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Banana Smurf

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Everything posted by Banana Smurf

  1. I totally failed to do any work today. Maybe I can do an online lab exercise? And sort the trash.
  2. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation When my mood was super high for several days and I started to get delusional, on the downswing, I became convinced that I was going to kill someone I live with with Covid-19 and had to kill myself first. I don't think I am overly worried about it right now, just taking care with masks and gloves and limiting going out.
  3. I definitely have GAD and panic so it could be that. I didn't realize that it is panic because it feels very real and my agitation doesn't change a lot. It is weird.
  4. It feels real, but I took a Klonopin to try to calm down about it. It still feels real, but I am not as freaked out about it. I guess I will try to see when I can see my doctor in case it is my mood. My mood is becoming a huge problem, so it might be causing other issues.
  5. I keep feeling this sense that I am going to die very soon. I don't really want to, and it kind of freaks and weirds me out. I don't really know why it is happening, or if I am going to die very soon. It is just very annoying and bothering me a lot. I don't know if I should prepare for it, except that I don't have anything to give away.
  6. I can't do anything but make an appointment to talk about things like meds and symptoms. When I call, it is often hard to get a call back about appointments, but my clinic was started by somebody who had retired, and I think they don't keep a very large office staff. I often have to call multiple times. Some nurse practitioner that I saw gave me an email address because the office was hard to get ahold of. I go to a private practice clinic. It is kind of annoying, but it is pretty easy to get seen if things are urgent. If nothing else, they'll probably squeeze you in if you show up, if you can wait.
  7. We are also reopening in stages. I am not sure exactly how the stages are being handled because I get too nervous about the news.
  8. I am having a really sudden change in the frequency of my mood changes. I already had a mania that turned psychotic and then depressed this spring, which is unfortunately something that happens with some frequency in spring. However, then I started to get hypomanic for a couple weeks, but didn't realize it, after several weeks of depression. I feel like shit again now, but electrified shit. I think I need to call my doctor about this swinging back and forth, and get more mood stabilizer or something because this is ridiculous. What makes intense cycling happen suddenly? I've never been a rapid cycler.
  9. I've taken klonopin, valium, propranolol, and benadryl, but I've mostly only had akathisia. I have had this weird thing where my knees jerked, but it wasn't medicated, so I don't know what's effective for other movements.
  10. Work for 6 hours 4.62 do dishes make dinner that is healthy and isn't gross Do online class Pay bills Don't binge on ice cream while working Shower
  11. I'm using technology addiction to distract myself from my paper about technology addiction.

  12. I take my meds right before I'm ready to go to bed, because Latuda tends to knock me out. I usually take it at about 11:00 and go to sleep at about 12:00. I sometimes take it earlier, but usually go to sleep about an hour later. I eat something with it.
  13. I have a migraine and I feel like if I look at another zoning ordinance, my head is going to spin and I'm going to spit pea green soup.
  14. I'm on a combination of lithium and topamax. It is pretty effective for me. The lithium is pretty low dose. My blood level is around .4, I think, or something. The topamax was prescribed for neurological reasons but was pretty effective for moods.
  15. I am prescribed ritalin by a sleep dr. I couldn't go off my medications for my daytime sleep study, either. I think it's kind of weird they're insisting on a clean sleep study after that long.
  16. Yeah, everybody knows I'm crazy. I'm pretty sure it's not just me being self-conscious because the bus driver asked me if I was getting off at the psych clinic, when I have never gotten off there. The boss at this greenhouse job I worked at said that plants were good for the heart, meaning the metaphorical heart, I'm pretty sure. The people at where I work now act like I am crazy, which I am, so that is ok. I just kind of wish I could present better, but I am not sure how. Is there any kind of therapy besides social skills training that does that? I already did social skills training.
  17. Some grounding techniques that I know of for dissociation are sensory things like naming 5 blue things in the room that you are in. Another is carrying around something that smells strong and is comforting and helps bring you back to your body. Another one is carrying around something that has an interesting texture, like a rock or identifying something that has a texture that helps bring you back to your body in each portion of your house. I went around to each part of the house, but I only remember that I like warm water the best and it's readily available. I don't know how to realize I am spacing out in the first place.
  18. I really hate therapy. I usually dislike my therapists. If I make any progress, it feels tiny and slow. Someone says that I do better when I'm in therapy, so I try to stay in it. I really hate talking to a stranger about my feelings when I know they are evaluating everything I say, do, and how I appear. I guess I know how you feel, but I feel like I get some benefits from being forced to actually engage with someone else for 50 minutes, if nothing else.
  19. I relate a lot. I also get shit from some people about being on benefits, but I got shit from other people from getting a crappy part time job in case it put my benefits in jeopardy. Someone I know on disability said that he gets paid to take care of himself, and I kind of like that, because it feels like it takes a huge amount of time and effort to take care of myself. It felt kind of forgiving.
  20. I'll ask my pdoc about it-I was wondering if it was even possible dosed like that. Thank you for the information.
  21. I have two different bipolar diagnoses at my gp. My psychiatrist said something briefly about a third. I've been diagnosed with the three before, schizoaffective, bipolar I, and bipolar II, and they tend to rotate. I guess I feel like it's a matter of opinion at this stage. I might not be a good example because I've moved around a ton and had to switch doctors a lot.
  22. There's websites that offer to use unicode to convert text to strikethrough. I saw apps for it. I don't see the option on an Android phone either.
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