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Banana Smurf

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Everything posted by Banana Smurf

  1. My work is having a potluck. Only a few people are going. I am not going. That is a terrible idea at the start of flu season. I briefly considered going and not eating anything because it might ease my anxiety to get to know the faceless people behind the emails and voice chats better, but it doesn't seem worth it.
  2. My psychiatrist was sick on Friday, so I still don't know. I've been really thinking about it, though, and I have a feeling that it might be very removed intrusive thoughts because they talk about all my OCD crap like Satan and me harming people. What I have to do is mostly things that I associate with OCD.
  3. I think that restraining does increase my anxiety, and it tends to head straight towards depersonalization when I am in public, which is probably more annoying. I have a necklace like that, maybe I will look for something else in addition.
  4. Does hearing voices that present inside your head count as hearing voices? I mean as opposed to the type that are heard as if you are hearing with your ears, indistinguishable from the surroundings. They are completely uncontrollable by me and I feel compelled to speak or do something as a result of hearing them sometimes, though they do not tell me to do anything. I am pretty sure that they are some kind of mental subprocess that is completely out of my control. I described this to my new therapist, and she was still concerned and asked for the number for my psychiatrist, so I was wondering. I have an appointment with him on Friday, so I guess that I will ask him then, but I was kind of curious.
  5. I've worked in an Amazon warehouse that was for the flights, and it was pretty mentally stressful. I tend to not deal with work stresses very well, though, and the weirdly intense performance pressures and the odd social thing that was going on there stressed me out pretty bad. One thing that freaked me out a lot was that they rotated us around in between different types of work each day, with no way to predict it. I worked there over the holiday season, so that might influence my opinion. They offer a lot of unpaid time off.
  6. I have hypersomnia, but I tend to fall asleep suddenly and with little warning. I am lucky enough to have a better response to ritalin for it. I use a SAD lamp that Alexa turns on every morning at the same time and then an alarm. It helps a little bit. Sometimes I use it when I really need to stay awake, too. I hear you about it being hard to do things. I feel and am tested as safe to drive now, but it is hard to sit down for a while and not get very sleepy. The QC person was doing a meeting one day and my map was great except one spot and she was like were you falling asleep?!? and I just went ahead and admitted it.
  7. I lost some weight on it on higher doses. I am not really sure why. It didn't work very well at all for me, though, and I was kind of foggy on it. YMMV
  8. It isn't covid stuff, but I didn't get a whole lot of stuff because I already have too much. I am thinking of tossing a bunch of yarn, a ton of badly fitting clothes, some laptops that have been waiting to be fixed for years, a large collection of scented soaps that make me break out, and a lot of stuff like that that are sitting around in piles because I can't stand sitting at home and looking at this stuff and thinking about it. I haven't done anything with it for years and probably never will. I got motivated after posting this and started throwing away things, but then I came across a cheesy study bible that someone left here years ago. I felt guilty after I tossed it in the recycle bin, so I left it in the abandoned house on the street.
  9. Self care is pretty much a lifelong issue for me. I tend to decompensate and let go of most reasonable things like regular showers, brushing teeth, doing dishes, not eating pizza all the time. As time goes on, it becomes somewhat easier to regain some sort of reasonable self-care routine after out of an episode and sometimes retain some essential elements of my routine while in a particularly bad period.
  10. I've taken Strattera, guanfacine, and clonidine as an adult, but not together. I was taken off of Strattera during a psychotic episode, because I tend to react badly to antidepressants, and that was the last antidepressant-like thing that was in my cocktail. I took guanfacine and clonidine separately. I haven't tried most antidepressant augmentation strategies for ADHD. I found guanfacine and clonidine a lot more relaxing than Strattera, but Strattera was the only thing that seemed to help with concentration and attention out of the three for me, but I didn't notice it, other people did. It didn't feel anything like a stimulant, but apparently it really made a difference in my behavior that other people noticed and I couldn't detect at all. Guanfacine and clonidine seemed to help more with the weird restless anxiety and greater difficulty controlling my frustration. I don't have a super firm ADHD diagnosis, though.
  11. My psychiatrist referred me back to my sleep doctor for mild psychotic symptoms with insight and severe dissociative symptoms because he thinks they are associated with poor control of my sleep disorder. Is narcolepsy really that heavily associated with psychiatric symptoms? edit: Wow, I have been reading articles about psychosis associated with narcolepsy and it sounds really heavy on psychiatric symptoms. I didn't know about that, and that they figured out that it was neurological so recently. I bet it was considered psychiatric before that.
  12. I tried to quit Latuda because my differential diagnosis for bipolar with psychosis is a complex dissociative disorder, though it wasn't successful. I didn't feel a lot of withdrawals until a depressive psychosis hit really fast and hard. I think that they let me go too fast, and that slower is better and that the depression was connected to it because it was so rapid onset. Of course, I'm also prone to depressive psychosis and might not have been medicated well enough otherwise.
  13. Not that unusual, but feeling like my thoughts are so crowded and pressing that I can't help but interrupt people, because I'm usually not much of a talker. Suddenly feeling like sunlight is unusual because I tend towards not getting outdoors time in any mood episode. Rubbing my nose a lot because I do that when irritated. Sometimes it just looks red a lot. I have rage attacks when I hear chewing most of the time, but I do think it is worse during a mood episode.
  14. Totally relate. Sometimes worse than others, but totally relatable.
  15. My sister has very similar diagnoses to me, and she doesn't have to take meds, but controls it with therapy, though she has taken medications in the past. She works quite a bit more and has more friends. She also uses technology less. We do not have schizoaffective, however, more along the lines of bipolar/autism/anxiety. I am not sure technology usage is related to prognosis.
  16. I have also quit the stimulants several times because I lose everything, but it is a secret, because I am not supposed to drive without them. It might have increased the lasting power of the dosing effects. I have noticed that I get spacier when they wear off than I normally am. I usually just feel normal on them, but they just aren't doing it right now. I am taking Ritalin 10 mg x 3 Latuda 80 x 1 Lithium 450 x 1 or something Synthroid 75 mcg x1 Topamax 75 mg x 2 I am also taking an ashwaganda/l-theanine supplement The primary diagnosis that it is treating is a hypersomnia that is suspected to be narcolepsy. He doesn't really know because I couldn't quit my meds for the sleep study. The secondary dx is psychiatric, because my psychiatric doctor questions me about the effects and whether I am taking it. I have been told that I have ADHD or autism and I have done general neuropsychiatric testing, but I still get told different things. I have also tried Strattera and clonidine and guanfacine before I developed a sleep disorder but it was not much like a stimulant. People noticed a difference, I guess in my spazz, but I didn't notice much. This clinic says autism. The weird thing is I think it helps my obsessive traits by improving my memory. The third dx is that I get depressed a lot (bipolar), and I think it helps, but I think all the ritalin goes to that, then, or something. I think the ritalin really is helping it because I feel like I have Sundowner's lately. I'm not totally sure about the psychiatric diagnostic information because my doctor doesn't like to discuss it with people in case they argue or obsess, except my therapist has an insistence on talking about accepting autism. I have no idea if I'm also diagnosed with ADHD right now, except my doctor questioning me about sleep meds, and people laughed at me when I gave them the questionnaire, wondering why it took so long to figure out. The stimulants usually work pretty ok for me, much better than Strattera, but I feel super flighty right now, but I have to consider that I really let my mood get out of control. I think that my problem is a mild mixed state or something.
  17. My partner left a hospital AMA after a helicopter ride there, and it got paid for. He also refused to sign the form. It was really expensive, so if they could have gotten out of paying for it, they probably would have. He hasn't gotten treated by anyone in that network since then, but the hospital did not mention any blacklisting. I think it'll probably be ok.
  18. I've done some self help stuff that is ACT focused and I find it particularly helpful for things like intrusive thoughts where it helps me to be more aware of my response to them and accept them because therapists have kept telling me that most people have disturbing intrusive thoughts, they just are able to ignore them, so I just like to hear it over and over again.
  19. I used to get like this really badly, and now I am more ok with it. I think that both meds and exposure therapy helped me.
  20. I am feeling pretty depressed and it feels like Ritalin is doing nothing to help with my organization and motivation right now. I think that it is probably protecting me from the worst of it, though. It seems impossible to organize myself to do anything even when I get the motivation to get myself out of bed and it is getting pretty hard to maintain.
  21. I used sleep as android to try to roughly track my sleep and wake cycles during the night before. I have no idea if that could be extended to the day.
  22. I read about the news sometimes, but I pick the articles. I was watching the COVID stuff for a while, then I was asked to stop. I don't really think regular news consumption is particularly good for my anxiety.
  23. It runs in my family really strongly, too, so it probably would have happened at some point for me, I figure, whether or not if meds helped it happen earlier.
  24. It's really unclear. I was also tested as having Hashimoto's, but I read that can also be stimulated to begin on lithium. I had an abnormal reading near the time I started, and I've never been told it caused it, but I don't know.
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