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northcode

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About northcode

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  1. I think my mood swings are triggered almost completely by high stress and anxiety. Does anyone else experience something similar?
  2. I usually sleep 8-10 hours each night. I notice that if I get only a few hours of sleep or less one night, I see signs of mild hypomania the next day.
  3. Can you provide me with some information (links or whatnot) about the brain shrinkage? This fascinates and terrifies me. Thanks. Edit: Never mind - I googled it. But if you have anything interesting to share, feel free.
  4. Oh wow, I was wondering what was wrong with me. On Abilify, I feel completely apathetic about everything. No motivation at all. I don't know what to do about it, and it's making my life unbearable. (Blah. I miss hypomania...)
  5. I thought this was because of my ADD, but as I become more and more psychotic, I'm beginning to think this is a thought disorder thing.
  6. Does anyone know if there is any sort of correlation between serotonin amounts in the brain and schizophrenic-type disorders? I was on Prozac for a while and it gave me mild hallucinations and paranoia as side effects. I asked the pharmacist about this and she said she might have heard that there was a correlation between high serotonin levels and schizophrenia. Thanks.
  7. I've been on Prozac for a while, and I've noticed, in addition to increased mood swings (bipolar), that I get these side effects: - mild hallucinations, in the form of seeing people out of the corner of my eye who aren't really there - increased paranoia, in the form of thinking people I know are mad at me when they would have no reason to be - forgetfulness Has anyone had these sorts of side effects? I asked the pharmacist about it and she said that there might be a correlation between schizophrenic-type disorders and increased amounts of serotonin. Thanks
  8. An option I find is common to those who haven't done very well in high school due to various factors is to enter into a community college or tech school for a year, then transfer into a larger university. It gives you a chance to show colleges that you're capable and willing to perform in an academic setting despite any problems in high school. Of course, you really have to do well that first year, and get great letters of recommendations, etc. I think you should consider living at home while at school. Apart from tuition, paying rent is the most expensive thing you're going to encounter. I understand how difficult it can be, but living with no money while trying to balance a full academic workload and a job so you can pay rent will probably be much more stressful. And I'm going to second what kittyloaf said: you can either call, or better yet visit a school you're interested in and ask to speak to an admissions counselor. They'll be able to walk you step-by-step through the admissions process, including anything you need to know and do for financial aid. And, yes, avoid private schools. They're much, much more expensive than state schools. Finally, and I don't know if this is the place for this or if you're sick of hearing it, but I'm not sure what kind of financial future there is for film making. Granted, I don't know much about the topic, but make sure you don't spend all this time, money, and effort on a degree that won't work out for you in the future. I see a lot of my fellow classmates working their asses off getting history degrees, for example, then being stuck working in unpaid internships and living at home for years after graduation. A tech school degree in, say, welding or fabrication, can land you a decent job in half the time and a fraction of the cost, provided you're willing to work hard.
  9. I can identify with your description, but I think it has more to do with my severe depression.
  10. It seems I'm extremely suicidal this evening. Good thing blades make me squirm. I guess I'll be telling my therapist about this tomorrow, assuming I make it. Funny, isn't it, how I can go from huddling in the corner of my dark room, thinking about the best way to hang myself, to posting about it on Crazyboards in the same night. I don't understand this mental illness thing. (Side note: it's very difficult to study while you're contemplating suicide.) The last thing I want to do while suicidal like this is talk to people, so it's near impossible to call the suicide crisis phone number. Conveniently, the internet is here to distract my troubled mind instead. I don't know what to do tonight, other than wait it out. I might check back later tonight; then again, I might not. Goodnight, everyone, northcode
  11. In my early teens, I wished that I wouldn't care about what others thought and that I wouldn't have a need for social interaction. And that I wouldn't be so emotionally sensitive. I was kind of weird through my childhood, and I was very emotionally sensitive, got bullied a bit, and was very isolated. In early school, I would cry if I was called on in class, and I didn't know how to have conversations with people, so I would sit alone at lunch and draw, even though I really wanted to have friends. Later, I discovered the opposite sex (oh no!), except I still was awkward and didn't know how to talk to people, etc. Instead of wishing I could be normal around people, I began to wish that I didn't have emotions and that I didn't need anyone in my life. And...look at that! Schizoid PD. I don't even /have/ emotions anymore. Be careful what you wish for, children.
  12. I once thought I was going to be a surgeon, like my grandfather. Now, I spend my days either lying face down in my bed pretending I'm a corpse, or desperately flailing at my schoolwork so I can scrounge up a passing grade for the semester. My current plan for the future is to live alone in the woods of Northern Wisconsin until I die. I'm sure glad that I'm getting my college education.... Even simple "happiness" has been taken from me (thanks, schizoid PD). No family, no friends, no future. It's still hard for me to accept - I still think about (or I guess it's now just a daydream) having a family and doing great things with my life. But I can't form meaningful relationships with other people, because the effort and sacrifice required makes me reject any relationship. Any brief glimpse of hope of a consistent future that manages to get through my schizoid PD is swiftly and efficiently killed by the mood swings. I don't even know what it would like to be "better". Less mood swings, sure, but the idea of a pill or something that would make me less schizoid and more normal doesn't even make sense.
  13. So, I'm becoming increasingly suicidal. Now, I'm not actively looking for a way to kill myself, and I have no plan or whatnot. The chances of me actually committing suicide are very low (I think). But over the last 5 years, I've gone to wondering about suicide to daydreaming about it to an aggressive lust for death. There doesn't seem to be a real reason for it... I'm not religious, and I'm not particularly miserable in life. Nothing tragic has ever happened to me. I'm young and physically healthy, and I'm studying at an excellent college. I just really want to die. My questions for you all: should I talk to someone about this? I told my pdoc that I wanted to die, but that I wasn't actively suicidal, but I don't think I told her exactly how extreme it is. I didn't elaborate very much, and I don't think I told my therapist about it, either. I don't want to deal with all the trouble of people getting worried and upset about me, because I find it annoying. Thanks, everyone, northcode
  14. When I was on Wellbutrin, I thought I was someone else's hallucination, and that I needed to kill myself to be free from their imaginary world.
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