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otherwise the curved

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About otherwise the curved

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    New York
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    Reading, writing, traveling, translating. Art. Nature. Everything from obscure literature to paperback mystery novels.
  1. I've come off of all of them, but I've never taken them together like you are. That seems like quite a cocktail to me. I'd say, look for a doctor with a sliding scale. I've managed to find that in times when I've had no insurance. You're on too many meds for me to feel comfortable offering even theoretical advice, and I usually don't care that much about rules. I really think you need a professional opinion. otc
  2. Well...that sounds a little far-fetched to me. But my pdoc recommended fish oil, and I saw very quick improvement in my overall well-being--but I'm not dealing with psychosis, just unresponsive MDD. I was on Adderall, and it was burning me out, and fish oil helped within about a week (usually, nothing does). Given that, the supplement might help your anxiety. I deal with that a lot and did feel better on fish oil. If I were you, I'd buy some and give it a try. I doubt that it will solve all of your/my/anyone's problems, but my pdoc recommended it and NAC, and I saw quick improvement from the fish oil. Hope this helps, otc
  3. I would suggest visualization, cheesey though it sounds. If I were you, I'd fill myself with as much hope as possible and visualize the flash with all your senses, as clearly as you can. Picture it in some calming color for you, smelling like something good (even though it actually won't smell) and tasting like something. Yeah, I'd revel in the idea of that flash and visualize it as much as possible beforehand, because it's going to do you a lot of good, and the more you can imagine about it, the less scared you might be. otc
  4. I don't think diet is everything, but my depression was easier to manage after I switched from being a vegetarian to a meat eater. Granted, I'm still definitely depressed. No doubt about THAT. However, I have to say that my body does better with more animal protein, and I don't eat red meat often, but my body is always steadier when I do. For me, switching from a veggie to an all-purpose diet helped, but I'm still tremendously depressed. Even so, I wouldn't go back to being all-veggie, simply because my mood definitely seems better if I have access to more protein. And I never have to diet anymore, after struggling to maintain my weight on a veggie diet. That's just my chemistry, though. Other people probably have different experiences. otc
  5. Hi apetastical, I've never been denied Wellbutrin because of my ED past. The drug's never done much for me at all, but doctors never hesitated to prescribe it. otc
  6. Gosh, thanks, everyone. I'm bad at computer stuff, but I might try a blog. I don't think I'll get to be on it for very long, but it's sort of a last-ditch effort, as far as my current doctor is concerned (since I don't want ECT). Velvet Elvis, if you're around, how does ketamine react with alcohol? I'm not a heavy drinker, but I usually drink some. I'm surprised the hospital didn't tell me about it when I spoke with them on the phone. Thanks, otc
  7. Awhile ago, somebody posted about reading an article about using ketamine as an antidepressant. I crashed badly the weekend of the 10th and ended up in the ER (accidentally, not a suicide attempt). At my pdoc's suggestion, I contacted a medical institution about participating in a clinical trial of ketamine. I've been pre-approved and am going for a two-hour appointment tomorrow to talk. If that goes well, I'll be moved off of my current meds (which aren't working, anyway) and get to try ketamine for a couple of weeks. If you're curious, I'll let you know how it goes. For the record, I have refractory depression, probably of the unipolar variety, and I've been on every drug combination anyone can think of for this diagnosis, except for MAOIs. Please keep your fingers crossed. otc
  8. Wellbutrin has the best reputation, but it completely depends on the person. I'm taking Pristiq, and my sex drive hasn't dropped (and it usually disappears with most anti-d's). otc
  9. I'd rather marry someone who could empathize in some way with my situation, too. But some people who technically aren't mentally ill are really good at empathizing, and crtclms is right--people with other conditions might be able to see your point of view, as well. And what's "mentally ill," anyway? I mean, I'm treated for bad depression and AM mentally ill, technically, but no one would ever guess it, because I have a fancy-sounding job and seem really "normal" in "real life." Maybe your parents are thinking "mentally ill" with a very narrow definition. To me, it makes sense to want to be with someone who can see what life is like for you--but it doesn't have to be someone who manifests in exactly the same way you do. Or it could just be somebody really empathetic. otc
  10. Do you have to see yourself as either compassionate OR cold? Most people don't look good without hair. Maybe you are literal, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily completely cold, either. My dad is really brilliant but seems to have almost no natural compassion at all. I'm one of those bleeding-heart types. After my mom passed away, he sort of learned to fake compassion, because he loves us; he just can't really empathize with us. We appreciate his efforts, and really, they've helped a lot. I don't know. The world needs all kinds of people. If you make people uncomfortable (as he did), you might want to learn to fake it enough to get by, just like those of us who are completely emotional have to learn to go the other way. But there's nothing inherently wrong with not liking babies or puppies or shaved heads. If you need compassion, fine. So do I. So does my dad, in his way. And give back what you can. It doesn't need to be in kind, you know? otc
  11. Yeah, me, too. My PTSD is from cultish stuff and sex abuse, but I barely remember most of it anymore. There are definitely people here who know about flashbacks of many kinds. My weirdest and most recent (I've never told anyone this) was at what I thought was a one-night stand, which I never, ever have. Midway through, I was absolutely certain that I was an eight-year-old boy performing exactly the same act, unwillingly. I'm glad that the most difficult of your flashbacks are over. I hate the embarrassing kind. I don't even know that that is, precisely, except that my flashback probably falls into that category. It hurt, anyway. Here, you can emote or not, and people seem to pretty much stick with you, either way. I've never seen anything like it. otc
  12. Hey, welcome. Did Lamictal give you rashes? I got them a bit and finally quit. I've been on almost everything, too. I'm a very highly functioning, very depressed something-or-other. We're bigger than this--I agree. And you'll find some really interesting, smart people here. Glad you joined. otc
  13. Hi there, Take a deep breath. You're okay. Please don't worry about your family background. It's alright. People screw up with money all the time. Your problem is pretty simple, in the whole scheme of things. You've done nothing wrong. Most of this account shut-down stuff happens automatically, by computer. It's happened to me, even when I've had plenty of money in the bank. It doesn't mean that you've failed at anything. Here's what I suggest. Tomorrow morning, collect the following: 1. A picture ID 2. Proof that you live where you live now (like a bill of any kind or your lease or anything else you received in the mail) 3. Proof that you get SSI/SSDI benefits (anything printed with your name and address on it) 4. Your checkbook or a statement from your bank 5. The contact information (especially a telephone number) for your old property management company 6. Proof that you left your old apartment, if you have it (if you don't, it's alright) Please go personally to your bank and ask to sit down with a customer service representative. If you live in a big city, you might see a counter with someone sitting at a desk first, but the customer service agents who can really help you usually have offices with chairs. If anyone asks you what it's about, say, "An accidental overdraft, and I'd like to clear it up." When you sit down with the agent, explain the whole thing, just like you did here. Maybe the agent can help you call the old property management company, or maybe the bank has a form letter that it can send. Either way, it's not your problem. All you need to explain the situation to the bank and ask the person there what you can do to make it right. Then write back to us and tell us what the person says. But I can tell you with confidence that this is an honest mistake, and it's small potatoes, in the whole scheme of things. It's big to you, and you need to clear up the situation by explaining it to the bank in person with the documents I suggested. But in all the world, this isn't fraud. Please just collect the documents (whatever you have of the above) and go to the bank tomorrow. That will be a big, big start in fixing this. otc
  14. I'll think about this more later--I have to rush to work. But I had to tell my dad (who has no emotional problems, ever) that I wanted to kill myself back when I was 20, so I have an idea about what awkward conversations feel like. It sounds like your therapist (and even your mom) will be a lot of support. As far the marks, I'm a big fan of faked nonchalance. Yes, you cut yourself. You're dealing with it. No hiding it, no shame, no stammering around. It's your business, not the other two people's, so I'd just look them right in the eye and pretend that you're totally okay with being in your bathing suit on vacation. In fact, I'd even be up front about it, because I don't like the feeling of people walking on glass around me and maybe talking behind my back. But both of our answers are the same, really: Do whatever will give you the most protection so that you can have a fun, restful vacation. If it's faked nonchalance, fake it. If it's a quiet third-party discussion, set it up. It sounds like your mom will help you, either way. Hey, and congratulations for facing all of this. You're doing great. otc
  15. I didn't take it regularly enough to know, but my pdoc recommends it strongly--he takes it himself--and he's one of those Ivy League docs who keeps winning awards. He suggested I take it in addition to the prescribed meds, as a supplement. I keep meaning to get back to it....
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