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About jjk

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    Music, food, reading, playing with my 4 year old daughter
  1. Well, I was working with my pdoc on reduction from 15 mg down to 5mg with the intent to get off the Saphris (it never really seemed to do anything for me other than make me sleep through anything, fire alarms and barfing kids included). I was at 5 mg for 5 weeks, but unable to see pdoc because she is out of the office the only day of the week I have available (I travel for work). I had almost no impacts from reducing dosages, figured the last bit would be painless as well. NOT. I was frankly surprised, although in retrospect it makes more sense; I remember back more than a year ago when I first started on Saphris I felt like I was having a psychotic episode for the first 24 hours or so, and then it settled down and went away. Dosage increases didn't bring that feeling at all, so I guess it is logical that dosage Decreases / cutoff would mirror the startup. So now I am in the market for a new pdoc with more reasonable hours and then will go through the cycle with him/her.
  2. Tooladdict, I have just started the same thing that you did, tapering down from 15 mg of Saphris to 5 mg, and now trying to get rid of that last 5 mg. Stopped taking it last night. Had tremors, hot/cold flashes, insomnia. not fun at all. Woke up this morning and tried looking up withdrawal symptoms for Saphris and found the following: - Insomnia - Low-grade fevers - Cold and hot flashes - Cold sweats - Diarrhea - Mild heart palpitations - Light-headedness - Feeling "out of body" - Tremors - Confusion - Nausea - Fatigue - Anxiety Also read from someone else that the effects lasted as long as 3 weeks. I'm going back on mine, can't deal with all that right now!
  3. OK, so I'm curious and thought I'd ask. I have bipolar I and GAD. I am also an atheist, and one of the reasons I'm an atheist is because of my "problems". So I thought I'd ask... where do you fall in the whole God vs. No-God spectrum? How do you reconcile your belief structure with your MI? I'm seriously hurting right now from the depression-state blues and have been influenced to try praying etc. and just have a basic functional problem with it: if there is an intercessionary god, why the heck am I stuck being nutso? Your thoughts are appreciated.
  4. Great stuff, folks. Thanks for the tips. BP is new to my life, and I still can't "internalize" it... love the idea of NOT internalizing it. I'm not Bipolar, I HAVE Bipolar.
  5. Wow, it is scary how much that sounds like me. Happy for myself is maybe not much of an option, but at least I can keep from making other people horribly scarred.
  6. abitcrazy, I've been on the testosterone gel in the past (before MI diagnosis), and it did some funky stuff to my moods, so keep an eye on yourself. It sounds stereotypical, but it gave me "roid rage", rapid mood swings, all the good fun stuff. My new edoc is suggesting that I go back on it, and I'm iffy. Good for you that it wasn't a tumor! I remember how scary hearing the same thing was for me.
  7. Hi Anna! Know your probs with the med sensitivity, hope this one sticks for you. Sometimes it just takes getting to the right one.
  8. Thanks, all, I'm glad that I'm here. Rise, thanks for the complement... not sure that I'm accepting it yet, but definitely grappling!
  9. Yesterday I found the board while looking up side effects from a new med, and haven't been far from it since, reading and reading and reading. I intro'd myself briefly in a post I made yesterday, but I feel like doing this for real. So, I'm new. I've never done this before, and when I say "this" I mean: 1. Joined a board, 2. Joined a support group, 3. Let anyone know anything private about myself. No Groups, no nothing. Don't even talk about it with my wife much since I don't want to burden her with my problems. So why now? I guess that's why I'm writing this intro. I'm 39, have a wife, a kid (whom I adore), a great job at which I excel (I am a consultant project manager, selling and running pretty large scale projects) and have everything in control. I have a very, very, very, VERY hard time admitting to myself that I am also MI, fairly recently diagnosed, with ongoing diagnosis changes, and probably have been my whole life but never sought help. Except for 2 or 3 breakdown points in the past, I've always managed to keep it together, keep the facade up that I have control over everything going on around me, and only one of those breakdowns was bad enough that I acted on it, and the only action was to run away from life rather than actually active execute any type of self harm as I was thinking, and that was 15 years ago. So I've GOT it, right? Screw the world, I'm able to hold up my end. I'm admitting to myself indirectly by admitting it to you anonymous friends out there that I HAVEN'T got it. I'm fucking frightened to death that someone (including my wife) is going to see through my false front to the pathetic me that I feel like is hiding behind that front. I have to come to grips with admitting my problems. My "problems" are these: About a year ago, I was "depressed" for a good bit over 6 or 7 months. Angry, sharp, bitingly sarcastic (I do that one really well), mopey, bitchy, mean. Also, regular panic attacks (multiple daily), regular minor panic incidents (many many daily). My wife finally managed to get me to go see a Psych Doc, which I had resisted my entire life, since I've got control (also have a BS in Psychology hahahaha a BS in BS). I was diagnosed a little over a year ago with General Anxiety Disorder. Scrip for Celexa and Xanax, come back every month to check up. Xanax did a fantastic job of getting rid of those panic attacks. Between regular dosing and then spot pills for when a panic attack happened, I was cruising. Doc put me on extended release Xanax, which made me feel a bit better since it has less of a "junkie" feeling about it (I was starting to watch the clock when taking my Xanax, like "can I take one yet? can I take one yet?" that scared the pants off me... I was in control, so no drug is going to be in control of me!). So I was OK, I could deal with having a panic disorder. No biggy, daily pills, don't have to admit anything to anyone, I was back in control. Life got better. Shitty job felt less shitty when I wasn't having to hide 3 panic attacks a day, you know? Still pretty down in general, still lots of rapid mood swings, overreacting to stuff, but I had control. I even found a new job, and we moved 5 states away to a NICE place rather than one of the most depressing places in the US to live. Moving meant, of course, a new doc. Picked one almost at random from the selection from my insurance co, went to see her and (let me tell you, she is a PURE pdoc, no light therapy from this one like the previous one) her reaction was "wow you take a lot of Xanax (it was like 3 mg / day in total) and it still isn't doing anything for your mood problems. We need to think about something else". Which actually I was thinking too, because I was no longer feeling cool inside, I felt like a fucking mess. Cycling mood swings, sleeping less, hit with insomnia again (boy do I hate that). She decided to move me off Xanax to Klonopin. Did that for a month, didn't like it as much, but it kept the panic attacks away. It did allow a bunch of the rest of my issues to show up again, probably they were hidden under a bath of Xanax. So we added Abilify. Did that for 1 month, hated it... with Klonopin, Celexa, and Abilify I felt like I was back to before square one. Changed the mix, went back to Xanax XR and Celexa, and added Lamictal for mood control. Kind of liked that but 2 weeks on the dot into the Lamictal treatment I suddenly wake up with the rash-of-death covering 30% of my body. It turned out to NOT be the Stevens-Johnson Syndrome rash-of-death, but we dropped Lamictal, put me on Saphris, and here I am for 3 days now. So where I am now is still diagnosed GAD, suspected-and-probably-about-to-be-diagnosed BP (I think it is probably right), and that freaks me out. That is, like, for real, you know? I don't think that integrates well with my self image of being in control. I don't know what to do with that fact, and it scares me... I actually think I might be more scared of the fact that I don't know how to make BP fit as part of my puzzle than anything else. I feel like I am changing, and don't know what I'm changing to, and I also feel like I don't have fucking control over what I'm changing to, where, why, how I'm changing, etc. and I HATE that! So, my intro to you: I'm a crazy who is trying to assimilate what it means to be a crazy into my self image. I'm a control freak who has no control, and I don't exactly know what to do from here. You folks on the boards seem so honest, so maybe I can be too. Thanks for listening. :/
  10. Thanks. The akathesia was much less irritating last night, didn't slow down my being able to get to sleep. The saphris certainly helps on that front, too....
  11. So, I'm new to the board, which is both good and bad at the same time, isn't it? Short background - I'm sure everyone has to do this at least once, right? About 1 year ago my wife finally got me to go see a pdoc instead of just my idiot GP who had diagnosed me as Testosterone deficient rather than depressed, prescribed me Testosterone patches (and then a cream - I felt just like Barry Bonds except that I still couldn't hit a fastball) which was horrible as it incredibly intensified my mood swings, and then gave me a small prescription for Xanax to take when hit with a Panic attack. My pdoc immediately diagnosed me GAD, and prescribed regular Xanax + Celexa. It totally nuked my panic attacks, and everything else was better for a while... i shifted me over to Xanax XR and a small regular Xanax Rx for "just in case of panic attack" situations and it was pretty good, but I would still get occasional spazzy and angry, usually slept maybe half the night, etc. Then moved 5 states away for a fantastic new job, went to a new pdoc, she was concerned about the Xanax level I was on, and suggested that it might be a good idea to move to a different benzo, and she also listened where the first pdoc hadn't (probably helped that I was in a very depressed mood when I went to see her) about mood swings, and since then I've been on a medical rollercoaster. While always keeping the Celexa, went to Klonopin in place of the Xanax, and that was OK, but then we added Abilify and that made me like before I had ever taken anything. So she put me back on Xanax XR, and added Lamictal, which seemed nice until I got the rash-o-death (OK, it wasn't Stevens-Johnson-Syndrome, but she made me go to the ER just in case. Grrrr. 6 hours, $175 co-pay and a steroid shot in my butt later I was sent on my way with the rash that was covering roughly 30% of my body already starting to go away). So, bye-bye Lamictal, hello Saphris. My pdoc isn't saying to me that she thinks I'm BP, but she keeps saying things like "I might be going just a tiny bit off-label in prescribing this, but...." and "we really need to get under your mood changes" and "you shouldn't be having inappropriate overreactions to things like that if....". End background. I've never done this before, so sorry. I'm your typical self-starter, self-supported, self-sufficient, don't-need-no-help-from-nobody midwestern crazy... always figured it for myself but be damed if I was going to talk about it or try to get any help. Saphris: yum, tastes like artificial black-cherry flavored black-cherry syrup with pain mixed in. Wow, what a rush! About 1/2 hour after taking it it knocks me out like a zombie. And then the kicking starts! Nothing like being unable to fall asleep and unable to stay awake at the same time! So I found the board, and you all sound like my kind of people, so I figured I ask: Does the kicky-leg-disorder thing ever go away? Does the saphris have to build up in my system to work, 'cause right now it seems more a torture than a cure, knowwhamsaying?
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