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About grousemouse

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  1. Pretty good. Finally went to the dentist (after about 10 years) and after getting a root canal and crown (some months ago) I got a cleaning. It was only half done after an hour cos it's been so long, but I'll get the rest done in the new year. The dental crew knew I'm an alcoholic and don't seem to be too judgemental, but you never know. At this point in my addiction I have no pride. But I have a lot of shame.
  2. I made my mum pee her pants today. I used my powers of wit after dinner and her and my sister couldn't stop laughing. My mum had to change her pants but my sister made it through okay. I like making people laugh and occasionally I nail it somehow.
  3. Thanks for letting me know! I have no idea where this will appear. I don't understand which posts go where.

  4. wow. thanks for responding people. thank you. and yes, i certainly do feel like i suck. life does anyway. my avoidance of relationships is based on deep anxiety and fear of pain (i am a total wimpso), but also the depression plays a large part. my self-esteem doesn't seem to exist - that'll be the depression which stems from anxiety, which kind of killed me in a way. haven't had a job in over 10 years and live with my folks. i have found therapists strangely useless on the relationship topic and i haven't sought treatment for alcoholism yet. my most recent pdoc suggested hobbies so i got into guns and motorbikes - i don't think that's what he had in mind though. lol. anyway, both fell by the wayside. i do coach soccer though so that gets me out of my comfort envelope. (no, i am NEVER intoxicated while in that role). my opinion of myself is bad so the thought of exposing my self to others (romantically) is horrifying to me. it's a classic depression scenario i think. I don't have a problem with empathy at all, in the sense that I feel a great deal of empathy towards others, particularly those who are suffering. that's something i learned about myself as i got older. i used to be like a walmart greeter here back in the day. thanks all for your input. grouse.
  5. i realize that this is a thread about relationships, but this is a post about an absence of romantic relationships. i Did some reading and am trying posting here. i'm late forties, male, with either major depression or bipolar ii (treated and medicated years ago). I had a three week relationship when I was 19 at a french immersion school, then I kissed a girl while drunk (her too) at a party when about 23. Had a several month online relationship with a 21 year old while i was 32 in which I think i fell in 'love' with her but she explored a physical relationship with a friend, so that ended. that's my experience with romantic relationships. still a virgin. any thought of a relationship I internally dismiss because of my mental issues and history. when i was younger i wanted to have a big family but those hopes are I think gone. i am middle aged, a mental illness and addiction (alcoholic). i'm not suicidal but i just don't see a future on my current path. in a fairly deep depression right now which is why i'm reaching out. curious to know if anyone has romantic relationship problems like me and has any suggestions. i didn't notice a thread on this topic but then again i didn't really look. if there is one may an admin please punt it in that direction. thanks, grouse.
  6. Recently, when whipping down my boxers for a sit-down toilet visit the elastic band caught on my lower-most roll of fat for a moment. After I'd pushed down far enough the elastic sprang free and thwacked down at my tadger with an almighty smack. Synapses fired, valves released and I didn't have to go anymore. Anywhere.
  7. fairly content. did electrical work at my sister's place (very simple stuff) and I enjoyed it so now I'm thinking of volunteering with an electrical company for a month to pick up some basic skills.
  8. a couple of young girls absolutely smitten with my niece's chihuahua/wiener dog rescue dog. we were on a walk and they couldn't leave her alone. she is a complete princess and loves everybody - impressive because she was rescued from a high-kill shelter in texas by a woman running a charity there. her nickname is 'princess' because she kind of is one.
  9. Thanks Gearhead. I just had the final crown put on and now I feel invincible. I'm even going to schedule a cleaning next week. Having gone for so long without dental care (partly me, partly financial) I thought that my dentist would be reluctant to take me in - like so many doctors don't accept new patients - but he was cool and accepted me in right away.
  10. Got my final crown today. After avoiding the dentist for the last twelve years I am so happy to be back in the fold, getting a root canal and crown, and soon a cleaning.
  11. We picked the Early Mac apples today and stuck them in my bedroom downstairs because it's nice and cool. So now my room smells like box after box of fresh apples - perhaps an overlooked therapy for my depression?
  12. Bloody brilliant. A visit to the dentist for a root canal and reassurance on my other old teeth and I feel great. After visiting the dentist I feel ready to approach other doctors with my other physical ailments.
  13. I'm so happy! After 12 years I finally went to the dentist and got a root canal on an infected tooth. I put it off for so long because I can't open my mouth for very long before I have to throw up - I assume this is a result of my drinking but I don't really know. Because of this I decided I could no longer go to the dentist. Anyway, I had tons of pain and it finally got infected and my face swelled up and my family made me go get it fixed. What a relief! Not only for getting the tooth fixed but also for facing my fears and getting it done. The form I had to fill out asked if I had any medical conditions that the dentist should know about so I wrote down "Alcoholism". That's the first time I've ever told a medical professional about my drinking. After I handed the form in to the receptionist I had an anxiety attack, my heart was pounding so hard and I was sweating like crazy. I wanted to take the form back and change it but I didn't. The dentist asked about my drinking because it might affect the anesthetic they gave me and I looked him in the eye and we discussed it - this was fight or flight territory for me. But everything turned out fine in the end and I'm waiting to get a crown put on. I almost can't wait to go in again and get a cleaning done! This'll sound stupid but I somehow feel like I'm part of society again in a little way. With my bipolar and drinking I've always felt like a ghost around people, barely interacting and being instantly forgotten when I do. I didn't expect it at all, but this was therapy for me. grouse
  14. Hi, I'm grousemouse, Was on the boards such a long time ago. Thought I'd start my recovery here and introduce myself. Been drinking for the last 23 years. I'm diagnosed as major depression or type two bipolar (because I cycle up and down like a bugger). I started to drink to self-medicate about 20 years ago, but it didn't work. So I sought a tdoc plus group and it helped for so long, but by then I was long-addicted to alcohol. So, thought I'd say hi and start my ascent out of this hell hole. Cheers.
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