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About smurf2050

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    To Thine Own Self Be True

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  1. I got tremors with lithium, but they started out slight and escalated over years. I got restless legs, too, eventually. I switched to depakote a while back because I was also having noticeable problems with language (word finding, I guess it's called). All the Li problems have subsided, and the depakote's working. When I first tried the depakote about 13 years ago with Paxil it didn't do a thing for me. I've always had hypothyroidism, but it did get worse on the Li. Good Luck sorting it out.
  2. It is very hard to accept a dx like bp. I first heard it when I was 17 (on the first and only visit -- stopped seeing that quack, ha ha) and didn't accept it until many, many years later. Alcohol use makes bp worse, I think. Can even bring it on. I'm an alcoholic, so know that I'm not being condescending about anything. anyway, just like physical illness, I think it's possible to diagnose MI quickly. That first guy was right on for me, even though I denied it and refused treatment for years (don't recommend that.) mostly, it's a quest to find meds that make you stable, whatever the verdict. with me there's some speculation about whether I'm depressed or bp. I never wanted to give up the hypomania so I clammed up about it. Now I'm more honest. Anyway, what matters most is finding a solution. Whether I am depressed or bp I still take what I take and it works for me. good luck with this. you are in a very difficult position of new diagnosis and trying to figure out what to accept and what to discard. take you time, keep trying, keep hanging around here. give the medication a chance and see if it does anything helpful for you.
  3. can you just avoid her? ps wooster that link didn't work for me -- site name is "for sale"
  4. You can get a little control back by choosing to follow up on some of the offered suggestions, whether or not they help. It is a HUGE bummer to have your body and mind not do what you want them to do. I can relate to that. But the reality is, you have to look at it and start sorting it out. Here's my advice: Don't do what I did, which was to talk myself into believing my episodes were just flukes, not a permanent illness that had to be dealt with. I was like the battered spouse except my MI was battering me; and everytime there was a reprieve, I convinced myself (and other people) that it was the last time. Don't do that. If you do, you can stretch out your misery for years. I know you didn't ask for advice and particularly not for mine. But at the very least you know I am reading and pulling for you.
  5. Suicide as a solution is pure fantasy. In reality it is hiding stitches; getting your stomach pumped; being told you're lucky you didn't get permanent damage to ...; never ending hospital bills; involving friends in a horror they have to play in, like it or not; extra doses of pain and agony for people who love you and don't know how to help; uncomprehending stares from strangers; intense shame; and just all-in-all making things worse. You are worth every bit of trouble it takes from anyone who might be able to make things easier for you.
  6. This is really a profound statement, something perhaps only people with your training would understand fully. If you ever feel inclined or up to it, I hope you will explain in more detail. In the meantime, hello & glad you're here.
  7. It is selfish. Suicides leave huge wounds behind in the people who know/love them. You could probably find some info about that online. I speak from experience. You are kind of stuck with the reality you have, that you feel hopeless right now & feel it will not end; but it CAN end. For me, it takes meds and more meds. I'm not the person I want to be; but I'm not in bed, curled up & crying, either. In my case I chose to have children and now I'm really stuck; I want to give them the best care I can; I can't abandon them. (but that's me) Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The way your mind is working right now is not sane, is not really reflecting your true self and your true chances at happiness and self-fulfillment, of feeling like life is worth it. You can't trust your thinking right now, and I hope you won't. Your experience is very, very hard to endure. Hopelessness, feeling inadequate to the core, hurts like heck; but it's not real, it's not true. You aren't like that. You do have worth. You do have potential. You can achieve goals. Please don't throw in the towel before the game's over. I know it's brutal. I know it hurts. But your situation can and will get better.
  8. read everything and can empathize. I get crazy scared when there's a delay in my getting my meds. However, I still wanted to suggest -- when you get in a jam and decide to pay for it yourself -- taking just a partial fill and buying just what you need until you can get it sorted out. : )
  9. homemade do you like brie cheese?
  10. I hate it, too. There is some dignity, however, in not judging myself while it is happening. That leaves me a little more clear-headed and a little bit more able to process the interaction I'm trying to have with someone else (stranger or not) at the time.
  11. One thing that helped me when I quit drinking -- and take it or leave it -- was to just go for short periods of time, not think "never again." I would tell myself, "I'll drink tomorrow if I still want to" or "I'll go another five minutes," etc.
  12. unless you ordinarily "don't sleep," that would be a giveaway for me. i.e. not "needing" sleep is definitely mood-related.
  13. I think a lot of what we feel can be from our situations, and I can see how yours would make you feel like giving up. If you were someone else, how would you advocate for yourself? Everything changes and passes and eventually your situation will change, too. Writing here would be a good way, perhaps, to get some support and help coping with the craziness at home.
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