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humblestudent

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About humblestudent

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    Woman
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    Melbourne Australia

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  1. hey everyone thank u for your replies was very insightful reading them... i think, slightly off topic, that its abit strange that when you tell a psychiatrist that you feel depressed the first thing they will tell you to increase meds or change it, but they don't ask you of anything else that's happend in your life? i have decreased my meds by half its dose and i feel abit aggitated... last night i realized what some of the comments on here is true... that being in a calmer and more eazy going state of mind is a new kind of normal and maybe even is a revealing of my true self... to be honest i snapped very eazily at my partner and i felt terrible... and i felt like my old self again... but i started to see how a relationship with me in that sort of a state would cause a relationship breakdown... or breakup for that matter...
  2. yeh.. the experience def stays... i think underneath it just kinda feel like i will never be like the majority. deep down i know that i am ill and i need the meds to find peace... but theres a fine line between peace and not giving a damn anymore... sometimes i confuse the two i guess.. its all about fitting into society norms tho isnt it?
  3. hey thanks Olga, Phoenix, Jt, Water and Gearhead what a lovely welcome wagon thanks everyone... @gearhead, i used to have a ratty... took her everywhere i went! she was the love of my life... when she passed away i couldnt bring myself to get another one... they are special lil creatures. and they dont smell bad like mices lol xoxoxo
  4. yeh i think i do agree... and my doc said that i am getting depressed so she is going to see how i go in a month and then if i'm still depressed she wants to increase this medication... i am also on an antidepressant and she has asked me to increase it in a week if i am still depressed.. then have to see how i am in a month and yeh the medication abilify will be increased. for 2 nights now i have been taking half of my usual dose.. i feel ok right now.. i think... and i think the word apathetic hits the nail on the head really... thanks for ur reply btw
  5. i want to take control of my life...

  6. gained about 45lbs on abilify... trying to use exercise to get rid of it... no idea if it works because the doctor told me that abilify might change and affect the body on a cellular level, and she has had people come to her sayin they have exercised and stuck with diets but with no weight loss...
  7. hello... i am a 31 years old woman living with bipolar1 disorder and lupus (systemic lupus erythematosis is an autoimmune illness that attacks the body's own organs, tissues, cells). i have been diagnosed with lupus since i was 17 and had it attack the brain and was hospitalised in the mental ward for 2 months when i was 19. that's when the psych meds started... after many unsuccessful attempts to be medicated, eventually abilify made its way into my life... i have been on it for 3 years and even tho i am grateful for it taking away the turbulance of moods and psychosis (from lupus) and mania etc, i feel resentful of it making me put on 20kgs... i have had weight issues most my life and body image issues most my life too so 20kgs is just unbearable. at the moment i am depressed and not very hopeful with my future. the psych doc said that there is no other choice but to take the medication because i react very badly to almost everything else... i major in psychology in a bachelor of arts.. but its too research oriented and i hate maths.. so when it comes to statistics and lab reports i just cringe. therefore i dont get good results and cannot go for higher education and fulfill my desire to help other people like myself struggling with mental illness. but i heard that i can take the next best thing which is masters in counselling. it will be more oriented towards community work and social work but i am hoping to have a chat with the co-ordinator and maybe get a better idea of it (in australia psychology and counselling are not the same thing.. you can't be a psychologist if your training is in counselling only but you can be a counseller if u are a certified psychologist.. go figure). other than that i havent touched my passion for music for a very very long time... i miss it and it always feels like a part of myself is missing... i find that with the abilify i am not so passionate with anything... i have 1 family member who is my mother, the rest are in another country and i dont talk to them at all... my other adopted family is my 2 bunny rabbits whom i love very very much... they are my babies. and i currently have 5 mice too. they like running on the wheel... lol i live in a city apartment funded by my mother... without her constant financial support i would sure to be on the streets. i have very few friends... but the tiny few are very loyal and long term friends. i have had a bf for almost 2 years now who is very very supportive and loving of everything i do. i like salsa dancing and latin music, balards, r n b (at least 90s r n b lol) and good singers and quality music. not that much of a fan of top 40s but sometimes a song catches my attention. i like horse riding but have not been for a very long time. i also like swimming and seeing movies... i used to like nature but there's too many bugs in it.. lol i like asian foods and have some intolerances... if i were to wish for anything for myself right now i would wish for a solid, reasonably paid career where i can feel some purpose to my life because atm i feel none... wishing everyone happy holidays and hope u'v have a great xmas and nye celebration to come xoxo
  8. for the last 6months or so i had been doing about 3hours average a week salsa dancing. its pretty physically demanding.. but because i hav a physical illness too its hard to actually do too much exercise because it will trigger a flare up.. i recently joined a gym so hopefully will increase my exercise to more than 4hours a week of aerobic classes, cross trainer machine exercise and some minor weights.. i keep motivated to salsa because i love latin music and dance, and you make heaps of friends from it too... and the gym will motivate me because its got the most beautiful spa and sauna area which makes going to the gym a wonderful experience...
  9. wow i never thought of it that way... thanks for ur reply and sharing ur experience... i had been contemplating the prayer: 'god (or whoever, universe etc) give me the tranquility to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things that i still can, and the wisdom to know the difference'... maybe what i can't change is having to take the meds... cheers again..
  10. hi.. does anyone else on meds feel like its changed their personality? in a good or bad way? abilify (for bipolar 1) changed my personality from being ambitious but irritable to patient and eazy going... its great for developing friendships but it makes me feel like.. meh.. i can't be bothered with stuff... my doc said there is no other choice because i react very badly to other medications. i feel very disheartened about this... i've put on 20kgs and my confidence has plummeted to the ground and i feel like things dont really matter that much, like in a good way... for example, during exams i dont try to push myself to the edge of death to study as much as i can because im like well.. i'll just try my best. and i dont feel like trying that hard cause i know that everything is fine and dandy and its all good.. no worries. and of course its helped my social anxiety and the mania.. but i wonder tho.. by being eazy going, well adjusted, very well tempered and just generally a normal person... does it kinda mean that i'm not me anymore? i know that i can fit better into society... and that i can be more liked by people... and that i can function alot better in terms of the moods and mania and anxiety... but at the cost of who i am? you know... sometimes i miss that firey person who stood up for herself at every chance and that person who would try so hard to get ahead... that person who was passionate and wasnt afraid to speak her mind... i've been on this medication for 3 years... and i havent cried much... i havent jumped for joy much either... is anything worth living for if you've swapped yourself for a completely different person? without the meds i am a loner... but tday i feel alive off these meds... despite the withdrawl symptoms... at least i can feel something... anyone else can relate? and if so what did you do about this? ...or do you live with having a different type of personality? thanks ..i am at a loss of answers right now...
  11. hi i tried to come off abilify once before without success. now trying again...i've been on it for 3 years. i stopped taking it 3 days ago and yesterday i got diarrhea and then tday i got a fever, nausea and extreme fatigue plus just feeling like i need to throw up... i'm only coming off 5mgs. its made me put on 20kgs and i hate it to death... i have also been depressed for the last few months i think because of the weight gain as well as feeling like i've lost passion to what i usually enjoy doing while taking this medication. it changed my personality from ambitious but irritable to patient and eazy going... its great for developing friendships but it makes me feel like.. meh.. i can't be bothered with stuff... my doc said there is no other choice because i react very badly to other medications. i feel very disheartened about this..
  12. i gained 20kgs on abilify... now just started saphris so hope my body will not put on anymore weight now... Good luck to u xoxo
  13. hello.. i have been on abilify for 3yrs now and gained 20kgs. Thats 40bls i think? its 1/3rd my natural body weight. Its dangerous for me because i have an illness called lupus which has kidney involvement, nad this is v bad if i gain weight. Abilify (2.5 -5mg) also increases blood sugar, putting me at risk for diabetes. I feel fat and its affecting my self esteem and quality of life. So i talked to doc n she put me on saphris. She said weight neutral in her experience. I so far had taken 3 doses of saphris n feel so incredibly sleepy... Im taking about 2mgs.im very sensitive to meds so no idea how this will affect me... Fingers crossed it will not make me gain any weight! Good luck... And im sorry but abilify can cause alot of weight gain in sm people over a long period of time.. So if ur gaining weight now it proly wont b the last of it. I wish i said to switch meds earlier cause now my weight gain is dangerous to my health...
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