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ctane

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About ctane

  • Rank
    continuously confused

Contact Methods

  • Skype
    stuntaneous

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Man
  • Location
    Sydney, Australia
  • Interests
    Programming, gaming, music, mixing, conversation
  1. I realise the current knowledge points towards it activating a predisposition but I'm actually trying to identify whether or not I did activate any such predisposition, whether that event initiated psychosis. By hearing how others have fared, I'm hoping to further work out what happened to me. If it's sounding more and more like I did activate a psychosis, it'd be very helpful to learn how others with similar circumstances have been treated.
  2. Meds can definitely do odd things to you. Lamictal (Lamotrigine) has messed with my language. It seems so strange to me that a medication can alter such a specific thing. I find it hard to recall certain words at times, how to spell them, or their meanings. Also, dexamphetamine makes me talk fast. I'm sure you can elicit an opposite effect from other medication.
  3. I wanted to hear about other experiences because I wonder if psychosis is in my mix. The doctor keeps coming back to the idea, he believes the cannabis event triggered psychosis. He's been trying to rule it in or out but to date four atypical anti-psychotics haven't gone down well so the theory hasn't really been tested. He talks a lot about current negative symptoms, my cognitive changes and my experience around the time of onset. After that first cannabis event hit, I was experiencing I think what you'd call depersonalisation and/or derealisation. For many months I was wandering around at school with everything a blur. Turning a corner and forgetting where I'd been, what I'd done. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight at all. It's hard to describe now both because it's hard to remember and because I don't know how to really put it into words. It was a bizarre and really hard time. Things improved gradually to a passable level probably within six to twelve months. I mean, to a point where I could manage to pass for sensible and act the part reliably. Maybe in the next few years I got a little better again but reached a plateau. I still feel how I did back then but to a lesser degree. The major lingering effects of this event I'd say are having a very poor memory, very poor concentration and a large deficit in cognitive ability compared to my previous self. I used to be a top student across a variety of subjects (english, maths, physics, chem, whatever) but struggle to pass straight forward units at university these days. Over a few minutes, one day later, my life had changed so dramatically. I'd like to find out what happened, of course! While the psych slowly attempts to work things out, I'm trying to make sense of my situation myself. It'd be great to hear someone outline a similar ordeal and how they've progressed with their treatment since - whether psychosis is involved or otherwise. Thanks Eight or nine years on now, things have been improving at last. In the previous year and a half since I've been getting treatment, everything's been relatively great - it's all only getting better. I'm very happy about the changes!
  4. It was my first time, a few puffs and minutes later was the beginning of something that's stayed with me all of these years. I'm curious about similar experiences of others. I'm especially interested if psychosis began as a result of your first time using cannabis. The stuff that matters I guess would be your symptoms, severity, changes over time, medication that's helped you. I've had major problems with cognition, I'm very keen to hear about anyone's experience with that, too.
  5. I was with a friend at the time and he was fine. I've got a mixture of impaired concentration, etc due to an eye (pain) condition.. depression and so on as a result of the lifestyle I've led after acquiring this eye condition and also the event I've described above. He's trying to piece things together but it seems like there's a fair way to go yet. With an AD, mood stabiliser and dexamphetamine (this one is er, sort of okay and may be temporary), I've had significant improvement in mood and stability of it, concentration has improved a little, memory a little. I feel like he's really hit the lifestyle depression stuff but what's hanging around is this cannabis event's impact. He last mentioned he was thinking about depression with psychosis and/or (I forget) bipolar. He seems to think a lot that psychosis may be involved somewhere. Long story.. short.. ish, haha. I should say, I continue to have big problems with apathy, motivation and energy as well. Yeah, I'm happy to slowly go through it all. It'd be great to know more about this stuff in the meantime! Ah, I'm tired.. bbl. Thanks.
  6. During a one-off use of cannabis, I had a sudden and severe reaction. I wasn't on any other medication at the time. The psych has suggested this could be the beginning of some psychosis. I began highly disorientated, memory resetting every few seconds or so with little staying on with the help of mantra like thinking, annihilated concentration, possibly dissociation (I'm not sure of the terms), and so on. For a good six months or so, I could turn a corner and forget where I'd been. Early on, the world was a bit surreal, a bit of a blur. I felt so out of it. I only first saw a doctor about this and other mental health issues last year. Back then, I was completely untreated. I found I had minimal, slow improvement of symptoms over a period of months. Maybe more, less obvious improvement over the next year or two, a big guess there, though. I've since plateaued and significant deficits remain with regard to my concentration, memory and general cognition. I feel really unintelligent compared to my former self. Where I'd be getting top marks in Maths, Physics, Chemistry, English, whatever, I now struggle to pass straight forward, first year university courses. Anyway, would this short description be in-line with psychosis? If so, what possible recovery could I expect from anti-psychotic use? The psych's been trying me on a few but the last three didn't go down well. I should mention, a CT scan came back clear. Also, this event happened about eight years ago.
  7. ctane

    o hay ther

  8. I was worn down over the years to a point where I considered myself hardened and resilient. Nothing would shake my composure and I'd never cry. After starting my gauntlet of medication, namely Effexor-XR, I found I was much more emotionally affected. I wasn't sure then and I'm still not too sure now whether or not this, i.e. being able to be moved to tears and feeling vulnerable after years of 'resilience', was a good or bad thing. So, it's been a reverse experience for me. The act of crying and going between the black and white phases of it being possible or not is a big change. I know what you mean in a way.
  9. Between an acquired physical problem (thanks Accutane..) that helped manifest MI in addition to previous childhood depression, I feel like I've missed out on all but the dull-going-on-agnosing experience of unhappy teenage years at school. Since the final senior years of school, with the physical issue coming into play, I've spent so much of my time isolated at home, in my room. Until some mild progress very recently, for years I could count the number of days I'd get out annually on one or maybe two hands. Every aspect of life, I wish I'd had more interaction with the world and other people. Sigh. Tonight's a rare, lonely night. My resilience is on holiday :|
  10. I've been progressing through treatment with a psychiatrist, at last, after many years of problems and have had increasing success as medication has been applied. It now seems, though, there may be hypothyroidism at play (Hashimoto). Reading up on this form of the condition, it seems to present with many symptoms associated with mental illness. I'm wondering, if this is possibly the source of much or all of my symptoms, why have the medications prescribed by my psychiatrist been particularly effective? (at least in some key areas) While I'm here, has anyone else had a similar experience?
  11. I was on Accutane in 2003 and it all but destroyed the meibomium glands in my eyes. It's messed up my life. I never recommend it to anyone after my experience and reading about all the other problems people have had.
  12. Thanks guys. Seems like I should be happy Yeah, instead of a crutch I say to people occasionally it would be better (in one way..) to be missing a leg because people will realise my limitations and see I have a disadvantage. I've got a chronic pain issue as well due to my eyes (Accutane, woo) and generally no one notices or understands when it interferes with.. everything.
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