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  1. I am from a small town and have massive paranoia. But the reality is very few people know. Pharmacists do not gossip. Doctors don't gossip. There was a book about life that i picked up decades ago.The very first page says everybody is thinking about themselves first. So stay confident even in a small town. Definitley don't send out cards because then you have labeled yourself as delusional and people will really gossip. I know many members on this site will tell you different. But living in a small town is hard. When I fall into a depression I'm 'gone' so to speak. I don't like cliches, however, this one is true. Set one goal for yourself to accomplish. Only one. If and when, add two goals from the day. It is a start that may work for you. Stay as strong as you can.
  2. This is a comment on a dead thread! I'm down during late spring and all of the summer. The fall is wonderful for me. And I love snow so i don't have any significant cycles during winter.
  3. Reduced cravings yes. I found that the habit and routine can still override the cravings. Sooo it helps yes. But the real work still has to come from the person.
  4. The details are unimportant only that there was a major trigger followed by 5 days of psychosis. It was the most severe break from reality I have ever experienced. My pdoc dismissed it as delirium and "it won't happen again." Beside the irresponsible comment from the pdoc, how can a BPii person be delirious if the symptoms of delirium are the same as the underlying BP issues? While nearly identical in description I thought the two were mutually exclusive if BP is present? Can anyone set me straight on this??
  5. i remember your screen name. and odd because i haven't been on this site for a long time. awesome discipline with awesome results! congratulations!
  6. i noticed you are on a high dosage of Latuda. You also don't have listed that you have any medication to control akithesia. That is awesome/rare if you don't get it. However, if a person is not familiar with akithesia it can be misinterpreted as anxiety. The first reaction is to take ativan (or whatever benzo) because it initially presents itself as anxiety but then doesn't stop with 1mg or even 2mg (for some people, i don't know your specifics). If it, anxiety, is getting worse and worse without specific stimuli, investigate Cogentin. Just ask your pdoc. But, know in advance, so many people think akithesia is simply leg thrashing and the need to move around. Ha. It is far beyond that and is easily the worst thing I have ever experienced when on a high dose of Latuda. It may not apply to you, just a comment.
  7. This thread needs resurrection for all of us over 40. It seems many people have left the site? Anyway..... For the people with giant egos, fine, good luck. Large ego doesn't seem to come with MI. But males go through a similar downward spiral in their 40's. Different than women, but just as real. After many embarassing situations, I came to a simple conclusion. Only think of people over 40! Forget society, marketing, waifs, makeup, teens, texting, kids barhopping, etc. All of us in our 40's are going through physical changes, TOGETHER. There is something liberating knowing we all have something physically embarassing. Therefore, it becomes less embarassing! Strut across the room naked and flaunt your body, no matter what you think is wrong with it. Anyone over 40 will respond, guaranteed. They might get naked too and flaunt their 'flaws'. At some point after 40 we become far less judgmental of others over 40. It is awesome to not stress over a body imperfections bc we all have them. When you are below 40, none of this registers at all. But it will.
  8. We all like to believe our docs or pdocs know everything about what drugs they are prescribing us. But the reality is far from that. For any situation, not just MI, doctors routinely prescribe the WRONG medication or medications that are contraindicated. That is where the pharmacist enters the picture. We dismiss them as 'pill counters' but we aren't aware they are calling the docs and pdocs about an incorrect drug, strength and contraindications. The medical heirarchy is very established so the pharmacist has to tread lightly with the doc on our behalf. Anyone outside of pharmacy doesn't know this but the pharmacists keep us safer than the docs. A great pharmacist will know issues about drugs even if their computer doesn't flag the RX's. An outstanding pharmacist knows about psych drugs extensively. Also, the pharmacist knows which drugs docs and pdocs regularly prescribe. They know who makes the mistakes and who knows nothing about drugs (this is far more common than you think).
  9. the pdoc's don't always understand how we cherish a point of stability. mine frequently wants to change when i'm doing well. i've learned to just tell him 'no'. i didn't like changing things up if i was stable, and as lame as this sounds, 'if it aint broke, don't fix it.'
  10. For better or worse my pdoc tells me reducing the highs is easier than the lows. (in my case, i'm BPii and a low baseline.) I have found reducing the highs to be true and in its place I'm experiencing exactly your negativity and varying levels of energy. There have been periods where I absolutely questioned the diagnosis but after so many years I realize and accept that i have BPii and not major depressive disorder. I am however opposite of you in hiding the bipolar. I was very good at it but as I get older I get weaker or don't give a shit as much, who knows. I thought the diagnosis was degenerative but my pdoc said not necessarily. With the right balance of meds and lifestyle it isn't degenerative. But the illness is so complex and opinions so varied, who knows. And the research articles (if they really mean anything) conclude that we have a much shorter life span than non BP individuals. But to directly answer your question, it has gotten more difficult to deal. There is no benefit of 'experience' in dealing with issues. If anything, it might be worse because i've experienced so many episodes I know how bad and ugly it will get and the awareness i might not make it through the pain. When i was younger, i fought it more and didn't realize it is always with us, and it is always in control. It isn't a 'separate' part of me. That will offend many people, but it rules our minds even when we think we're fine.
  11. metformin? helps with the weight issues from latuda and increase the dose for a great case of nausea. you won't eat.
  12. it gets worse with age (for me).it doesn't get easier "with experience"!. i fought the good fight when i was younger but coping after years and years wears me down. it always wins. i read a long time ago that it takes about 11 years for a person to accept the bipolar diagnosis. it has been about 11 years and i'm fully aware now how it permeates my thinking all of the time. we're never free.
  13. I mispoke with my question. I'm not going to take a dosage without consulting my pdoc. I'm trying to educate myself better because we were in disagreement about the dosage during my last visit. I don't believe they are equal from a logical position and personal experience. This was the first time in many years that I really challenged him on his conclusion. It irritated me greatly because I saw it as a case of a pdoc not understanding what it is like taking these drugs and how they effect us.
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