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PSmith4630

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  1. I was put on Rexulti to keep me from going hypomanic while getting deep TMS Brainsway treatment. I had been on Abilifi years ago and found the inability to concentrate intolerable. I was told Rexulti was more tolerable and did the 1/2 MG for a week and then went up to the 1 MG as is generally prescribed. I was not feeling right and doc suggested I go back down to the 1/2 for another week. I did and finally adjusted to the 1/2 and felt great. Doc thought I was ready to go up to the MG and have been on it for about a month now. It just seems like I was doing better on the 1/2 MG. Whenever my old way of thinking and attitudes would start to come back, it was like a "switch" would come on and just shut that down. Sometimes on the full MG but I think more so on the 1/2. So I called my pdoc's office where I get the TMS and they called back and said pdoc says go back down to the 1/2 and maybe go back up eventually or not, we'll play it by ear. But I was wondering, has anyone gone up to the full 1 MG and found they did better with the 1/2? Did anyone not adjust to the full MG?
  2. Okay well, whatever you want to call it it's a real improvement LOL
  3. Yeah the one thing I hate about that is not knowing if it's the TMS that's caused the improvement or the Rexulti or both. Because if it was just a change in medication that I needed I could have done that years ago, and not wasted so much of my life feeling like crap (I'll turn 46 in June). But both the pdoc and the TMS technician said that the TMS makes medication work better so it's most likely both, and the technician said I can only control right now, not to worry about what if this or that.
  4. Oh wow that sucks. Well I'm sure you know this but don't give up. With talk of medicare-for-all and whatnot these days, you never know what could happen in the future. I know that doesn't help you now, but I've been there believe me, and so are countless others.
  5. I went to a competitor of Neuro Star, it's called Brainsway. They do deep TMS which means it gets deep into the brain as opposed to Neuro Star which gets at the surface of the brain. It did cost me about $600 out of pocket because that was how much I had left on my deductible. If you have a Flex Spending plan at your work I would highly recommend it as it helps pay off that deductible. But once my deductible was met (mine is $1500 a year) my insurance covered 100%. Of course that will depend on what kind of insurance plan you have. As for my results, https://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/topic/97210-seem-to-be-in-remission-with-brainsway-deep-tms/ there's a link to a thread I just started last night on it. Good luck.
  6. I'm in my last couple weeks of Brainsway. My diagnosis is Bipolar II so the pdoc there recommended that I take Rexulti to keep me from going hypomanic. Aside from that I'm still on Zoloft and Trazodone for sleep. The pdoc recommends that I not change anything medication wise for about a year, which is a bummer since I was looking forward to coming off the Zoloft because it put a lot of weight on me. But I've come this far I'm not about to screw it up now, if she wants me to leave the medication as is I'll live with it. I got a little bit of a scare lately though. So lately when my old way of thinking and attitudes would pop up, something would happen that I'd compare to a switch coming on, and just shutting that down. Well over the last several days that wasn't happening, and Thursday morning I felt like my old self again, and not in a good way! Depressed, irritable, I was miserable. Then after I was at work about an hour to an hour & a half, I felt a little twinge of pain on the left side of my head, and it was like the switch came back on. I felt fantastic. I'm getting tapered off of my Brainsway treatments but I had one scheduled that night and I told the technician what happened. She said people have had reported similar experiences, maybe not of a switch coming on but of feeling like they were slipping back to their old selves again. She said people call her in a panic saying that the treatment didn't work for them because they're depressed again. But like she's been telling me all along, it's a process and it's not all going to happen at once. Since then I've felt good, maybe not fantastic like when that "switch" came back on, but my attacks of negativity are few and far between. That experience did show me how far I've come. I honestly don't know how I lived as long as I did feeling like I did that Thursday morning. I don't know if this therapy will do for you what it did for me, I can only give my experience. But if you're like me and you've tried several antidepressants AND talk therapy without getting results, I'd say give it a shot. It's been a life saver for me.
  7. Not especially. I mean if it happens it happens, but I am more concerned with being included so I don't feel like I'm being treated differently. Years ago at work the rest of my department (at the most half a dozen people) was talking about something, and I asked why I wasn't being included. My co-worker asked if I really cared what they were talking about or if I just wanted to be included. My position is, it shouldn't matter if I am actually interested, I've been treated like an outcast my whole life, don't continue to treat me that way.
  8. I mean, does it work that way, or does everyone have to do the inviting once in a while. A little background on me: I'm in my 40's, single and never married. I work at an office and the only people I ever socialize with are people I work with (and occasionally on social media if we no longer work together). I'm fine with that last part because my socializing consists of mainly one-liners. I used to work with a girl who pointed out to me that I never ask anyone anything about their lives, jobs, etc. It's just if they say something & a funny one-liner comes to my mind I say it. I'm very funny when I have someone to play off of like that, things just come to me. But anyway, all I'd like is to be invited if people at my work are going out in a group, or if they're having a party. When I've been out with people it's more of the same, just one-liners if something comes to me, but as I said I can be really funny so why wouldn't people want me there? I guess it just hurts my ego, makes me feel like a loser to never have anyplace to go on weekends or holidays. I've even came out and asked one year on social media if anyone I knew had any parties for the 4th of July, if they could invite me because I had nothing going on. Just a lot of "no we don't have anything, blah blah blah".Someone suggested I come up with things to invite people to. But 1) again, I want to know first if there are people who never have to do the inviting because like I said I can get off some really funny one-liners so if there's people who never have to do the inviting I think I should be one of them, and 2) I don't have anything going on to invite people to if I wanted to! I go straight home from work every night, surf the internet/play video games & go to bed. Same thing on weekends/holidays minus the work part of course. Those are just my interests, I just want to be invited places for my ego, to feel like people want me there.So sorry this is so long but, how does that work, are there people who never have to do the inviting?
  9. See, for me life is about feeling good and not feeling bad. Everything else is just a means to that end. I can't see anything else that is as important to me as how I feel. If it doesn't make me feel a certain way, either short or long term it's irrelevant to me. And the thing that affects how I feel the most is money. It's why I have to go to a job every day, instead of just fooling around with women all day, which would require gobs of money to afford that lifestyle. One way or another I have to find a way to get rich. I have to be happy, or life just isn't worth living.
  10. Okay well, can pretty much everyone whose been on antidepressants relate to that fantastic feeling you get when it first starts kicking in? Maybe this is what I'm trying to ask: does that always go away? Are antidepressants not intended to make you feel like that all the time? Or have some folks here found a medication where it didn't go away? You know the feeling I mean, where shit that upset you a couple days ago you can now easily deal with calmly with no unpleasant feelings about it? Does that always go away, is it just something you get in the beginning when it first kicks in (or sometimes when you initially get your dose increased)?
  11. Years ago I was put on Effexor and after being on it for close to a week, I woke up one morning completely hypomanic. It was blissful, it was almost impossible for anything to bother me. I could still function, if I needed to do something I did it, only difference was it was never unpleasant for me no matter what I had to do. I didn't understand at the time what hypomania was. I thought I had found "the answer", something that would keep me from ever feeling any unpleasant emotions ever again. The reason I've lived in a tiny comfort zone that I only venture out of when life drags me out of it, kicking and screaming; the reason I'm now 44 and the average high school senior probably has as much life experience as me, is fear of unpleasant emotions. But as it always does (I've been hypomanic maybe half a dozen times in my life and no it's never turned into full-blown mania), it petered out after maybe a couple weeks or so. And yes I got the crash that happens when the hypomania wears off. Every time I think I've found "the answer", whether it was a new antidepressant or a really exciting time in my life that brought it about. Back when the hypomania from Effexor wore off, and I still didn't know what hypomania was, I believe some on this board referred to it as the Effexor "pooping out" on me. I've started meds or just gotten doses increased, and experienced something similar to hypomania but not as intense. Then it goes away again. Sorry, just wanted to give you all some background why I'm asking this. Is what I described what folks on this board consider "pooping out"? Is it going from feeling on top of the world, nothing really bothers you, and then it goes away? Is "pooping out" referring to that great feeling, not even necessarily hypomania but something less intense, going away? The reason I ask is, maybe it's just a matter of finding the right medication that doesn't "poop out"? I'm not looking to walk around hypomanic all the time, although that would be the ideal it's probably not practical. But that feeling that I would call a milder form of hypomania that I've felt when starting a new medication or getting a dose increased, has anyone found a medication where that feeling never went away?
  12. Sorry about that.

  13. I'm just going to re-post something I posted today in a different thread because it has to do with anxiety also. Is anxiety from a lack of self-confidence still an anxiety disorder? Is it treated similarly to a person who has panic/anxiety that they can't explain the cause of? Anyway, here's the post: I think the emotion that's the most unpleasant for me, that I dread feeling the most is nervousness/anxiety. It's not the kind of anxiety that comes out of nowhere and you have no idea what you're nervous about. For me it's an extreme lack of self-confidence. I'd give anything to be like one of the people who "love challenges", "love testing their abilities". That's how I felt the short times that I was hypomanic. Surprisingly, I didn't want to sit at home on my ass with a big smile on my face. I wanted to get out and live. I wanted to experience life. I'm starting to wonder if my main problem isn't anxiety/nervousness instead of depression, the anxiety/nervousness makes me feel helpless, and THAT's what depresses me. But I'm wondering, if your anxiety is from a lack of self-confidence, can that be treated with medication or will the doctor just tell me I gotta learn self-confidence? I'm not looking for self-confidence in a pill, but a little help would be nice. I'm 43, if I haven't learned self-confidence by now I mean...if I'm going to do something with my life, ever know what it's like to not live paycheck to paycheck and go everyday to a job that I can tolerate but not like, then it's gotta be soon.
  14. I think the emotion that's the most unpleasant for me, that I dread feeling the most is nervousness/anxiety. It's not the kind of anxiety that comes out of nowhere and you have no idea what you're nervous about. For me it's an extreme lack of self-confidence. I'd give anything to be like one of the people who "love challenges", "love testing their abilities". That's how I felt the short times that I was hypomanic. Surprisingly, I didn't want to sit at home on my ass with a big smile on my face. I wanted to get out and live. I wanted to experience life. I'm starting to wonder if my main problem isn't anxiety/nervousness instead of depression, the anxiety/nervousness makes me feel helpless, and THAT's what depresses me. But I'm wondering, if your anxiety is from a lack of self-confidence, can that be treated with medication or will the doctor just tell me I gotta learn self-confidence? I'm not looking for self-confidence in a pill, but a little help would be nice. I'm 43, if I haven't learned self-confidence by now I mean...if I'm going to do something with my life, ever know what it's like to not live paycheck to paycheck and go everyday to a job that I can tolerate but not like, then it's gotta be soon.
  15. Well in general what I'm looking for is anything where if life throws me a curveball, I can just do whatever I need to do to take care of it, without all the stress and worry and anxiety that makes it a lot bigger of a deal than it needs to be. When something unexpected happens. I remember the 3-4 times in my life I've been hypomanic. Ordinarily it's pretty hard for me to do things I don't feel like doing (the whole comfort zone thing from the other thread you replied to) unless it's absolutely necessary for survival like going to work, but when I was hypomanic there wasn't anything I really didn't feel like doing. Nothing really felt like a chore, know what I mean? So I was hoping to find out if the Modafinil would do something useful for me in that regard.
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