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Banana Smurf

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Everything posted by Banana Smurf

  1. I am really familiar with the self-hating thoughts that you describe, and I suggest having really good communication with your partner about what bothers them about what happens when you're depressed when you're both not extremely upset. When you are prone to depression, it is easy to fixate on one need that they are not getting fulfilled and hate yourself for it, when in actuality, they would be able to get by with something else that the lack thereof is driving them crazy. Try not to hate yourself too much for your depression, everyone has disagreements for one reason or another.
  2. I went off of it for another antipsychotic, but I don't remember which. It might have been Invega. They switched me over without tapering me. It was kind of weird to get used to sleeping without it and I took it 3x a day, so the anxiolytic effect was a little hard to adjust to not having.
  3. Meeting phobia

  4. I don't remember the feeling of starting methylphenyldate now, but when I lost it for a couple weeks, restarting it had me feeling a little sedated and flat as well, but it wore off quickly. Edit: I forgot to mention that despite feeling weird I feel super calm. My daughter had a massive screaming tantrum and it didn't bother me at all when normally it would irritate the shit out of me. But I'm really calm and not bothered by anything. (maybe part of feeling sedated?) I think that is a part of the psychological effects of this drug, greater frustration tolerance.
  5. Achy, nauseous, and sick from anxiety. Fuzzy and unfocused.
  6. I definitely can not process my thoughts into speech fast enough for a lot of conversations. However, sometimes, especially when it's about some things, I will talk and talk really fast and that can be really annoying. When it's dead air time, I've never been aware that pauses were a social faux paus. That's not to say they aren't, I just never considered it. I don't know any really good compensatory strategies. I do a lot of "um" "hm" "I don't know". I am interested now in other things to do.
  7. I'm not sure on when REM sleep stages usually happen and they can be unusual with sleep disorders or sleep deprivation, if I remember right, which it is pretty likely that I dont. Medications can also change them, but I think psych meds usually suppress it.
  8. I've had really weird hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations before.
  9. I am a pretty crabby person. Some mood stabilizers that have helped are topamax and lithium. Topamax was for weird headaches, but it really helped with frustration and irritability (for me).
  10. It isn't really a sleep hygiene thing, but I really like my weighted blanket.
  11. If it's a new thing and the medication changes were a ways back, does your pdoc think it's worth it to check for other physical reasons for a tremor? I have no idea what those are. I think I tried B6 for akathisia, but it's probably totally different. Could the Klonopin have been masking the tremor better than the Valium? I am not sure what these thoughts are worth.
  12. I forgot about having this spate of particularly violent dreams in which I was kicking and punching, and I tied myself up to go to sleep. I had a bed partner that I was concerned about. After a couple of days, he said the idea was ridiculous and it was mostly flailing.
  13. I don't really do anything dangerous when I'm not on ambien, luckily. I don't go outside for some reason. I pretty much just ignore it. It's hugely lessened now that my sleep schedule is regulated with Ritalin and I think klonopin helps, too.
  14. I've had a lot of sleepwalking happen, as well as a lot of sleep activities such as sleep eating, sleep talking, sleep sex, sleep cleaning, and acting out dreams. Ambien made it a lot worse for me, too. I have done it on some level since I was a child.
  15. Restraining my hands in some way is an awesome idea! I used to wear those ergonomic wrist sleeves and I think it helped with that, thinking back on it.
  16. I feel the increased time at home, where it is perfectly acceptable to stim, has made me have less inhibitions towards stimming in public. I tend to do it in ways that attract attention and tend to get me treated differently. I am not comfortable taking the advice of a prior therapist to try to accept it. I have tried replacing obvious things such as hand flapping and rubbing with fidgeting, but I could never quite replace them. The physical inhibitions to stim are also different, more tense and painfully clenching. I am not quite sure what to do about it?
  17. That describes how it is for me really well, in much better words.
  18. I usually have music playing in my head, but it doesn't really distress me. It's usually in the back of my mind, while I can think over it. I think that Klonopin makes it more manageable. I kind of enjoy it a lot of the time.
  19. I was wondering if anyone has tried this. I like it already, but it might be the sedative effect that I'm getting from it that I'm confusing for anxiolysis.
  20. My tdoc wanted to do EMDR with me before going to phone only because of the coronavirus. She told me about this visualization method for containing distressing thoughts that come up before they can be reprocessed with her. I have no idea what it is called. She had me imagine a containing device and named it and practiced containing something mildly distressing in it. I imagined a force field box with metal sides with a remote control locking mechanism and a button beside it and called it a companion cube. She told me to practice it and it was more useful than I thought. I haven't actually been able to do EMDR, so I'm not sure how useful it would be for heavy stuff. She told me about this bilateral tapping thing, too. I think it's supposed to help with spacing out. I like the position that she called a butterfly hug, crossing your arms and tapping your collarbone, one side at a time. I don't know what either of these techniques are called. They were just new things that I learned that were surprisingly helpful. I don't think they were EMDR, just part of the stabilization beforehand. I like the tactile and counting grounding coping mechanisms, too.
  21. I get stuck in these obsessions with things that I like, but I really like new sources of information about things that I like. I will go over the things that I have already gone over a really long time, watch videos about the same things, talk to new people about the same things, but I guess I'm taking in a lot of new information in new ways, but about the same things. I get on these obsessions, though, and lots of other things can seem really boring and I don't like doing them.
  22. Since posting this, I left my full time job for a flexible job with part time hours. I don't think I can do traditional full time work right now.
  23. Apparently, his whole doctor's office staff are in quarantine and can't be reached. He is feeling much better today, however, and has no fever. Maybe it was diverticulitis + allergies? I hope he still gets tested.
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