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  1. My memory is horrid, and sometimes my dreams cross over into reality. I recently got into an argument with a person because I thought they said something when really it was just an extremely vivid dream.
  2. Brilliance and madness is an infinite sadness..

  3. I talked to a few other members and they appear to be having the same issue. I hear the doorbell and the the door closing when people enter and leave but the "clicking" sound when people talk somehow has been disabled? Any ideas?
  4. One can really get used to anything...

  5. I've kicked it, its kicked me back, i've kicked it again. Its very much a cycle that you need to break. Stay away from anyone that even has the potential to get it for you, including any type of opiates or you'll fall back into the "habit". Its nasty both physically and psychologically (which i'm sure you already know). Expect the sweats, nausea, and vivid nightmares.. its just all part of the territory. The most important thing is you want to quit. That in itself, is going to be a huge part of your recovery. For me personally I looked at myself in the mirror one day and didn't like the reflection glaring back at me and that was that, i've unfortunately lost people in my life that weren't so lucky. Benzo's do help with withdrawal and as the above poster mentioned Suboxone is great. But with suboxone you have to be really careful or you'll be trading one addiction for another, and its not relatively cheap. The good part is you haven't been on it very long so coming off of it isn't going to be as difficult as a long term user. I'd recommend obtaining a strip and cutting it into 4-6 pieces. Take a small piece every day, that'll keep you from getting sick and help with craving. After your 6th day the physical side effects from coming off the drug should be subsiding if not completely gone, and then just ride the rest out. IMO its the best way to do it, I have friends that have been on methadone and suboxone for years and are now addicted to them, so use it as a tool, not a substitution. You can get through this, lean on your BF for as much support as you can at this point. Take vitamin C, eat healthy if you can keep it down. And most of all, remember what you are fighting for....a better life.
  6. I just went through a pretty big med change and my Pnurse basically told me the same thing with the klonopin. I had recently been cutting back and she increased my dose to try to cut back on mania, so it definitely makes sense. I wouldn't be worried.
  7. I don't see why not. I gained 20 in two weeks on Zyprexa before they yanked me off. These AAPs can really alter our metabolism as well as our eating habits.
  8. Listen, you aren't entertaining me you are annoying me and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone with that. There are plenty of people here that offered you valuable information but you just choose to just be hard headed and go your own route. I'm sorry but reality checks hurt at times, i've been through plenty of them myself. And, I hate to tell you but there's a lot of people myself included that have read countless hours of information on bipolar and other mood disorders. Have taken countless number of meds, sought actual HELP from real THERAPISTS and Pdocs etc. So your "professionalism' means squat. And I don't need nor want your support, i've been on my fair share of medication, and I don't go IP just because I feel bad or want a vacation. That's not what its meant for. I wish you the best of luck, but I don't want to be contacted by you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be PMed by you. And I have every right to ignore you. I'm actually sorry I even responded to this post because nothing "sank in" anyway. It just turned into a redundant, overly stretched conversation that lead to know where. But if anything re read some of the responses. They are extremely "Real" and helpful. People don't have to put their life stories out there for anyone, yet they do, value that opinion. Don't simply cut it down because it doesn't meet your mold.
  9. Get a life because we don't want to justify what you are doing? Because we are telling you the truth? Why whine like a child? Is that part of the Diagnosis criteria. I "Take risks" when i'm manic, does that mean I should go rob a bank and and say... "Oh hold on guy's i'm bipolar! It's ok!" People don't sugar coat things here, so maybe this isn't a site for you. My life is pretty horrendous right now, maybe I should join a sex site to spice it up, any suggestions? -smirks-
  10. You should take a good hard look in the mirror. You had an affair on your husband, that obviously messed him up. People don't just "bounce back" from those kinds of things easily. I'm sure he's extremely self conscious, so when you sign up for a sex site what is supposed to think? In fact, what were you thinking? Yeah, "hyper sexuality" can exist but that doesn't take the place of the brain where common sense supposedly occurs. You have to own up to your mistakes and want to change. I've messed up a lot of relationships from my actions. Key Word MY ACTIONS not solely because of bipolar. One person can only take so much betrayal and hurt until they hit the ground running.
  11. I've been on lithium for several months now. And i've also been on a ton of unsuccessful combos with no real relief, so I definitely feel your pain. I will say this, lithium for me takes away any type of suicidal ideation. I'm still extremely depressed and have other things going on that it doesn't touch. But for me, that alone is huge because I get a lot of it. What's your level? That could make a difference as well. I'm currently at a .6 but will be raised to a .8 on tuesday. So i'm hoping for the best. Hang in there, I know its a royal pain.
  12. I had a therapist once (and I totally believe in this theory) that CBT is completely useless if you don't have any form of stability. Its like telling a man with a broken leg to go run a marathon. Yeah, the thought sounds great... but its just not going to happen.
  13. This one would be good too. http://www.sherv.net/smiley.slap-emoticon-572.html
  14. I lost an amazing woman, a great career, my intellect, and my sense of humor. I do hope that possibly getting on "stable" ground again I might be able to reclaim some of the things I lost. But everythings so up in the air.
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