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About Unregistered

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    Shouting at the monkeys in the next tree

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    Ingerland, Yurp

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  1. Hmm, so a bit of an update. They tried a few different meds. Tramadol and I don't get on, it seems. Two tablets had an emergency ambulance crew looking at me and deciding if I needed hospitalization. Gabapentin just gave me a load of crappy side effects, and gabapentin and amitriptylene together were no better. I've been med free since August, but go t referred to a pain specialist on Friday last week and am just about to start pregabalin and nortriptyline. However, for the last 5 months, I have been vaping cannabidiol (CBD) with great success. I use about 15mg/day and it has a very rapid and very noticeable effect in terms of pain reduction and increased range of movement.
  2. I was here 11 years ago with a screwed up BP2 misdiagnosis, but that's ancient history. Now I'm back with neuropathic pain and colitis. Oh, the joys of being on meds again. Anyone else been around that long?
  3. Hmmm, I've been on 1800mg/day for about 3 weeks now, and not noticed any effects at all, sadly. I'd moan at the doc, but I have bigger fish to fry for now.
  4. Kinda. I went to the GP 15 months ago after suffering from neck/shoulder pain on and off for 15 years. Had an MRI and they confirmed degenerative damage between C4 and T2. I had a C7 nerve root block 12 days ago, which was fairly uncomfortable and has done nothing at all for the pain. I was taking 1000mg/day Naproxen, with omeprazole to stop it rotting my stomach out and amlodipine to stop it doing a number on my blood pressure. That didn't work, so they added in amitriptyline (no effect) and diazepam for muscle spasms. All with no effect, tbh. Now we've cut out the amitriptyline and diazepam and I'v just started on Gabapentin, so we'll see how that goes...
  5. Interesting comments about the difficulty of conducting double blind studies and the lack of funding as no-one can make big bucks. I do know there was a study into acupuncture a few years ago (in Germany, ISTR) where they either did it 'properly' or just stuck needles in at random. There was no statistical difference in outcome with equal numbers of patients from each group reporting benefits...
  6. Oh, yes, that was me, too. Doing anything to help people, just not doing stuff at home. I don't know why, maybe because if I did stuff at home it was taken for granted, but if I did something for others (even strangers), I felt like it was appreciated and noticed. I was desparate for sex, but wasn't getting any. It was withheld as a weapon. When we did make out, it was obvious (to me) it was a bargaining chip and so it became counterproductive. I really wanted her to get the same out of it that I did, but she wouldn't allow herself, for whatever reasons. Porn was an outlet, even though I didn't get "caught" like your DH did...
  7. Wow, you two have so much going for you, if I'm honest. This sounds so fixable. Things I learned: people have different communications styles and needs from a relationship. I know it's been done to death with the whole "Men are from Mars" thing, but a) it's true and b) not everyone is aware of it. A relationship goes icky when the communication breaks down, but the odd thing is that both parties may still feel they are communicating, but it's not having an effect. He wants X and you're giving him Y, and you need A and he gives you B. You're both giving, just not what the other person needs. That is really, really fixable, and the fact that you are talking about it and he has changed (saying goodbye in the morning, making you coffee etc) proves it is possible to fix. After 24 years of marriage, my wife and separated 4 months ago, having gotten into just this kind of situation, but what killed it was that both of us were bitter and resentful, but neither of us could ask for what we wanted (there were reasons for that, and we are addressing them). We're now talking, sharing wants and actively talking about me moving back in, so it is possible to fix something that's a lot more broken than your situation. So you are needy, and feel bad about having to ask for what should have been obvious to him? Big deal. Everyone's needy, and needing something from a partner is normal and healthy. End of. You had to ask, and you feel bad about that? Why? Is he a mind reader? In his own way, he may have been doing everything he could think of to give you what he thought you wanted/needed. It's just that we tend to assume everyone else wants what we want. He shows love/affection through sex, not through other little gestures, so it's perfectly natural for him to assume you work the same way, and that won't ever change until you tell him different. There are loads of resources out there on the subject, you just need to find the right one and introduce him to it the right way. Depending on how close you are at the moment, you might want to look at Sensate Focus Therapy as a way to reconnect physically that makes you feel wanted not used. You might want to go buy the game Nookii, if you're at the stage where you're ready for that, or you might want to start with some of the online communication style questionnaires and compare results as a starting point. Hell, sign up on plentyoffish.com and do the relationship needs questionnaires there, just make sure you both agree to do it together, and delete your profiles afterwards, otherwise there's no end of room for misunderstanding about one or other of you looking to play away. Grab this opportunity with both hands!
  8. Forget about movies as an idea - how are you going to get to know someone sat next to them in the dark for two hours not speaking? Go for coffee, or if it's a group thing, which may be less intimidating, then go bowling or something like that. If the coffee works out, then a meal maybe. BTW, try not to ask closed questions - ones that can be answered with a 'yes' or 'no': "Would you like to go for a coffee at lunchtime tomorrow?" - BAD "I know a great coffee bar I go to most lunchtimes; I'd love it if you could join me there some time. When would be good for you?" - GOOD
  9. Colin, while I wasn't negative about therapy, I was very sceptical. My only experience had been three sessions of couples therapy a few years ago, which went disastrously wrong. So when I went on my own a couple of years later it was more in hope than expectation and I wasn't really surprised when he turned out to have no magic bullets for me. However, the act of going made me feel that I was in control of things and taking positive action. What he told me was stuff that I knew anyway (at least intellectually), but he 'forced' me to do it in practice (well, it would have been stupid to pay him and NOT do anything he said). Anyway, it worked, but like I said it was hard work and I learned that some people really can push against an open door... Overall, I got something out of it, but I agree that it's a complete lottery trying to find one who you will click with. I know I keep banging on about TA, but risk $10 and read this: http://www.amazon.com/Scripts-People-Live-Transactional-Analysis/dp/0802132103/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1296549728&sr=1-1. I personally wish I had read it before seeing a therapist, because it really gave me something to focus on. Good luck.
  10. The Brussel Sprout. Nothing so good could have evolved naturally, thereby proving the existence of a beneficent creator. Actually, I'm an evangelical agnostic: I go round the neighborhood knocking on people's doors and saying, "Well, I just don't know, what do you think?"
  11. Unregistered

    The Haiku Game

    And a seasonal reference, too, I think if you're being strict about them, as well as a 'cutting word' that breaks the stream of thought and is usually at the end of one of the three lines. Elegant Haiku Burst forth as I type online; Serene formal verse. (the seasonal reference can be indirect - "bursting forth" implies Spring)
  12. Colin, the reasons to see a therapist are many. I went to try to learn new ways of communicating, because everything I had tried to that point clearly hadn't worked. Anna wrote that if one person changes their behaviour, the other one has to - they can't keep pushing at an open door - and she's right. However, I found that while it worked, it was very hard work for me. If I was nice, she was nice; if I was nasty, she was nasty; but if I was neutral (because it was hard work being consciously nice 24x7), then she defaulted to nasty. I also learned a bit about myself. We didn't explore that too much at the time, but it was the first clue that eventually led me to a breakthrough. Interestingly, Anna also commented on another thread: "The pattern of being with dysfunctional guys is an odd one. I tend to look at it like we all have 'antennas' that we wave around, unintentionally, and pick up on each other's patterns." That is significant for me. I'm heavily into Transactional Analysis just now (in fact I'm starting a psychology degree) and one of the things that is core to it is the idea of scripts, and that fact that you can only play your script with the right partners (ones with complementary scripts). I was beginning to break out of mine, but she was still locked into hers unconsciously and unaware of it. The breakthrough that all this led to for me was the realisation that neither of us could ask for what we wanted. For me, it really was a physical thing: I knew I had to ask, but it felt like something was physically sitting on my chest, preventing me from getting the words out. I saw my wife last night, and for the first time in years when she asked me what I was thinking I actually managed to tell her what I wanted. It feels like baby steps, but they're going in the right direction. So seeing a therapist for me was possibly the step that started me off on a long journey (most of it without the help of a therapist) that taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted and needed, and how I communicated. From my wife's side, it took a severe illness to bring her to the first realisation that everything was not right on her side, but ultimately we didn't make any progress on the relationship until a couple of months after I moved out. Now we are much closer than before in many ways, because we realise how similar we were, why we were attracted to each other in the first place and also why we ended up the way we did. We are still living apart, but trying to work on the next step and rebuild the trust enough to think about me moving back. Good luck, whatever you do.
  13. Unregistered

    The Haiku Game

    Haiku should have three lines of five, seven and five syllables; no more Haiku should mention a season as well in one line, if possible Which obviously will make them harder to write in the winter time My favourite was from a thread that ran here a million years ago, where the last poster named the subject for the next to write about. I got given 'rednecks': Summer evenings bring Too many banjos. Sadly Not enough surnames
  14. So to go back to the OP... I haven't been around here for a year or three, since I got undiagnosed and off all meds, but that's another story. What struck me was the similarites here with my life. Here goes. Married for nearly 25 years, and I'm 48 this year. Two kids, 15 and almost 17. Wife told me some while ago that she "loved me but wasn't in love with me" and that she hadn't felt anything for me for maybe 15 years. Sex had been increasingly rare over that time, and then pretty much stopped entirely. I lived in the spare room for three years, she told me if I wanted sex that much I should have an affair (but I didn't/wouldn't), we agreed to separate several times. Each time, as I was ready to move out, it was all a big mistake, big reconciliation, whe would try harder, everything would be all right, come to bed. And we'd make love. Sometimes, we'd even make love again the same week, but usually not, and things would slide back to the way they were. Eventually the stress, emotional isolation and everything else started to make both of us ill. I moved out three months ago and rented a small house. It feels like crap when I'm lonely, but I try to keep busy. And after two months of her not even talking to me after I left, we started to talk again. I'd been reading some Transactional Analysis books and mentioned something to her in an email, and it struck a chord. It's been as rough as hell, and is far from fixed, but it forced her to look at her own life and a couple of clues from TA have made her realise a lot of what was going on in her head over the last 30 years. She was venting at home one night, complaining about how I always behaved (I wasn't there, obviously), and the kids got frustrated and told her that I hadn't been like that for years. It stopped her in her tracks. Anyway, she sent me a message recently: "...I want you to come home. I want to treat you like you are special to me, because you are. That means I want to share my body with you too..." Now, after 15 years or more of being 'strung along' I have some big trust issues to deal with here, but we've spoken about them and agreed to risk it. We're 'dating' again. So what's my point? Dunno. For us, separating allowed us to get away from the situation and look at it objectively, and in her case to learn a little about herself. There's a long way to go but I'm optimistic. For my money, you need to get some distance from this situation, but stay in contact and see if she can work out why she feels she wants nothing more than to be a mother. Try Googling for Eric Berne and "waiting for rigor mortis" or Claude Steiner and "old mother hubbard". They really hit home for my SO...
  15. Oh, not logged in here for an age, but having finally shaken off a BP2 dx I would certainly appear to be alexythmic. I fit most of the criteria and on the assessment scale, I'm waaayyy up the bellcurve. In fact, on one set of EIQ questions I scored so low I though the calcs had failed. I was bottom .001 centile. There's a very interesting group on Google groups devoted to it: http://groups.google.com/group/exchange-forum?hl=en
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