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kateislate

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About kateislate

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  1. ^ OMG This. Just the fact that the technology exists is going to make a lot of people paranoid if they hear about it. Let alone knowing it's in a pill you take. My CPAP (breathing machine) for sleep apnea monitors my "compliance" and sends my data out every day to my doctor, my CPAP supplier, and the manufacturer. My doctor has to report my "compliance" to the insurance company, who will stop paying for it if I'm not "compliant" enough on the grounds that if I'm not using it enough, it must not be "medically necessary." I find it invasive and infuriating. If this were done with medications I'd want to stop taking them altogether just to have my privacy. And the "medical necessity" argument by the insurance company is totally bogus. If someone's not using something that they should for their health, it doesn't mean it's not "medically necessary," it means, if anything, that an effort should be made to get the person to use the CPAP (or take their meds), not have the option totally taken away from them. But that's the way it's going to go.
  2. Absolutely - I've had ups and downs my entire life and burned Bridges, etc. Last time I just didn't work for five years and had to explain that to prospective employers coming back. I found an entry level job and worked my way back. The important thing though is not repeating the same mistakes. Get yourself intensive therapy while you're starting out so that you don't become a mess again and underperform or whatever. Because if the pressures of working or dealing with people were part of what derailed you, they will still be there when you go back.
  3. Those are two amazing, wise posts by Tryp. Give them a good listen.
  4. I don't think medical transcription has much of a future. But there should be entry level part time healthcare jobs i had one of those once.
  5. I know how you feel. I'm 300 lbs and I feel weird posting here because, even though I see an eating disorder specialist, I don't technically have an eating disorder. Not even BED. I just eat for comfort impulsively and compulsively and can't seem to make myself eat healthy and exercise. I also feel weird waiting in the waiting room of my ed therapist because I feel like I'm her other patients' worst nightmare. I wonder if people i this forum would feel that way too.
  6. Have you thought about acting on this worry in some productive way, like designating a healthcare proxy or working on a living will to specify what you want done in different end of life circumstances? Or just talking with your family? I'm not saying you can 100% control whether you will suffer before you die, but you can certainly take steps to plan and increase the odds that you don't suffer unnecessarily or that things go more how you'd want them to.
  7. I'm sorry but I don't see this as a good thing. Having had long-term depression and having felt hopeless for a long time. And having gotten better anyway. Feeling that way is part of the illness, but I don't think you can know that any depression is hopeless. It's just not one of those illnesses that's predictable that way. I think it sends absolutely the wrong message to people who are struggling with chronic depression. It confirms an idea that their illness makes them prone to believe that is just as likely untrue as not. I believe in death with dignity, but in cases that are truly hopeless, not in cases of depression.
  8. Whoever told you that is ignorant. BPD is a disorder and it's very treatable. Which begs the question - who told you that?
  9. Oh for me it's all the ways people minimize anxiety disorders like they're no big deal. "Everyone has anxiety."
  10. I went through a long period of obsessing I was a narcissist and other times a psychopath and at other times just plain evil and it was all diagnosed as OCD. So I relate to what you wrote a whole lot. I sort of have things back in perspective with a lot of meds and therapy. But that period wasn't all for nothing. The time I spent scrutinizing myself so closely really did help me see ways in which I was selfish and these are things I still work on. Because the truth is when you look at yourself through the lens you're looking through now you're going to see all sorts of things that you're not proud of ... maybe some that you're deeply ashamed of. Some of those things are going to be "narcissistic" - because we're all partly narcissists. But it doesn't mean you're a bad person...it means you're a human being, a work in progress. Also, the term "narcissist" is the insult du jour, and in most people's usage doesn't really mean much more than "bad." I won't go into the history, but the tracts about NPD you read on the internets are almost all bogus, and should be ignored. So in part you're getting worked up over comparing yourself to a construct that may not even mean very much in reality. If you find you've done something selfish, then don't beat yourself up or panic over what that might mean. Feel glad that you noticed it, which gives you the opportunity to make amends, understand what happened, and do better in the future. Truly, nothing else matters.
  11. It may be that she really is angry. Or intending to drop you. But more likely is that she's trying to take a different tack and implement consequences when you don't show, to try to push you to show. To make a point that your time to talk with her and get your meds renewed is at your appointment, and not between appointments. Where I work people get discharged by their pdoc or therapist if they no show 3 times. That's a common practice, and practically by definition all of those people are mentally ill and many are anxious, depressed, disorganized or otherwise have difficulty getting to appointments. There still needs to be consequences for not showing. The doctor could be seeing someone else during that time, and you're not going to get better if you don't show. I think it's a good sign that you didn't get a letter discharging you from her practice. I assume that means she intends to keep working with you. Part of the issue is with anxiety, you really have to push through it to get better. Obviously exposure is an art, and it depends on how severe it is. But she may be wanting you to try to get to your appointment even when you're anxious and not waiting for the anxiety to go away before you leave the house or,get in the car. Has she ever talked with you about that? Also, do you have a therapist you can discuss all of this with?
  12. I've gone through Latuda withdrawal a few times with no problems except an eventual gradual return of symptoms. But the last time I stopped taking Latuda after six days I got incredibly nauseous, which may have been related. I took the Latuda again, anyway, and it went away.
  13. About 1/2 hour after taking Latuda I get a restless/dread feeling that I absolutely hate. It feels awful. The good thing about it is it doesn't prevent me from sleeping, so when I get that feeling I try to go to sleep and sleep through it. Because of that feeling, I now wake up in the middle of the night, take Latuda with some food and go back to sleep before the feeling hits. I'm fine in the morning. so it's a weird system, but it works. I've been taking Latuda for two years, so I was hoping it would fade but it hasn't. Otherwise Latuda has been a fantastic med for me. It has annihilated my suicidal thoughts and scary obsessions. It's like night and day. so, the only suggestion I have is to see if the restless feeling comes at a certain time in relation to taking the med, and if you can somehow time it so that it comes while you're sleeping.
  14. Just some thoughts: -- Reconsider therapy. It's a myth that if a depression is "medical" or "biological" only medicines or ECT can help. Talk therapy is highly effective regardless. If you haven't seen improvement in the past for your depression, consider trying another therapist or different type of therapy and give it a real go. Or many go's. I personally only saw real improvement with both medications and therapy simultaneously. One without the other is useless for me. -- If your doctors don't want to try med combos for a severe treatment resistant depression - then, yes, consider switching psychiatrists. -- You also might want to go to an academic medical center so you can be evaluated for comorbid disorders. Untreated anxiety disorders, personality disorders can be a major reason that a depression doesn't respond well to treatment. -- Make sure you're also evaluated thoroughly for other medical problems which can worsen, cause, or mimic depression. e.g. thyroid problems, sleep disorders... -- You're not likely to be hospitalized for chronic suicidal ideation (which I have too). It's not treated the same as an acute suicidal ideation, unless it's an acute worsening or something. -- They definitely don't have any magic cure in the hospital. At least my experience from when I was hospitalized was it was mainly a place to be somewhat safer while they change your meds. Some people feel better there - I had a miserable experience. Good luck, and don't get discouraged. Lots of people (like me) have gone for,years and decades with depression, thinking it would always be that way - but then the right combination of interventions gets tried and suddenly (or slowly) there's big improvement.
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