edge off.
  5. Quality of life has been reduced to zero. I have ave things I’ve gotta do and I can’t funct like this. I called the doc doc and told them please reinstate the gabapentin but I won’t know until I see them if they will. Id I can live life just on gabapentin and not a benzo I’ll be happy. It usually takes me going thru a hard trial to see what really matters. Tha it’s not worth abusing and losing something that has given me some of my life back.
  6. 119 SSI. 650 SSDI. So I don’t know how all of this is going to work
  7. Is 850 with what I already make. 769 is what I make so I’ll only be able to make less then hundred.
  8. Ok I’m in ssi and SSDI. I’ve been out of work since 08. Im legitimately disabled but I was my most happiest when working. Anyone know now what I can work without losing anything. Not that I’m greedy but I’ve got to get my life back in order. I live in Oklahoma btw so I don’t know if that matters.
  9. Told the doc that gabapentin is a problem. She asked why and I said because I abuse it. She understood and said we will dp a slow wean. I’m thankful I have a doc that doesn’t just cut ppl off of things when their honest. Can anyone one give me some encouragement on gabapentin withdraws?
  10. Today I had a little bit of OCD AND anxiety. Every time I’ve called to get a Xanax since I’ve stopped has been thrawted by divine intervention. Today I was going to buy three 2 mg Xanax to help my anxiety. Well she lost her phone. Last time a huge storm bout blew my buddies car off the road. I believe in divine intervention. I’m almost three months so we and I don’t want to screw that up because I have more anxiety then usual.
  11. It’s amazing in April I told God if I have withdrawals I’m going to go thru it for the sake I need to handle the anxiety on my own. I flushed the xanax I had. I’ve hardly had any withdrawals from it. I have my normal anxiety that’s a sword that will never leave my home. God was faithful in taking it all away. Im not preaching just showing you my victory
  12. In 05 I had a psychotic break. Even when ceasing all drug use the psychosis didn’t go away for like seven months. In 06 I gave my life to Christ. I had a profound peace and joy. I kept having ideas after ideas about being a preacher. I thought i qas called to be the next Billy Graham. i keep bouncing back to the euphoria I was experiencing was due to being born again and not hypo mania. It lasted two years until I got in a anti psychotic and from there my mood crashed into massive obsession and delusions. Can can anyone help me clear my thinking up,
  13. You guys know you can’t reason with OCD. Its jusr my possible worst fear.
  14. For a Christian like myself I hang on everything the Gospel talks about. To me it’s the most important decision you can make. My my worst possible fear is dying, standing before the Almighty. Giving an account of my life. And sent to hell. My pure O OCD latched onto the worst possible outcome. At first my OCD latched onto fear of children. One day I was looking at porn and I immediately got this fear, what if I’m standing before God and doing this. Then it went on from there. I would fear at any moment I was going to be thrusted into hell for all eternity. My anxiety was beyond help. The Worst possible fear had sunk in. Oh how I hate spikes.
  15. I was abusing my doc that died out of the blue at 42. I used to just try to get pills I knew I could abuse. I wasn’t always that way but when I backslid in faith I wanted something to take away the klonopin depression. I have this fear fear that Dr Holloway killed himself because he was being investigated and that I’m the cause of it. Now I don’t know if he was being investigated and it strikes me as odd that he died so young and before he died he said Daniel I’m just trying to make life easier for you. He died the day before my appointment. Please guys i have have always wondered this but now I feel like it’s a good possibility. Im going to suffer the rest of my life with guilt because I don’t know how he died
  16. I’m thankful I fired my docs last year at this time and started my own wean. I was cut cut cold turkey three mg of klonopin for seven years. I was in what they call it a benzo psychosis. I kept thinking I was actually dead and about to be sent to hell. From July till March I weaned to .25 twice a day then I jumped. It was scary at first but nothing like cold turkey. I highly recommend anyone withdrawalinf from benzos to stay to stay away from engaging about your symptoms. Now or the next drug to tackle is gabapentin.
  17. Yes but when I’m off of it I just feel normal anxiety. I know I’m thru the benzo withdrawals. My suggestion to ppl who want to recover from benzo withdrawals is don’t engage about your symptoms. I fled the benzobuddie forum because it was just making me worse. Since i I banned myself I haven’t dealt with any symptoms.
  18. It’s a great relief for me. I weaned off klonopin and I’m almost two months off and I don’t feel any withdrawals. Just my normal morning anxiety.
  19. Guys. I’m humbled by the Lord. I feel like I’m the worst. There are are too many self righteous Christians who prevent ppl from growing in Christ because they show what they bend delivered of and boast in the self confidence. When i I first can to Christ I thought He chose me because of something good about me. No! It was because of His great love and mercy I see the world the way it should be. Im not even worthy to lift my eyes to the heavens because of my unworthiness. Folks if I ever come across as arrogant I’m sorry. Im trying to weed out the ppl who boast in themselves. Lord have ave mercy of this sinner.
  20. It’s legal here where I live but not everywhere. I’m not in klonopin anymore so I deal with anxiety all day everyday. Right now all it it does is take the anxiety away. I don’t believe it’s wrong but if it was illegal where I live then I would consider it bad for you. I don’t want anyone to follow in my footsteps. I just do what I have to to survive.
  21. I’m fine. I can’t preach here so I don’t have any ground or Authority to speak. I will I’ll just let it go.
  22. I’m sorry for preaching. I know we all suffer from Mental illness. I hope we all can recover one day.
  23. Lord, please take it all away. The pain it causes makes me wish I could fade away. Please understand folks im out of love and unconditional compassion that I want you to see the true light. Unfortunately I can preach here but if any of you have questions feel free to PM me. Can’t preach.
  24. No I never said it was a cure for M I. I do believe in DSM5 diagnosis. I feel as tho I just can’t get ppl to see what I experienced. I want them to share in that same joy. Jesus talked about in a parable do not throw your pearls to ppl because they will stomp on them then tear you to peace’s. I don’t go on and o. Im trying to love. I’m trying to fulfill my duty as a Christian. Whether you’re Christians Jew or Muslim I want you to know that I love you. That I want you to come see what I see. Im not allowed to preach on here so I can’t stand on any ground but please just know God Loves you!
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