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About Maybell

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    I'm writing that bitch a sonnet. Bitches love sonnets

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    New Zealand

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  1. I've been on 150mg Sertraline/Zoloft and 1mg Risperidone for the last 2 years and mostly that combination has been working pretty well for my depression and anxiety. However the last couple of months I've been getting brain zaps and having lower mood, more anxiety. I haven't had a change in dose, and although I get the generic brand which are the ones funded in my country (New Zealand), there doesn't seem to have been any changes there. I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if I need to go onto a different antidepressant that has a longer half life or something. The brain zaps aren't as bad as what I had on Effexor when I was on that, but it bothers me, and I've generally just felt very off and not coping well the last few months. I have a doctors appointment this week at least. Has anyone had this happen to them before? withdrawal symptoms with no decrease in meds? Did you find out what was causing it? On a side note, I hate the vulnerability that comes with having to rely on medications in order to be semi-functional, knowing that even when you find a good combination of meds, things can just stop working or there are outside changes you can't control. It sucks.
  2. thanks Olga & Lysergia...glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't answer my phone...I sometimes wish they would make text only phones I think I'll go with a combination of really busy/overwhelmed if more direct excuses are needed
  3. I think you did the right thing to, especially reminding your dad that he is his own person and can choose to see you if he wants. Family can be really good at making you doubt yourself, but it's good that you have confirmation from your therapist that the behaviour from your step mother was abusive (which it was) and can get support here too. Can't believe he is suggesting that you could "just come back if you wanted to" after she changed the locks. Sounds like he is just seeing what he wants to see out of the situation, not what the reality was for you.
  4. I was hoping I'd have met with a therapist by now and would have been able to talk this over a bit with them, but still waiting, so will try to explain it here and see if it helps me. I'm in a place right now, where I'm trying to avoid having much to do with my family. I don't really even know why exactly....a combination of a lot of things that I really can't get my head around. I've been doing the minimum of "family obligations" that I can get away with without looking rude or having awkward questions asked. But my parents keep wanting to catch up with me, and my avoidance is starting to look more deliberate or I suppose, hurtful. They're getting suspicious. Not sure what to do. Is there a polite-ish/acceptable-ish way to say the following without it turning into a big deal?: "Just invite me to the usual family get-togethers for birthdays or whatever...otherwise there's facebook for keeping roughly up to date with each other's lives...but I can't deal with more than that at the moment. Sorry if it makes you feel bad, but I have my own shit going on, and...well, yeah" I kinda feel like no matter how I say it, it sounds a bit mean/rough...but at the same time, I don't want to be all passive-aggressive and just not answer phone calls/make excuses etc.... edit - just adding that it's mostly just the parental units who I've been avoiding.
  5. I liked this video too, very well made and executed and awesome message
  6. done a lot of the same things as others, which all seemed like good ideas at the time (don't they always!) - sex with strangers (married/bdsm/unsafe/group/public places) - did some really extreme bdsm stuff, then lost interest in it 6 months later - quitting school/study/jobs multiple times - a lot of impulsive travel (which was really fun) - shaved my head for no reason - gambling (ended up having to file for bankruptcy) - all of my tattoos have been impulsive though I like most of them, just one that is crap - various piercings (none of which have anymore) - taken or allowed others to take nude photos/explicit videos - housework/baking at 3am - donating all my possessions to charity and buying new stuff to make a fresh start - have bought and given away 3 guitars that I intended to learn how to play but never did (currently have a 4th one that I still don't know how to use I dunno...that's what I can remember at the moment, but there's probably more, my memory is crap. Some stuff I regret, but having done a lot of weird stuff, at least helps me remember not to judge other people for their mistakes
  7. Anyone found that music helps them concentrate or focus better? If so, what works for you?
  8. I really like the knot of eternity tattoo, especially that you don't see it but know it's there.. One tattoo artist I spoke with said that for him he didn't have much more trouble tattooing over scars, in terms of ink spreading etc...he said that stretch marks were harder to tattoo over. I think it would also depend on the scar itself and whether it's fully healed etc...I recently read an article about someone who got a tattoo over a scar on his chest from open heart surgery and he said that getting tattooed over scar tissue was much more painful compared to other tattoos he had gotten previously. Bree, I really love your tattoo, it is pretty and I like the thinking behind it, you have a lot of insight for someone your age
  9. I wish I could find a doctor like that....seriously, I've been having such a hard time trying to get anyone to consider an ADHD diagnosis instead of the various depression/anxiety/bipolar diagnoses that have been thrown around for the last 17 years check the threads here, there's lots of links with information on them. Hopefully the adderall works for you, good luck
  10. so glad you explained this...I was getting confused (which doesn't take much admittedly) and for everyone that posted informative links, thanks, unfortunately my concentration skills are hovering pretty much around zero lately so it all just looked like lots of words mushed together, but I appreciate the effort edit: spelling/grammar and all that shit
  11. I've never been told any of this. Maybe you should consult a different psychiatrist. tl;dr: The "professional" who told you this is a retard who probably got their M.D. from an unaccredited diploma mill. Find someone else. EDIT: I just noticed that you're from New Zealand, not the US. Are there laws banning prescription of scheduled drugs for adults there? I would think that it would be the same in New Zealand, but I'm not sure. Haha...you are totally right about the psychiatrist being a dumbass...the sad/funny thing is that he was meant to be the second opinion I was getting because the psychiatrist before him was even worse! sigh...the joys of accessing community mental health. Last time I saw the psychiatrist, a good 2 months ago, he said he'd talk to a colleague about my case and get back to me. I waited 5-6 weeks then called and left a message for him. He rang back with some vague story about referring me to someone else (couldn't or wouldn't give me a name or a number to follow up with) saying that they'd call me and that I need to be patient etc... I then did a self referral for therapy as I'm just not coping, and got a letter last week saying that the psychiatrist has referred me to a psychologist for "possible adhd diagnosis" and that I'm on a waiting list to be seen. I'm going to be super pissed off if I get to see a psychologist and they are useless too, plus planning on asking when exactly my psychiatrist referred me, as I think he only did it after I called back for an update, slack bastard. There is a specialist ADHD clinic that's relatively local but it's private and I just can't afford it, at least not until I start the next part of my study in July and can reapply for study costs that I could use to pay for the appointments. Which all just pisses me off as I kinda need those study costs for course materials. I'm thinking of making a formal complaint about the services I've had from the community mental health service and request that since their psychiatrists are too useless to diagnose anything that they should pay for me to be seen privately. The amount of delays and crap treatment I've had from them is ridiculous. cheers May
  12. thanks Miron, I think I saw your other comment that was lost, but didn't get around to replying to it then (got distracted...you know how it is!) it's so ironic that getting an adhd diagnosis is so frustratingly slow! le sigh
  13. thanks for the comments It's so frustrating, and I swear I feel like I'm just getting the run around from the community mental health centre, they are so useless. I never heard back from the psychiatrist that I saw in mid January so I rang last week and left a message for him to call me. Which he did, but he was just really evasive about what is actually going on. He said he'd referred me to someone else that would do some tests or something re: the adhd, and said that they would be in touch. But couldn't give me a name or anything, just kept saying they would contact me. Seeing as this centre has a previous history of saying they'll contact me and then not doing so, I was keen to get a name so that I could follow up on it in a few weeks if I hadn't heard anything. That really upset me, as I hate not knowing what's going on, plus I have other things I'm struggling with at the moment. So I went into the centre and filled out a self-referral form requesting therapy. Today I get a letter saying I'm on the waitlist to be seen by a clinical psychologist, and that my psychiatrist has also referred me to a psychologist to investigate the possible ADHD diagnosis. So now, I want to find out a) how long (roughly) is the waitlist? b) when exactly did the psychiatrist refer me? I'm going to be really pissed off if I waited 5-6 weeks for him to do something, only to find out he did nothing until after I eventually called him. I'm also going to be really pissed off if I get in to see a psychologist and they can't diagnose me anyway.... Why does this have to be so hard? I've even considered getting a mental health advocate (they have a volunteer service locally that does this) but that means telling my story to yet another person, and I just don't know if I am able to do that...it takes so much out of me.
  14. as Cerberus said, the withdrawal side effects of Effexor can be really nasty. I start getting a major sore head at night if I forget my morning dose, and the brain zaps the next day. Count yourself lucky if you don't get the brain zaps...they are awful!
  15. thanks for sharing your story Tomcat...I think I'm also getting bias because I have/had a bipolar diagnosis too, although I no longer take mood stabilisers (pdoc is aware of this). And it's hard to have that assumption of being a drug seeker or something.. I'm still waiting for the p-doc to get back to me, it's been 3 weeks now. The colleague he wants to talk to only works on Mondays or possibly even every 2nd Monday (pdoc wasn't sure), and one of the Mondays was a public holiday here...so I'm giving him another week, before I ring up. It's been hard, I've started back at study and I'm struggling, but if I contact the p-doc too soon, it's just another thing that marks me as a "desperate drug seeker in his eyes
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